to think this mother irresponsible

[nametaken]

Or am I being judgmental again?

here

Well I agree I was being judgemental but I don't agree that suggesting the mother was irresponsible is unreasonable.

I've got 6 kids and I lose the odd one on quite a regular basis. I don't need to go back packing for that!
I find them again though, I'm going wrong somewhere

Blimy, is a 20 y/o man really that much older?! When I was 16 I was going out with a 21 y/o, my parents let him take me to football matches in Liverpool and in London, it didn't even cross their (or my) mind that I shouldn't be left alone with him.

I don't think we need to be judging this mother!! I think we can all have an idea of how much pain she must be in now...and thats probably not half of it!! I imagine that she is probably judging her self and going through absolute hell at the moment..all the what ifs!! Beating herself up, i don't think we need to add to that!! When i was 15 i was going out with 22/23 yo and never really thought about it!! You cannot be with your teenagers 24/7 and bad things happen because of bad people and it's certainly not the mothers fault!!

NT - I don't think you can make that assumption without being judgemental to be honest. I had a 21 yr old boyfriend when I was 15....some 15 year olds are extremely mature and grown up.

Unless you know the whole story and have personal knowledge of the individual characters and situations then you can't have enough fact to base an assumption on. For all you know there may have been a huge teenage strop about not wanting to go with the family and I can speak from experience that if a teenage girl really doesn't want to do as she's told/ ordered then it is extremely difficult if not impossible to force them.

Had she been 16, would you have still felt that the mother was irresponsible? Things happen to people, regardless of their ages.

YABU, why does dong something differently from the way you would do make someone irresponsible?

YABU
WTF do you care anyway? Do you think the grieving family cares about your opinion?
Get a life FGS!

Good point Wisteria, if she had been 16 then no, I wouldn't have had any second thoughts about what the mother did.

OK then - she wasn't irresponsible.

such a fine line between 15 and 16 isn't there? and that little law seems to make all the difference to people's gut reactions.

I'm not going to judge the mother - who must be going through hell - as no one knows the circumstances, but I went to that area on my own when I was 30 & I found the constant male harrassment attention VERY difficult to handle (it really pissed me off TBH) so I do not see how a pretty, blonde 15 year old (or 16yo) could cope with it. I would not have left her there, but as I said, I don't know the full circs.

tragic. Poor family.

Have to add my sentiments to those saying that the issue of 'responsibleness' is ill-timed in the context of this thread.

The young girl was raped and murdered - the way that your question was phrased unwittingly holds the family as some way responsible for the horrific outcome.

I feel very strongly about this inference, because my family have been on the receiving end of similar. My brother was murdered some years ago. I wont go into details as people I know will easily be able to identify me. He had an on/off history of mental illness and the police initially assumed it was suicide. As a result, the police failed to investigate his death properly. Thankfully, they also failed in their attempts to cover up the truth. There were suggestions that my family had not been responsible in ensuring that my brother was cared for appropriately, to prevent his murder.

By all means responsible parenting is a good discussion point, but it is painful and, i think, insensitive and inappropriate in the context of the link you added.

(Please, if you have identified me from this post - or any other - I respectfully request you keep it to yourself.)

Message withdrawn

Yes, I should have added that the real culprit is, of course, the sicko who raped & murdered her.

We don't know that she def was murdered yet do we?
We shall have to wait for the reults of the investigation
I have much sympathy for the mother

No, I wouldn't leave my teenager alone in a strange country with a man she had just met.

It is always unreasonable to judge without knowing the facts, so yes YABU.

Poor girl and her family

Well yes everyone says don't judge - but did everyone else say the same when the McCann case came out? (I don't know myself, I wasn't on MN then, but I bet there were some threads about it).

Agree that this mother must be going through hell

HOWEVER - I personally am that the daughter was left with a 25yo man (which is what I read). It is my opinion.

And what the hell difference does whether it comes from the Mail, The Guardian or The Times make? The DM appears to be just reporting facts and quotes.......(I know, it surprisd me too)

yes there were some threads about it

Waynetta it was a 20 yo man and you have no idea of the circumstances - the mother obviously felt safe leaving her, otherwise she wouldn't have done.
This girl was 15, not 5 FGS....

in his twenties I mean

i dont think you can compare this case with Madeline Mcann.she was only 3 when she was abducted.