What can I do about nosy builders

[Doyourwork]

Hello MN people,

My next door neighbour is having some major renovations. It started last month and could go on for some time.

We expect noise and dust and other things living in a residential area. They start very early and seem to shout at each other on arrival and during the day. We have just accepted this and realise it’s not forever. We get on well with our neighbours.

The problem is there is quite a few people working on the site and they are often gathered outside my house. This would be fine under normal circumstances but they are intrusive and intimidating. I have been going about my day which often means I’m outside or at the front of my house and they will just stand and stare at me. I have heard them making comments while all standing around facing my direction and laughing. I can’t always hear what they are saying but they have no shame in all standing staring and laughing in my direction. I’m sure it will be something derogatory because it intensified when I changed during the day, into some shorts as it was warm.

I had a male friend round today and we were chatting at the front before he left and they were stood (about 5 of them) watching us and one said something and they all laughed. It’s very obvious they were talking about us and they don’t hide the fact that they are watching me. They seem to be stood about quite a bit and I have no idea how they get any work done.

I have teenage girls and the same has happened to them and one of my daughters was too worried to stay home alone the other day.

Im not sensitive to builders making comments to me or other women and I think we have all experienced this at some point, the issue I have is this is right outside my home and they literally stare through my front windows throughout the day. It’s making me feel reluctant to go about my day or wear anything ‘revealing’ even though it’s warm here.

There have been builders down the road for a while and they appear to just get better on with their work and we have had no issues with them. My family own a large construction company and again I have never seen an issue and have worked for them in the past. It’s actually quite bizarre seeing them all stood staring with no shame, all facing our direction as if we are a show. I have witnessed the odd comments then turn away or just a quick glance in the past but this is something else.

I don’t know if saying anything will make a difference or make matters worse. I just can’t wait for the work to be over.

I don’t know what my aibu is really but I’m just fed up with them, especially when it’s worrying my dds.

That sounds horrible.

Have you spoken to a) the neighbours and b) the builders' boss?

Oh my god I wouldn't hesitate in giving them a death stare.

But then I do not tolerate this shit from men and would definitely say something, especially if they were staring at DD14.

Find out who the boss is and tell him straight.

Women don't have to put up with this crap.

Why are they all standing there? Why aren't they working? You definitely need to speak to the person in charge. And also speak to your neighbours. They need a complete bollocking.

Of course you should say something! Your daughters are frightened in their own home, how have you let it continue?? Report them to the company and to your neighbours as well.

Find out who's in charge of the gang - deep breath and go and ask one of them.

If you can find out and can speak to him face to face then tell him calmly that you and your daughters are finding them standing around outside your property and staring and making remarks intimidating and that you'd like it to stop. There's nothing weird or embarrassing about that being a problem. It's real and it's going on and you are within your rights to say you're unhappy. Keep it factual and unemotional and calm. As if you were complaining about any other antisocial behaviour from them. Just because it's personal or possibly sexual they'll rely on you (women) being to embarrassed to complain. They'll probably deny it, but ignore that, you're not in court, just ask calmly that it stops.

See what they say.

If it doesn't stop or they're evasive contact the company and say exactly the same. I would tell your neighbours you intend to do this by the way, so that if they start commenting about snooty neighbours to them, or something, they can have your back.

My DH is in charge of building gangs and he'd give them a right bollocking if they behaved like this!

My partner reported workers like this to the company for saying inappropriate things to a female member of staff.

They were immediately sacked.

Complain. This should not be allowed to happen to you and especially with teenage girls in the house.

Our builder employed a new bloke, he saw him leaning on his shovel a couple of times and he was gone again the next day! They should have work to do, if I was the neighbour I would be annoyed at paying for people to stand around joking.

I haven’t said anything because I didn’t want to make it worse. I don’t know if I have even seen a boss about before and it seems to be a few different people on different days. However, I have just seen someone turn up and they have all gone inside/ round the back now and he was just getting on with his work. One young man I saw earlier was following him carrying stuff so I wonder if he is the boss. I’m going to wait until he comes back out and grab him. I’m also going to Google the company to see what I can find out.
I probably should have said something before but I’m very introverted and find difficult conversations hard.

Tell their boss.

