To never save anything every month and wonder what is the point of working

[Door12345]

I don't really know what I'm looking for here just a moan and hopefully some advise to get saving and motivated
I feel stuck in a rut and don't really know what to do ,
I'm 38 and bought a small 2 bed in 2015 , but used the government help to buy scheme , I'm paying interest on that loan at moment not much that's manageable but iv no really plan for paying this off
I'm on 41k a year iv nothing saved at all and debt of around 2300 quid , this is debt owed to parents, iv around 28k equity in the house so selling isn't an option as with the current market I would t have enough of a deposit for anything better than what I have

Could any body give me some advice re my outgoing and where I might be going wrong , I have detailed below best I can , I just want some motivation to get saving

DH works full time also and buys shopping each week and has his own bills like car finance and he has credit card debt , we have just finished paying nursry bills that was 140 quid a week so from this week DH is gonna save that

My wage as follows
Take home monthly £2498

Bills including car finance - £1080
Money owed to parents I pay back at -£400 quid a month
Trying to save 500 quid also to match roughly what DH saving
Leaves me with around 140 per week personal spends which also includes fuel
What should I be saving ? I just feel bad that I owe money and so does DH , he owes around 5 grand on a credit card , we both have car finances also
I feel in a mess

Yeah that 140 quod is just for me but I'd say 50 a week goes on petrol (I get about half back from work ) slimming world and zumba I pay for also , I'm gonna look to cut that down I think to maybe 100 a week and save the rest
100 a month 25 a week I couldn't manage off that

Take a look at YNAB - using it has turned my finances around. You get to learn how you spend every pound, how you make decisions about spending etc.

It takes a bit if time to learn the art of YNAB but it's really worth it. Lots of mners use it - it was recommended to me in here.

I think you need to start writing down everything you spend - I’d do it in a notebook and write it down as soon as you spend it, or an excel spreadsheet if you’re that way inclined. Look back each week and then at the end of the month, you’ll soon see where the money goes. Then you can decide whether, for example, you should book the soft play for just after lunch so you don’t buy food there, or go to the playground instead. When you’re used to having “enough” so that you can just bimble along it’s a different mindset to actively budget so that you know what you’re spending.

Overall, you seem to be doing ok. You are both saving, you’re paying down debts, you just need to get more purposeful about it all.

I’d recommend:
posting a full statement of affairs (breakdown of all your expenses and debt repayments) on the money saving expert get out of debt board and reading other peoples debt diaries. They will give you lots of help.

Watch Dave Ramsay 7 Baby Steps - which is a step by step guide to paying off debt - it involves changing your lifestyle and relationship with money, and ideally you join finances with your husband and do it together. there is a course you can do.

Watch Ramit Sethi I will teach you to be rich videos on you tube for how to structure your finances and talk with your partner about money (and what goes wrong between couples with money). He also has a Netflix show out at the moment.

I don’t understand why spends on kids are YOUR personal spend?

My £170 a month for MY personal allowance covers-

1. My fancies and my buys
2. my coffees
3. my lunch top ups
4. my lunch or dinners outs
5. my takeaways
6. keyword MY

We have a 7 year old and 3 year old and their every single expense is shared between me and spouse.

That day out with 1 kid would have cost me £8, though. I wouldn't have bought coffees, drinks and a bit of lunch! We'd have had drinks before we went, taken a water bottle for littlie if needed, and either gone back home for lunch, or taken a pack up and eaten it in the park.

You have to choose very carefully what you do - if you chose to spend it then you can't save it

I seem to be living the high life and have everything I could want - and I do

But Don't look at my car
I'd not buy lunch or a coffee out
Don't buy make up , don't get my hair or nails done , clothes are bought to replace worn out stuff

I can go weeks without spending anything
And when dd was small we went weeks without spending anything

Soft play was a special treat once or twice a year , and once a year to the farm park otherwise park, seaside ( no ice cream or chips or amusements)

This weekend I have spent loads ( big event ) I bought 3 soft drinks and an ice cream and it felt wild and reckless

@Door12345 i think it sounds normal to me. Stuff adds up. I’m surprised some manage by spending so little. Even a basic dress is £30/35 in supermarket clothing ranges. A pack of tights is a tenner. Etc.

