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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I asked my partner to leave

30 replies

lgrizzly · 04/09/2023 23:11

I've NCed for this.

DS is 21 and finished uni a few months ago. He has a bf and he's been with him for a year, he's 19. I get along with him. He's NC with his family which isn't any of my business and was staying with a friend. DS came back to live here and asked if he can live with us. I agreed and so did DP although he was a little unsure about them sharing a room which was strange as they're both adults.

BF works and DS doesn't as he is struggling with his mental health and attempted suicide not to long ago. BF gives me money for rent but I save it for them both.

We have some house rules and they're usually good with them but occasionally don't follow them. For example, we have a rule about cleaning up after themselves and BF has broken it 3 times. The first time we got back earlier than planned and he was very apologetic, the 2nd time he said he forgot and the 3rd time was tonight. Me and DP went out and when we came back the kitchen was left in a mess which was left from cooking and they hadn't washed up. DP is much more strict than I am and was unhappy, I calmly spoke to them both and BF said it was his fault and DS told me he wanted BF to watch a film with him and told him the mess would be fine.

DP told BF to leave as it was his third ‘strike’ and he didn't care about DS’s excuse for him. DS was upset and told me to not make him leave so I told DP to leave instead.

He's gone to his brothers but will be back as the house isn't just in my name. I've since had messages off of him calling me soft and saying DS is spoilt.

was I unreasonable?

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 05/09/2023 05:38

It sounds like an over reaction from your partner but then he didn’t seem to want them both living there in the first place

junbean · 05/09/2023 05:42

You sound like a wonderful mother first of all. But I don’t think a messy kitchen is worth making a big fuss. No one was hurt and everyone’s safe. BF means well and has been apologetic. Some people procrastinate or are just messy. He hasn’t got any family and who knows what kind of home he came from. I would give him grace. I say get over it and just give a kind reminder instead.

CherryMaDeara · 05/09/2023 07:29

lgrizzly · 05/09/2023 00:40

We have joint finances. I'm saving the money for when they want to move out, I thought that was a common thing to do.

It isn't up to just BF to clean up but the first 2 occasions he was the only person home. I was happy to let them continue with the film, DP wasn't and even after they’d both cleaned up he still wanted BF to leave. I had no idea about the ‘strikes’. The other rules they haven't followed are them both coming home drunk and waking us all up, the same with them having their TV very loud at night that we can hear.

DP didn't mind BF moving in, he was just unsure about them sharing a room.

Saving money for your son and boyfriend would be fine but you’re effectively taking money away from your DP.

You should be giving half of the money to DP and you can save the other half. Did you discuss with DP before hand? Or did you just assume he would be ok with financing your son’s future property?

So because your DP was home you expected him to clean up YOUR son’s mess?

The more you post the more I think DP is well out of this mess.

Please don’t expect rent pr bill money from him whilst he’s moved out.

Testina · 05/09/2023 08:55

The other rules they haven't followed are them both coming home drunk and waking us all up, the same with them having their TV very loud at night that we can hear.

Well there we go.

Quite manipulative of you to post the incidents where your boyfriend looks like the upright dick over a few dirty plates. When the reality is your son is selfish, disrespectful and spoilt.

They’ve only been there what - 3 months? - if this is since uni ending. And as well as the mess they are waking you up drunk and with the TV blaring multiple times.

Your son spoilt by you, or you wouldn’t have manipulated the responses leaving this out 🤷🏻‍♀️

No suicide attempt means you can’t leave the TV off when others are asleep.

whynotwhatknot · 05/09/2023 09:24

i agree you leftg o9ut the part thatits nit just dirty dishes but being loud and rude

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