Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be upset about wedding snub?

36 replies

Anon123321123 · 05/09/2023 11:25

I got married 4 months ago and had one best friend as my bridesmaid. My husband and I paid for her dress, flowers, hair and make up and her fiancé came to the whole day of the wedding.

She told me last month that due to her fiancé wanting to invite a lot of his extended family to their wedding, she is thinking of not inviting any of our very close group of 4 friends' partners to the wedding, including my husband. She is godmother to one friend's son and was a bridesmaid at another one's wedding too. Her fiancé's friends will all have their partners present on the day.

AIBU for being hurt by this, so soon after my husband and I had her as such a big part of our day, along with her fiancé?

OP posts:
BrawnWild · 05/09/2023 14:34

I'm not having a dig at you here, but do you really want to go to the wedding? Usually there is a part about everyone present supporting the couple and it doesnt sound like the kid of relationship I would support.

I'm not sure how you practically get out of it without taking her to one side and explaining your concerns and why you wint be going or whether there is a plausible excuse, but just wanted to say my piece in case it gives food for thought

Pinkdelight3 · 05/09/2023 14:40

You did what you wanted. She'll do what she wants. Be happy for your friend getting married. The endless upset at wedding snubs on here boggles me.

AutumnCrow · 05/09/2023 14:56

Anon123321123 · 05/09/2023 14:27

Oh I'd never consider not going, we've been friends since early primary school so not worth damaging a 25 year relationship for! Especially as others have suggested this could be coming more from him.

I'll see her 1:1 for coffee and see if she needs to talk anything through 😊 weddings can be stressful!

Show quote history

Please do meet her, given she's such a close and long-standing friend, and find a way of asking her why she's basically marrying such a massive prick.

She'll waste years and years on this man, when the sacrifice is unnecessary and preventable.

And I wouldn't go to the wedding, no. I don't think I could bear it, seeing my friend hand herself over to misery and feeling weirdly disrespected at the same time.

billy1966 · 05/09/2023 15:06

This is the actions of a man who wants to isolate her by forcing her to offend close friends and family.

If you are such a good friend spell it out to her and warn her, she is in real peril.

If she insists on marrying him despite your warning, that is on her.

She will bitterly regret her decision.

readingmakesmehappy · 05/09/2023 15:08

DH's family is bigger than mine and PIL kept trying to add more of their friends to our wedding invitations. When the guest list was 60/40 his/mine I put my foot down and said no more as I didn't want my wedding to be full of people I'd met once for 20 seconds.

Itick8outof10boxes · 05/09/2023 15:41

Just be there for her when this 'marriage' goes toes up as it probably will do if he's such a knob about equal numbers and what people do for a living.
I guess he's a c.e.o of his own company with 1000+ employees to be so dismissive.

sockarefootwear · 05/09/2023 16:21

If I thought there was a chance that the person my friend was about to marry was trying to isolate her from her friends I would definitely attend, even if it meant going without my partner. It might be difficult to be there and resist the urge to tell him what you think but not being there will make it easier for him to convince her that you are not real friends/don't care about her/unreasonably dislike him/don't want to see her happy etc etc. If you really think he's trying to control her you need to make it as easy as possible for her to turn to you when she realises.

NeedToChangeName · 12/10/2023 12:02

I know some couples who agreed that they would each invite 50% of the guest list eg 50 guests each

So, if bride has a large family, then she has less space for her friends

Or if groom wants to invite his colleagues, then he has less space for his distant family

Not necessarily how I would approach it, but could it be something like that? This could explain why the groom's friends are invited with partners, but bride's friends are invited on their own

TheOccupier · 12/10/2023 12:41

Can see why this is hurtful but it doesn't sound like this marriage has much of a future. Read the other thread on here today about someone who spent a fortune celebrating a marriage that lasted 2 weeks, maybe that will make you feel better! Weddings are expensive to attend.

Goldbar · 12/10/2023 12:55

ShirleyPhallus · 05/09/2023 11:27

I don’t think you should see this about you, it’s clearly a cry for help given that her husband to be is basically controlling her in to having a very small group of invitees while he has a huge list

Id check if she’s ok, not be pissed off at her. It isn’t about you

This. Big red flag imo.

Don't be hurt. It's just another wedding for you, no big deal.

I'd be more concerned with what this says about her relationship with her fiance. Sounds like he's calling all the shots.

Bertiesmum3 · 12/10/2023 14:59

Anon123321123 · 05/09/2023 12:02

I'm glad you said this @ShirleyPhallus as this is what has been in the back of my mind. She has a large immediate family and from a few comments I think her fiancé has made it clear he wants at least as many guests from his side as hers, even if this means his distant cousins and partners come instead of her close friends' husbands.

He's had form in the past of putting down some of my friends' partners based on their jobs, so I think you could be right that this is on him.

Hopefully she doesn't regret her choice!

Edited

I can understand why you’re upset and annoyed, but please for your friends sake, don’t fall out with her, as she’s going to need you for a shoulder soon, as her husband to be sounds very controlling

New posts on this thread. Refresh page