Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

To stop DD doing gymnastics?

28 replies

VitaminX · 05/09/2023 14:23

My daughter, aged 8, was in both gymnastics and handball for the last two school years. It was 2 practices per week per sport, so she had 4 sessions per week overall, no overlaps.

This school year, both sports go up to 3 practices per week, plus she wanted to start piano. So I told her she should choose which sport she enjoys more and just continue one. She chose handball which didn't surprise me as she's always enjoyed it more. She likes the social side of gymnastics but did occasionally complain and say she wanted to drop it.

Now term has started and she's in 3x 1 hour handball sessions per week as well as 2x 30 mins piano lessons. She's pleading with me to let her be in gymnastics as well. If I did sign her up, there is one overlapping practice so she'd have to skip one or the other that day. She says some of her friends are still in both sports so I suppose that's what they are doing!

AIBU to make her stick to just one sport? I think it's too much and I don't want her skipping practices because she's double booked - or for me to pay for sessions she's not using. I'm pretty sure it's mainly FOMO because so many of her friends are in gymnastics (she also has lots of friends in handball). But she is begging me and I'm wavering because I do think sport has so many physical and social benefits and she was gaining more and more confidence in gymnastics - am I being mean??

OP posts:

RainCloudsInTheSky · 05/09/2023 14:25

Oh what a dilemma. I can see your point that it’s too much but at the same time she’s really keen. I honestly don’t know what I’d do. I guess maybe let her do the gymnastics and realise herself that it’s too much?

ellesbellesxxx · 05/09/2023 14:25

Yanbu at all.. just curious why two piano lessons a week though, not one? (Speaking as a piano teacher!)

Original poster

VitaminX · 05/09/2023 14:29

ellesbellesxxx · 05/09/2023 14:25

Yanbu at all.. just curious why two piano lessons a week though, not one? (Speaking as a piano teacher!)

Where we live, there's a music school attached to the primary school and that's what they do! I didn't know it was unusual!

OP posts:

Notimeforaname · 05/09/2023 14:30

No I'd stick to my guns and tell her to choose.

Ridiculous to be paying for something she will skip once a week.
Its telling her she can have everything she wants at your expense, just by whining and begging.

Not a good look or a good road to go down.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 05/09/2023 14:34

I think this depends on whether your weekends are free or there is downtime, how much sleep she needs, how much homework there is, how tired she will be etc. If she can fit it in without detriment to her school work or tiredness then I think why not. However 3x a week for any sport (that's played for enjoyment rather than any hopes of becoming a future Olympic star etc) seems a lot at that age. I would think there would be lots of kids that miss sessions because of various reasons (eg contact time with separated parents). Could you compromise with 2x 2 practice sessions?

PuttingDownRoots · 05/09/2023 14:36

5x sport practice plus 2 x music sounds like a recipe for burn out!

LondonLovie · 05/09/2023 14:37

Two piano lessons for a beginner is unusual.

BrawnWild · 05/09/2023 14:38

As long as the clubs were aware she would be missing one and are ok with it then I'd let her do what she wants but make it clear that if her behaviour ir school work suffers or she is not making time for homework/practising at home then she will need to quit one.

TenderChicken · 05/09/2023 14:43

I'm wondering why there are so many sessions of all these activities in a week.

My DD, who will be 8 shortly does gymnastics, violin, and riding, but all are only once a week. 3 times a week seems quite intensive?

PuttingDownRoots · 05/09/2023 14:43

Also a general warning going forward...

DD plays for a sport team. Some members also play a different sport. When events clash, they prioritise the other sport, which then affects the rest of the team. Missed practices mean they miss picking up skills as quick as the others. The whole team is fed up with it really. But the Governing body of the sport says that everyone should have the opportunity to play...

ManchesterLu · 05/09/2023 14:43

If it was me I'd try to accommodate all hobbies where possible. I appreciate there might be issues with cost and timings, but if it was feasible, I'd do it.

She'll probably narrow it down as she gets older, or maybe not, but it'll give her chance to make more friends and hopefully keep some hobbies as an adult.

Original poster

VitaminX · 05/09/2023 14:49

We don't have anything on the weekends any more since DS turned 6 and moved from the Saturday class to the afterschool classes and it is a blessed relief. She has some homework, reading 5x a week and 1x maths sheet or similar.

Unfortunately although she could go to 2 sessions per week in either sport, there's not an option to enrol or pay for 2 sessions per week, so she'd be skipping scheduled practice if she's in the group.

My instincts say that 1 sport and 1 instrument is a nice balance and I knew she'd have to choose at some point because it's not sustainable to continue with both as it gets more demanding. I don't necessarily agree with the way time commitments do get more demanding as the children get older but that's the way it is at all the sports clubs round here.

