Asking family for advice or not

[Sparklybutold]

I need perspective.

I am estranged so I have learnt to be very self-sufficient. We are moving and one of the aunts on my DH side lives in the area we are moving too. DH mum stated the other day ‘the aunt would be hurt if we didn't ask for advice on the area/schools’. What narks me is I have spent 23 years of my life with no input from this lady and DH has zero relationship with her. Moving is stressful as it is but we have to add another opinion layer on top of the million and one decisions we are already having to make. So, aibu and misjudging family dynamics and the need for family politics or can I continue to say ‘i don't know this lady so it would be weird to just say - ‘hey… so what advice do you have?’.. It just feels we've had zero input when there was ample time to have input and yet we have to ask her opinion about the area? Am I missing something?

Well, her input could be insightful and therefore helpful.

I don't really see what you have to lose by sending her a short, friendly email asking for any suggestions/help?

No point making family relations worse - someone being able to give you some help isn't the worse thing in the world!

Fair enough. I'm being a grump. Cheers for insight.

No probs - you're entitled to be grumpy, as house buying/moving is one of the most stressful things you can do!

I think it’s always helpful to have a chat with someone local. You just have to be careful and separate facts from fiction. However my problem is that some people (especially older relatives) would expect you to follow their advices and would take it very personally if you were disagree. Hope it’s not your aunt’s case.
Has she got DC at school?

YANBA in my opinion. I find these kind of expectations from older relatives a bit suffocating and I think helping us sometimes does a lot more for them than it does for us.
Her advice might be very useful but I wouldn’t add it to your task list. If your DH wants to speak to her then he should!

She’s not your aunt, she’s your H’s. Leave it to him. This is a prime example of your MIL trying to make you do the wife work.

Why are you getting involved? It’s the husband’s mom, and the husband’s aunt. The husband can talk to the aunt if he wants, and if not great. Let the man take responsibility for something and stay out of it. Post after post on this site the wife is saddled with her husband’s family’s communication bullshit.

This. This. This. This. This.

In one way it might seem a simple thing but if someone does not need advice why on earth would someone feel odd if they are not 'allowed' to give it

This older generation expectations or infact expectations at all is weird and patronising

Sure if you want advice ask but I dont join in with mind games of 'thus person will be upset if you don't do what they want you to do'

Might be nice to have a family member in your local area so maybe your dh would contact his auntie. I am older and genuinely wouldn't care if my nephew didn't ask me so it is unusual your mil making a fuss. Still your dh could send a very general message saying where ye are moving to and then ignore any advice that is nor of any use.
Might be a handy babysitter in the future!!!

I'm always cautious about asking for advice in case whoever gives it gets mortally offended when I choose to do something different.

Non of us MN’ers would have any contact whatsoever with our inlaws. You are risking exclusion.
MN rule 37b.

All her children are grown and left however she works in the local schools.

DH has diligently taken on that responsibility. I always find the ‘help’ thing highly subjective. There have been so many times, help would have been gratefully received and yet there is an expectation here to ask for ‘help’ of someone otherwise they'll get offended. I just find it weird and cumbersome.

If she works in the schools then why wouldn't you ask?

😂

Because I don't know her.

What difference does that make?!

If she works in local schools she might tell you something useful.