Please don't confront them if you lack confidence. These kind of men most likely will laugh at you or intimidate you. It won't have occurred to them for a second that you could be upset by their behaviour and they wouldn't care anyway.
Really the best thing is just to completely blank them and don't even look in their direction again.

Urgh I remember being your daughters age and pretty much the same scenario 🙄. I don't know if they think they are funny or they don't know how intimidating it is 🙈. I was also made to feel like it was all in my head. Same with the men driving past and beeping or shouting out of their windows when I was walking. I hoped it was a thing of the past.
Any men on here know why some men do this ? Especially the beeping thing ?

Do you have a man living with you or are you all female?

I know exactly how you feel about difficult conversations OP. However in this case i would try to drum up the courage to say something. They're nothing special. Just a bunch of blokes who do building for a living.

In the event that you end up having to contact the company and go through more official channels you can say that you did speak to them, or the man in charge (on such and such a date) and the behaviour has not stopped, and also it it's the case, that they tried to intimidate you.

Come on OP

Yep, same.

Which is why if one of my 4 DDs was feeling uncomfortable in her own house i'd make a Fuss. I'd be out there and tell the bastards them to stop standing about outside my bloody house being a pain in the arse and intimidating me and my daughter.

I hate confrontation, but when it comes to my kids i can use my anger to push away the fears.

It could be all dealt with within 5 minutes, fingers crossed. But if it doesn't stop then at least OP can say she spoke them personally to begin with in the hopes it puts an end to it then and there.

Get your local councillor involved, they will make these culprits aware there will be hell to pay unless they change their ways.

This type of intimidation of women is absalutely NOT acceptable. Your daughters need to feel safe in their own home, and so do you.

More can be done to stop this type of harassment, in light of the #me too campaign. Don't suffer in silence.

All female here, we don’t live with any men. I have male friends and family who come round through. I might get my dad to say something as childish as that is. He owns the big construction company so will know what to say. This also seems a big company given the amount of vans and workers. I’m in my 30s and going to get my dad on them haha it’s pathetic.

Sad isn't it, you have to stoop to their level of thinking

Make a big sign saying ''MEN SUPPOSED TO BE AT WORK''.

I think you're very sensible to ask your dad for his help. He will have handled all kinds of situations over his working life, this won't be the first lot of boyos he's had to tell off. He will probably be able to track down their boss too. And he will definitely speak their language! I hope this is sorted for you very soon.

I don't think it's pathetic at all. I think it's sensible to get your dad involved. They sound the type of arseholes who wouldn't take you seriously.

Don’t say anything directly to them, they’ll enjoy the attention and confirmation that they’re bothering you (because they absolutely know they’re making you uncomfortable, that’s part of why they’re doing it). You say you have the company name so that’s all the info you need. Call their office up and complain. Make sure you include that they’re leering at your underaged daughters.

Talk to the gaffer. Despite the reputation, the building industry has changed a lot. I'm recent years, and that kind of thing doesn't fly anymore. I know if someone spoke to my dh about one of his crew, they would get a bollocking & if it continued, they'd be off the site.

My gut reaction was to do two things - talk to the neighbour, who can talk to their boss, and get one of your family members to talk to them. I wouldn't ordinarily suggest the second, but as they work in the same industry, it will definitely help.

Unfortunately, these type of eejits will only respond to those they consider their peers/bosses and I'm afraid to say, they won't see you like that.

Not how it should be, but this "lads lads lads" type culture is common on a building site without a decent supervisor/foreman.

My DM used to work in a very male dominated field (not construction but heavy lifting, so all blokes). It was drilled in to them that they had to be respectful when working as their behaviour reflected on the company. As a result, they were always super polite, always said please and thank you and never ever swore.

My friend's 18 year old daughter was getting this daily when she walked to college, by the same group of builders. Whistles, cat calls, comments, the lot. She'd had enough one day and when the builders started catcalling she shouted "I'm only 15, leave me alone". Apparently they shot inside and some man in a suit holding a clipboard on the site went charging after them. No idea what happened but another group of builders were on site the next day (different branded van).

The shit women have to put up with. I'd be speaking to neighbour (when builders aren't around), phoning the company on the van and speaking to the boss and writing a review on these horrible cretins