Same with the piano, that's just the way it is done here. The music school is affiliated with the primary school and one of those 30 min sessions is during normal school hours - the other is after school. We're not in the UK so that's why it might seem like an unusual set up!

OP posts:

Rewis · 05/09/2023 14:51

How serious is the gymnastics club/team? Some of then are quite unforgiving if you can't dedicate your time to it. But if it's more causal then why not if she really wants to. I think she'll realise it's too much and I'd you notice some symptoms then re-assess.

Original poster

VitaminX · 05/09/2023 14:51

PuttingDownRoots · 05/09/2023 14:43

Also a general warning going forward...

Yes, you're right, this behaviour isn't fair. I don't want her to half-arse it when she's part of a team. Not that their tournaments are particularly serious at this age, but it's a principle!

OP posts:

mathanxiety · 05/09/2023 15:10

You can't really miss gymnastics sessions as it's a sport where skills are built on previous skills.

I'd look at your DD's physique and try to envision how tall she'll be eventually and what sort of build she'll have. Bigger gorls tend to be subtly and not so subtly edged out of gymnastics. It might be a dead end for her if she turns out to be tall or on the larger side. It's quite a brutal sport for its impact on body perception.

Kfjsjdbd · 05/09/2023 15:13

I would choose gymnastics over piano, but then I think the benefits of sport massively outweigh the benefits of music.

Original poster

VitaminX · 05/09/2023 15:18

She's pretty short and small for her age. So exactly the wrong build for handball, which like basketball rewards tall players. But she loves it and she'd never want to drop handball for gymnastics - she just wants to do both! If I was choosing for her based on her body type, she's probably a better fit for gymnastics. But that doesn't seem the right criteria.

I would never make her drop piano. Her dad plays piano, loads of her paternal family are great musicians, some professional, and she's inherited the same passion for it. She's been messing around on the family piano since she was a toddler and has a real ear for picking out tunes - she's been desperate to be old enough to join the music school and start official lessons!

OP posts:

Beautiful3 · 05/09/2023 15:52

I'd make her drop one too. She can't do all of those things.

LlynTegid · 05/09/2023 15:56

A dilemma, but I don't think regularly missing sessions is the right thing to do. Having to make choices is not a bad thing to learn at any age.

LindaCrochet · 05/09/2023 15:58

It would be too much for me, I have friends with similar schedules and they are often trying to be in 2 places at once. You need down time for yourself also, and it can't be underestimated how important that is.

Dolores87 · 05/09/2023 16:02

I would let her do both if I could afford it.

MapleSyrupWaffles · 05/09/2023 16:31

I'd let her do both until she knows which she might want to carry on with or which she enjoys most, as long as you can afford it and can get her there. Some children thrive on doing lots of activities, and if her schoolwork and sleep and family time don't suffer, why not? I'd have loved to try more activities as a child and hated the pressure of having to make decisions, until I ended up a bit railroaded in one direction because of early choices I made (and even then, the time for that ramped up so that it was pretty time intensive anyway!). They cover different skills, and are all beneficial and transferable.

Mariposista · 05/09/2023 16:37

Definitely not unreasonable, this is a lot for a young child who will also be getting homework, and needs to not arrive at the weekend absolutely knackered.
I would be pushing the handball. Great sport focusing on being strong and quick and working as a team, rather than gymnastics where a lot is about being small and thin, training for hours, personal performance, image etc (you know how it is with girls - they won't be 8 forever).

Jasperz · 05/09/2023 16:57

I think she should get to do them all if you can afford it and keep an eye on possible burnout.

But I also it's unreasonable for clubs to have 3 sessions per week for an 8 year old. What the hell.

Children should be free to try a wide range of activities that interest them. A quick Google shows the benefits of having more than 1 sport for all sorts of reasons (socialising, strengthening, resilience building, injury-protection, FUN, and much more).

I'd want to complain to clubs/governing bodies about this. There's no evidence that forcing kids to focus on one sport from a young age has any benefit. In fact, it looks like the opposite is true. The most successful athletes often have more than one sport.

news.sanfordhealth.org/sports-medicine/multi-sport-vs-single-sport/

To raise a better athlete, don’t specialize

Single-sport specialization is a growing trend in youth sports, but it’s not the healthiest approach for most young athletes.

https://news.sanfordhealth.org/sports-medicine/multi-sport-vs-single-sport

eurochick · 05/09/2023 17:23

That's a lot unless she is one of those high energy high achieving eight year olds. There are one or two of those in my daughter's cohort. My daughter is not high energy and would find that too much.

Flip

1 2