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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Would I be awful to put DS in nursery on a day I’m not working?

31 replies

Havanawinter · 04/09/2023 22:31

DS3 starts school next September and we’ve decided to up his nursery days from 2 to 3 from January onwards to get him used to slightly longer weeks. The dilemma I’m having is which day to send him.

I work 3 days a week; on two of my work days DS is in nursery and the other he’s with DH. I can’t decide whether DS’s third nursery day should fall on his day with DH or on another day of the week when I’m not working. DH is being entirely noncommittal and doesn’t mind either way (allegedly)

wwyd?

OP posts:

BotherThat · 04/09/2023 22:34

Does your DH work?

Lostthetastefordahlias · 04/09/2023 22:34

Can you do spring term one day & summer term the other day?

Zonder · 04/09/2023 22:35

If DH doesn't mind then go for it.

Original poster

Havanawinter · 04/09/2023 22:36

Yes he works compressed hours, 5 in 4.

OP posts:

Whatnextformoi · 04/09/2023 22:38

Why do you want to put him in nursery? Personally I wouldn’t, I’d want to spend as much time as possible with him but that’s me. They grow up so quickly and I enjoyed every day off I had with mine.

AndIKnewYouMeantIt · 04/09/2023 22:39

I'd have done it on the DH day so he could go back to a 5pm finish, because my absolute least favourite bit of the day was 5pm to 7pm and the year we did of him working 8-6 for childcare reasons was tough.

Girasoli · 04/09/2023 22:43

I have mine in nursery on a day I don't work - I use that day to do boring errands and housework so it doesn't eat into the weekend. I also like to take DS1 out for a bit after school before picking up DS2 so DS1 can have some mummy to himself time.

whatdidshedotogetahillnamedafterher · 04/09/2023 22:45

Nothing at all wrong with it OP. If you need some space and to get some time for you and your little one is happy then do it. My dd went to nursery and pre school from 2 yrs, she loved the company and was so happy there. I enjoyed my time to regroup with myself and I think it made me a happier parent.

LaviniasBigBloomers · 04/09/2023 22:48

Ooh that's a tough one, because on the one hand I wouldn't want DH to lose his day with DC, but on the other, if he could come back down from compressed hours and do bedtimes etc like a pp said... I always found that to be the hardest time of the day.

OTOH Jan to Sept isn't that long at all in the scheme of things so maybe use that time to transition to whatever your 'school' working hours will be? It would be nice to have a bit of flex around summer and getting organised for school which is such a difference in terms of days off, not being open every day of the year, etc.

Malapataraso · 04/09/2023 22:48

Whatnextformoi · 04/09/2023 22:38

This is so not helpful, this is just smarmy. Go smarm somewhere else.

Malapataraso · 04/09/2023 22:50

The way you’ve worded your question sounds like you want the third nursery day to be the day he’s with his dad. If that’s what you want then do it. You can always change it, you’re not locked in forever.

Original poster

Havanawinter · 04/09/2023 22:59

To be honest I really don’t know what I want. I think of all the things I could do with a whole day to myself in the week, but the guilt of it makes me feel rotten. I have in my head that he needs that third day to get him ready for a 5 day school week but perhaps he doesn’t? He’s a summer baby so will be young in the year.

OP posts:

Whatnextformoi · 04/09/2023 23:02

@Malapataraso Not smarmy at all. You’ve really misinterpreted my post. It’s just not what I would do because that’s my choice….. just as the OP also has a choice. Each to their own. This is an AIBU post so just giving MY own experience. Nobody is right or wrong.

acquiescence · 04/09/2023 23:07

We have a fairly similar set up. I have a half day to myself each week. In this time I do solid housework which means I can enjoy my time with my prescoolers instead of always being fraught and stressed. I quite like housework, appreciate this wouldn’t be a good plan if you didn’t.

My DH does the same hours as yours and it works very well for us, I’d hate him to lose that 1-1 day with the children, so few dads have this. I work part time so still have the extra week day even with the half day nursery. (also work compressed hours and some weekends). I’m assuming you’re part time as you say ‘one of your days’?

whatdidshedotogetahillnamedafterher · 04/09/2023 23:09

Op if your little one is happy then stop the guilt please.Parenting is hard and relentless and even a bit boring and monotonous at times, I mean the wheels on the bloody bus can only go round and round 10,000 times before you want to drive that bus into a wall!!! You are allowed to still be you and not just mum a little. Happy, relaxed,rested mums are better than tired,worn out ones I think.

travelogue · 04/09/2023 23:16

If it makes you feel any better, I put my DC in nursery when I wasn't working at all. Mornings only, Montessori, but still. It wasn't only for their benefit, I went to the gym or played tennis or got things done. Don't feel guilty that you have a bit of time to yourself not at work and not with DC if it's what works for your family.

DojaPhat · 04/09/2023 23:20

Honestly take what you can and forgo the guilt. Parenting is a long road, a lot of it magical, some of it intense, some of it sad and everything else inbetween! The time for guilt may arise but it won't be over this. Being a parent doesn't mean that you still don't need time for whatever you find important be that batch cooking or binge watching Netflix.

Notsuredontknow · 04/09/2023 23:28

I would have the day to myself and keep DP’s day with him. I would use that day for cleaning and life admin and then the time I am with DC would be free of much of that. Does he enjoy nursery? If so I wouldn’t feel guilty about sending him an extra day, he’ll probably love it and you can always pick him up earlier when you fancy

SouthLondonMum22 · 04/09/2023 23:30

Of course it isn't awful. It's nursery, not chimney sweeping.

There's absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. You'd still get a day with him during the week anyway.

Mothers (because it's always mothers who are judged or feel guilty) are allowed to not spend every single minute of any spare time they get with their children.

SeulementUneFois · 04/09/2023 23:36

Do it, on "your" day.
And don't feel guilty about it.
Parenting is relentless, you're better when you have a break.

Johnisafckface · 04/09/2023 23:36

My DD went to nursery on the day I didn’t work. I used that time to do grocery shopping, go to the gym, take time for myself. I’m really introverted so I need alone which gave me time to reenergize to parent. Plus my DD is very social and loves being around other kids. So it was a win win for the both of us.

SnowflakeCity · 04/09/2023 23:36

I think it's really important that kids get 1 on 1 time with their dads while they are small, I wouldn't send him in on that day.

stonedaisy · 05/09/2023 00:20

Have the day off. You can rest or get some chores done in peace

Tourmalines · 05/09/2023 01:00

@Whatnextformoi Yes , you are being smarmy . Actually, you are being quite ignorant. He is already in nursery because his mother has to work . The question was asking about the extra day , not about his actual attendance and your questioning why he is even there. YES , you do YOU . Others do THEM .

cosmos4 · 05/09/2023 07:28

I wouldn't put him in on DH's day. I would have thought it's better that you both understand and keep in mind what a full day of childcare is like with your DS. Otherwise you are making quite an uneven weight and setting a precedent that you are 'more responsible' for DS.

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