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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Visiting old colleagues

14 replies

silverretrieve · 05/09/2023 04:26

When I was in my 20s, I worked with a bunch of people the same age and there were a lot of personal relationships amongst that - friendships, cliques, bitchiness, people dating and assuming others fancy their crush, Christmas party drama etc. I tried my best to keep out of it but I definitely got gossiped about! I did make a few friends but they have all moved on. It was very much like school, very tiring, very insular, a bit intimidating if you’re not “in”. It was an operational role.

I have been promoted twice and work in a non operational function in the same company, equivalent of their manager’s manager. As part of my new role, I need to visit my old workplace where the majority of the people who caused me issues still work (as the nicer ones have moved on). Aibu to be bricking it? Although I’m sure they don’t care about me, I think some tension might arise and it will be a testing day to rise above it. I know I’m in a more senior position and need to act it, but it will be taxing

OP posts:

Autieangel · 05/09/2023 05:48

Hopefully they have all grown up a bit too? Just try to remember they are not your friends, it doesn't matter what they think of you. Just be professional and do your job

Original poster

silverretrieve · 05/09/2023 06:27

i hope so!

But equally I wouldn’t put it past some to be a bit off. I need to speak to the managers on site and will probably catch up with a few who were nice to me. I think ultimately it’s polite if I at least greet the rest as I’ll be in their space

OP posts:

RoadLess · 05/09/2023 06:36

Well, what is the day supposed to achieve? I’d focus on your objectives.

ChocolateCakeOverspill · 05/09/2023 06:52

Exactly what @RoadLess says, you’re there in a professional capacity, if you see them be professionally friendly like you would anyone but ultimately you’re there to do your job. Focus on that.

determinedtomakethiswork · 05/09/2023 07:21

Are you anticipating them dredging up things from the past that won't show you in a good light?

UndercoverCop · 05/09/2023 07:24

What are you frightened of? You're in a professional position of seniority, you're going there to do your job, so go and do what's needed.
What do you think is going to happen?
Did you do something morally questionable or was the gossip unfounded?

Aworldofwonder · 05/09/2023 07:24

If they are gossip mongers it's far more likely they will be delighted to see you so they can chew your ears off about all the non events which have been happening since you left.

EmmaPaella · 05/09/2023 07:26

I can understand why you are fretting about this OP. I’d hate to go back to where I worked in my early twenties.

AuroraForever · 05/09/2023 07:34

How long ago did you work with them? Have you kept in contact with any of them? If many years since, chances are some of them may not remember you. Or you could pretend to only partially recognise them. If anyone brings up anything you don’t want to talk about from the past just give a slightly confused look and say ‘I don’t really remember, it was such a long time ago’.

Original poster

silverretrieve · 05/09/2023 08:26

Before I left, someone said they didn’t think I deserve the promotion and I’d be shit! That kind of thing. Another said I’m ruining her relationship because her annual leave was rejected as she took over my old tasks.

It’s been 2 years.

I’m hosting a conference on site, so I’ll be touring the building and getting a plan together with the site managers in the morning, then bringing dozens of guests in, then in back to back meetings for 2 days.

OP posts:

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 05/09/2023 08:37

What are they really going to do? If they behave badly to a senior manager (you) who is hosting an important meeting at their site it’s going to bite them on the bum. They know that. They may bitch behind your back but I suspect they’ll behave in front of you.

The trick on your part is to act like you were all a happy team and be utterly gracious. That gives them a face saving way out of any awkwardness, means you don’t look petty and vindictive and will really piss off the one’s who thought they got to you.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 05/09/2023 08:42

George Herbert understood 400 years ago

“The best revenge is living well.”

You got it right and the got it wrong.

Original poster

silverretrieve · 22/09/2023 00:18

Just wanted to post an update on this to thank those of you who posted 😊

The event went well, more people were excited to see me than anything! Caught up with loads of people. I even got a wedding invitation and a gift. Some people said they want to work on my new team with me as their manager - biggest compliment I received. My old manager even sat with me for a catch up.

There were some shady comments! Someone pointedly shouted “bye John” to John as I was speaking to John without acknowledging me, practically made my ears ring. This was the one who said I tried to ruin her relationship before. Some people ignored me or approached me for really petty things like “did you drop this piece of fluff?” Someone mentioned my new pay lol

OP posts:

Aworldofwonder · 22/09/2023 14:49

Good for you OP! I'm so glad it was positive. I had meant to post earlier to remind you that even if they are horrible the sad reality is that you have moved on literally and figuratively and they haven't. I am laughing at the new comment, I hope you inwardly laughed and said that's right losers.

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