WIBU to not take a present?

[Whatshallichangemyusernameto]

Hard hat donned… here goes!
A very good friend of mine who I’ve know for about 25 years is getting married in a few weeks and had a get-together at their house so wedding guests could meet each other - a lovely idea as there will only be about 20 people at the wedding. She prepared a buffet for us all. They have been living in the house for years but recently (a year or so ago) bought it off their landlord and have done it up so wanted to show it off. I would too - it’s beautiful!

They've been engaged for about eight years but have been unable to get married as they were brought up in different religions and cultures and it took a very long time for their families to accept their relationship, so it wasn’t an engagement party. The day before, I messaged the bride asking if there was anything she wanted me to bring. She thanked me but declined. I’m not sure this is relevant but I grew up in a different culture to both my friend and her fiancé and I’m used to people accepting an offer like this and suggesting I bring a plate of something for the buffet (politely, of course).

Anyway, during the party, I was chatting to my friend and she spotted a bottle bag in the corner and said, “Oh, somebody has left a present there. Most people gave them to me on the way in. Hmmmm.” I just shrugged it off and we carried on chatting. Last night, she messaged me with:
‘Hey, just going through the presents finally lol, there's a gift bottle of prosecco that hasn't got a card or label. Is that from you guys? Trying to track down the owner!’
Read: ‘Where is my present?!’

I didn’t take a present as I bought her one when she got engaged and was planning to put money in their wedding card as per their request. I also didn’t see it as a house-warming as I bought them a ‘new home’ card and gift when they moved in, not when they bought it recently. I also didn’t want to take a generic wine or prosecco gift as neither of them drink alcohol.

WIBU to not take a present to the party, just to give money as a wedding gift in a few weeks?

Your friend is asking if the prosecco was yours so she could thank the right person.

Definitely nothing to fret over here.

I would have taken flowers tbh. It sounds like it was a housewarming/wedding/casual dinner party combo, all of which I’d take a gift to which would be flowers for non drinking hosts. But I think her manners in repeatedly mentioning gifts are off.

I never go to someone's house forca gathering without something. I usually bring wine, as I drink it, and a bunch of flowers or a plant, chocolates or something for the hosts.

Don't send this message.

I don't know that the bride was asking "Where's my present". Please don't assume she was being grabby.

You could say "I didn't realise we were bringing wedding presents last night, I'd planned for bring it on the day"

I would normally take a token gift to a dinner party. A bottle, chocolates or flowers.

I agree with this. I don't think it sounds like she's being grabby, she just wants to make sure she thanks the right person 🤷🏻‍♀️

In the UK it is usual to bring a small gift to a party. In this case another guest took Prosecco. That gives you an idea of the value of the gift we’re talking about. Chocolates (or other posh sweets) flowers, a plant in a pretty pot, or a bottle of wine.

In your friend’s case, as they don’t drink, I wouldn’t have taken wine, but I wouldn’t have arrived with “my arms swinging”.

Re her queries about whether you brought the Prosecco, just reply it wasn’t from you and thank her for the lovely party. Don’t mention the lack of a gift from you - what’s done is done. You are not mean, and she knows that, and will certainly know it when she receives your wedding present.

YANBU to not take a gift.

However, she's your good friend of 25 years, and you've immediately interpreted her text in that way? I would have read it exactly the way she wrote it and thought no more of it. I'd give her a call and say it wasn't you, and you didn't give anything and now feeling a bit embarrassed - was it expected? I'm sure she'll put your mind at rest.

Where I'm from a wedding gift is usually given prior to the wedding. But I think as more people switch to wanting money or gift cards that's changed, much easier to take along an envelope on the day than a canteen of cutlery or a bale of towels. It used to be the done thing to have a show of presents, it rankled a little with my DM that I didn't want one. Perhaps the other gifts were either wedding gifts or token "I never visit empty handed" type things. I think I'd reply "well after 25 years I think I know not to get you alcohol. Still planning to give you money as requested on the big day unless there's something else you need"

Thank you everyone for your replies - they’ve been helpful. I’ll reply to her message now. Often when I go to parties at people’s houses, it’s usually for a birthday or similar type of celebration so take a gift for that particular occasion.
For those who’ve asked why I interpreted the message as ‘where’s my present?’, it’s because she has been judgemental about the monetary value of gifts she’s been given/someone has given to a third party in the past - I’ve never been on the receiving end of this before (as I know her well and we have a ‘budget’ of sorts when we buy each other gifts for Christmas and birthdays) but I know what she could be thinking.
Again, thanks for the replies.

Woah woah woah - people are really jumping to conclusions here - she might have genuinely thought the bottle was from you and wanted to make sure she thanked you if so? Nothing here suggests that she is being a CF, I think you could be reading into things too much!

The update sheds a different light! That's not a nice trait to have so she could well have been having a dig.

I think my message is much better, but whatevs.