AIBU to take a lower paid role temporarily to sort out my mental health?

[Frazzledconfused]

Hi

I’ve worked for a great organisation for the past 4 years in a role that I’ve worked hard to qualify in. I’ve mostly enjoyed it, found that it was stressful, pressured and challenging but not too much so and I’ve really developed my skills and knowledge in my particular profession.

Anyway last year I had a mental health crisis, which wasn’t caused by work, it was actually a big health scare but I suddenly struggled in this pressured environment. I had a lengthy course of CBT which helped massively but I did take a few weeks sick leave after a particularly bad episode. I now feel like I’m on my way to getting back to the old me, I’m doing all the right things but I still have a way to go and it’s slow progress. I still feel quite tired, still forgetful, having trouble prioritising and getting on with things etc. I’m exercising and sleeping well, vitamin levels have been checked and my diet is good so I just think this is left over from my stint of bad mental health.

My manger is lovely and has the patience of a saint but I think I am probably a drain on the team at the moment and it’s despite me trying my best.

I’m now also dealing with some things at home which are adding to the pressure again. Despite my best efforts to act and continue a normal for my kids I’ve neglected their needs more than I should have and not noticed things going downhill for one of them (high school age). She has been self harming, ended up in a very controlling relationship and I only noticed when it was too late. Over the summer I’ve worked really hard with my daughter to get her into therapy, deal with the issues as much as we can before she’s back to school and she seems in a much better place now, but I think she and my other two kids need more of me at the moment and I just can’t be there physically and emotionally as much as I’d like to be when working in my current role.

A secondment has come up at work for 12 months, two grades down from my current role and half the pay. I’d be around £1200 a month worse off. I think we can just about manage if we really tighten our belts but the much needed work on our house would have to be put on hold during that time and we couldn’t go on holiday next year. I appreciate that I’m privileged being able to have/experience these things at the moment when others don’t. My partner has no scope to earn more to fill the gap.

Would you apply for the secondment in my case?

My concerns are financial, but also that I’ll lose some of my skills/knowledge and also that the current role somehow won’t be waiting for me at the end of it should I have ruined my reputation as much as I expect.

On the other hand, this other role is something that I know and have been told will be much easier and less pressured than what I do currently and so I think it would allow me to recover much quicker than I am and be more present at home and just an all around nicer person and better mum. It would also be in a different department and I’d get an insight into how that works which I think would be really interesting.

What would you do? Is there anything else I need to consider? My partner is ok with it, not thrilled but understands that it could be just what I need. My kids would have less spent on them at Christmas etc but I’d have the headspace to be more frugal and creative I think anyway and I know they’d appreciate me being a better mum more.

I’ve just got the increasing cost of living at the back of my mind constantly so part of me is thinking just pull your socks up, and get on with things, they’ll get better and you won’t be struggling financially, but then the secondment (if I got it) is only 12 months and I might thrive and never want to go back to such a stressful role anyway.

Any advice appreciated, thanks.

I see where you're coming from and know completely what you mean about burn out and taking a long time to recover. Is there any way you could put in a flexible working request in your current team to reduce your hours instead and work short days or fewer days? Less money but you keep your senior role and only have to concentrate and perform for much less of the week and more time to think about your wellbeing and prioritise your family. Going down grades and a new team sounds like it might be less stressful in theory but it might still be really stressful in a different way and make family life under financial pressure too.

I wouldn’t. The added financial pressure will add to your worries. It’s a huge paycut that will affect the whole family

If a secondment I think it's fine, you get your old job back afterwards.

No it wont help. Your issue wasnt work. How will it impact your mental health next year when you cannot have a holiday? How will you feel knowing your kids cant have a holiday and that they have to tighten their belts?

Think long and hard. Mental healthiness is extremely important and shouldn’t be underestimated. Financially though, taking a £1200 per month hit and professionally dropping 2 grades - will this have a lasting impact on finances, family needs and your future career prospects ? It is a risk which needs careful evaluation by you… and your partner.

I would and did put a flexible working request to work part time. Still in a job I was good at but more time for balance

I’m not sure I would. Also - I work in HR in the civil service - IME secondments are usually seen as a development opportunity for lower grades. It would take quite a change of approach to allow this.

I currently have someone working at a level 4 grades below his previous post, which was agreed before my time for personal reasons. It’s not really working out.

I don't think I would do that. I appreciate burnout is very real and have been therebut in similar circumstances I've put in a flexible working request to reduce hours temporarily. Much less of a financial and career hit, better for self esteem, and for me, always good for wellbeing to have a day off! Good luck 🤞

Thanks for the replies so far, you’ve given me things to think about.

A previous poster mentioned that these are seen as development opportunities for lower grades and yes that’s true so I’m not sure if I would even be in the running for the role anyway.

There are roles that come up for secondment of the same or one grade lower and which would be less pressure due to the nature of the departments they are in so perhaps I should keep an eye out for those and not rush into this.

Someone had pointed out that work wasn’t the problem which is true, but I feel unable to do my job properly or recover properly because of the high demands/high stakes of the job. This makes me think that a temporary reduction in hours wouldn’t help, but it’s still an option that I’ll give further thought to.

I'm wondering if peri-menopause has knocked you for six.

Perhaps, I’m only 36 but it’s still possible. I’m just reading that this can be tested for by GP with a blood test.

I don't know where you're reading that, but it's just not accurate. Blood tests are wholly unreliable for diagnosing Peri, due to the very nature of it. Your hormones can be perfect for a few days, the crash, then fine for a week, etc. Peri is diagnosed based on your symptoms. Anxiety, which can be crippling, is one of the main symptoms. As is exhaustion, brain fog, insomnia, body aches, gastro issues, and on and on. I would go to a private clinic if I were you to discuss it, because 36 is not too young. Peri can last ten years or more before menopause.

The last person on earth I'd discuss peri-menopause with is a GP.

I recently took a £10k paycut to get out of a job that was making me miserable. I'm so much happier and have no regrets.

I still earn enough to live comfortably with excess each month, though. A cut of £1200 a month would have exchanged one horrible stress for another.

Hi op, that all sounds like you've done so well to try and move out of a really tough time with so much still going on.

I think you know how your role affects you and realistically after a crisis it's normal for your emotional bandwidth to not be as stretchy. So if your job is highly demanding and can be stressful in itself (even if it wasn't the original issue) it makes perfect sense that your emotional and mental capacity for it isn't just where it was.

However that isn't to say that it will never be and my worry would be if you felt better would you want to go back to your job or similar and how easy would that be to do?

I think as a first port of call you speak to your manager and be very very honest about where you're at especially since they seem to have been very supportive. They clearly value you as a team member so it would be good to hear from them what they can do to support you. Flexible or reduced hours or time working from home or possibly a temporary secondment into another less demanding role might be options but you won't know until you ask. You could ask about going part time and consider how this would affect you financially and how long your organisation would need you to stay part time until you could request full time again in the future.

If you've explored all those options and none of them are viable then yes I think you could look into other jobs which are less demanding in themselves.