To find be nauseated by the drama?

[VictorMildrew]

I'm up for being savaged here. I might just be being a miserable old git. But...

Woman in appeared in my "circle" through a work thing, and fairly promptly (3 months?) declared herself "in love" with someone also in my "circle". He didn't return these sentiments, so there ensued months and months on end of the most intense hand wringing I've ever seen.

Fine if she was 17, but we are mid 40s so I found it really hard to be sympathetic. No conversation wasn't about it. No night out passed without tears and drama. It was like the end of a 50 year marriage, just completely over the top. Not to mention these endless Facebook posts of song lyrics and inspirational quotes.

Five minutes later, she's in love with someone else. This time he feels the same (don't know him mind!) and six weeks in she's calling herself deeply in love. Then there's more song lyrics, excruciating photos of daft things like her carving their initials into things and it all just makes me want to roll my eyes.

So as I said she's in my "circle" and I've found myself avoiding things because I find it all so needlessly dramatic and phony I am practically repelled.

So am I a moody old cow?

No. I'm not jealous. I've got a lovely partner who I share loving moments with, without any need to share it with Facebook!

Partner just told me we've been invited to s dinner thing and I found myself making excuses. Is this a terrible reason not to like someone?

Bit of a brain fart there on the thread title!

YANBU I'd also find that nauseating and would give her a wide berth. It sounds like she's basically glommed onto you and your mates as a way to find a boyfriend and has used you all in the process and made everything about her. Plus her behaviour with the song lyrics etc sounds utterly cringeworthy.

As you say just about tolerable in a teenager. In a 40 something excruciating.

Incidentally I used to have a friend like this when I was younger, whose entire social life was constructed around opportunities to find boyfriends for her and all her female friends were basically ways to get close to blokes she found attractive or interesting. Relentless social climber. People can smell it a mile off and it wasn't attractive.

I would avoid as much as possible and mute on social media, she sounds awful.

You can mute her on social media so you don't see any of her posts. Muting her in real life sounds like a good idea too.

Oh thank you. I am glad I'm not a misery guts. I think love is grand, but this feels like a performance!

I found this sort of thing nauseating when I was a teenager - let alone a few decades later! YANBU.

100% YANBU OP! You’ve united Mumsnet

Oh not being

Or 34 of us so far

I think yatbu as you have a partner so can’t put yourself in her shoes of being her age and wanting to be with someone

God I'd love it !

It's just so fucking weirdly ENTERTAINING!

Pass her on to me, I need a new nutter in my life

Oops. Sent too early and no idea how to edit.

Not being unreasonable, I'm mid 40s and have a friend from school who latches onto every boyfriend she's had, changes her name on Facebook to his surname and constantly gushes "my man this" and "my man that".

It seriously gives me the Ick

I cannot cope 🙈

Oh thanks ladies. I feel like I'm being mean, she's obviously insecure, but sharing emotional song lyrics for some guy at the age of 47 just feels......

No!!!!!

I mean, come on!!!!

Just don't engage ...everytine it's me tinned just say. Oh I don't do drama and change the subject

Oh lord I have a friend like this, it's relentless. New "true love" every six months or so, the ends of which are always catastrophic until she meets the next one. In my 16 years knowing her she's never been single more than a couple of months, but never been coupled more than a year.

When she's not driving me mad role-playing as Carrie Bradshaw on speed she's genuinely lovely so I put up with the drama.

@Maddy70 I don't engage. It makes me feel like I'm a bitch, but honestly.... 47 and crying for 6 hours at a party because a boy doesn't want to be your partner isn't something I've got time for. I've dealt with real life problems and it all just seemed so bloody pathetic. I get we all have feelings, but it's just so over the top.

@LaurieFairyCake that made me laugh. Now YOU sound like someone I'd like to go to a party with.

Oh god I had a friend similar to this a few years ago. She decided she was madly in love with a very close male friend of mine. There were seemingly no lengths she wouldn't go to, including self publishing a book of poetry about him and posting it to him, along with various poor quality hand made gifts. Because I was such good friends with him, I got called upon to listen to her endless analysis of his behaviour. He just wasn't interested in the slightest! But the mental gymnastics she would do to avoid hearing that was genuinely impressive. I've witnessed her telling complete strangers about it and having them tell her it didn't seem like he was interested, which sunk in about as much as a rocket fired at the moon. She even went so far as to show a stranger naked boudoir style photos of herself to prove he should be interested!

It was hilarious and tedious in equal measure. One day I'd had enough and just ditched her by driving off. Then I had her ringing round hospitals chasing after me because she was such a drama llama that of course I must have been in a fatal car accident rather than just ignoring her.

I'm so glad she's stopped since. She got help with her mental health (she had an undiagnosed mental disorder) and she's been much better since and now has a stable relationship. But oh my god, it was crackers!!

@TheGirlFromTomorrow sounds similar. Maybe it isn't even about the job, but more that she dominates everything with her drama. She's perpetually in crisis. When other people have genuine crisis

Oh wow. I'm 50 and could not be doing with that kind of drama! Does she feel at 47 she'll never find the one so is clutching onto anything that smiles her way? Either way it's drama that we are all too old for and needs to keep it to herself and maybe a 'bestie'.

@WingingItSince1973 I honestly don't know. Im up for a laugh and being a bit immature, but if you went for a night out or dinner party or village event, within a few hours she'd be in tears, starting a drama, then generally would escalate to hurting herself.

Eg: loads of people intervening to stop her drink driving. Something along those lines with everyone standing around trying to deal with it. I feel mean, but it just completely put me off going out with what was once a fun group.

Doesn't matter why she does it, how old she is or whether it's fake or not. Dominating nights out with one topic and subjecting people to your extremes of mood is tedious and irritating. Presumably if she's that bad the rest of the circle don't love it either, so maybe it's time as a group to stop indulging it and allowing her centre stage.

They mostly just seem to feel sorry for her hence I thought it was me being a misery guts.

I reckon a good few feel the way you do OP. Just no one wants to admit it because they think everyone feels sorry for her and will the look a misery guts too. I bet if you discretely raised it with one or two the real feelings would come out. I mean, this is a group of presumably middle aged adults. Who wouldn't find this a massive pain?