Is there a deadline for repaying the Help to Buy loan? And is it a fixed amount or percentage of property value?

Once you finish repaying your parents, that will free up £400 a month. And 6 months' time isn't long.

How about two current accounts? Salary paid into one and then set up a monthly standing order to pay a realistic fixed amount into the second, which you use for daily expenditure. It reduces you frittering money just because it's sloshing around in your daily-use current account. Let the excess money build up in the first account and start transferring some to an interest paying savings account.

You’re a bit all over the place here OP.

Do you save £500/month currently or are you saying you try but it gets swallowed up by other spends?

If you and DH are managing to save £1000/month between you I don’t understand how you’re saying you don’t have anything saved?

You need to do a proper budget. As others have said, £150/week personal spend is loads, it’s more than what I allow myself on more than your salary.

All you need are small changes - so go to soft play, but not over lunch. Make the most of the good weather by doing picnics in the park. Get National Trust or English Heritage membership for days out. Make a list of all the free things to do in your area; if you do a bit of digging I’m sure you’ll find stuff.

I took my daughter soft play today 8 quid entry , a coffee and a drink and a bit of lunch that was 27 quid

I don’t think I ever had lunch at soft play when mine were little! We went in the morning or after lunch, so ate at home-or a picnic at the park afterwards. I’d take water for the kids and I might buy a can or drink or tea for me. If you’re trying to save, don’t have lunch out.

Are you saving £500 each month? And your DH is saving as well? Would that be best off going toward getting your debts paid off?

I'm really greatful for all the comments it really does all add up doesn't it but I really want to start watching what in spending so will take these tips on board
My husband took us all out for day yesterday farm type place with ice creame that was nice and an expense met by him , he does pay his way but if I have day off with little one spare of the moment I will take her soft play and pay for it x

Sorry to hijack the thread, but the people who have £100 - £150 a month personal spends, does this include things like getting your hair done, beauty products, gym, clothes, books, etc, or do you have different pots of money for these?

@Dyrne I am.very much all over place arnt I, iv just read my original post back I sound bi polar don't I
I feel like I have about 100 tabs in my brain at moment lol

Once you’ve paid your parents off, you’ll have £900 available to save/pay off debts! That’s more than some people could ever dream of, plus £560 for personal spends. I’m jealous 🤣

@midgemadgemodge This weekend I have spent loads ( big event ) I bought 3 soft drinks and an ice cream and it felt wild and reckless

Sounds miserable!

This! Let alone two cars on finance? Just get a cheap runaround.

A lot going on and in no particular order here’s my advice.

• Keep up with the debt payments…great job on that btw. I actually wouldn’t change this. Just keep it going until it’s done.
• you’re playing the shell game with your personal spend. You have built in savings with the reimbursement. When you get that money put it in a different account.
• track for awhile where that personal s-end is going. It’s either crap you can eliminate or something you need to be budgeting for.
• aim to save an emergency fund use the reimbursement money to fund that. Pick an amount. 300…400 doesn’t matter. Just keep plunking £ in there until you hit that goal.
• Once you hit that goal direct that £ to a different account. Again not your daily spend account. Keep setting it aside 50 a month.
• In Feb after your loan is paid. Add that same amount to this second savings account.
• ‘Once your loan £ is being saved maybe redirect the petrol money back to your emergency fund to beef that up. Pick a new goal …500/1000.
• Once you hit your new goal then start saving that money into a 3rd account. This is your holiday or big fun goal account.

Find a good money forum to start reading up on. People like Dave Ramsey (not my favorite), moneysavingexpert, or your money and more (spin-off of the old msn forums from a million years ago).

But it wasn't - that's the trick isn't it? To be able to have a great time without needing to buy things? I had great company , good crack , why do I need anything more ?

If you always have "treats" they aren't treats at all

If you always have small stuff you need big stuff to feel like a treat

It's like a drug - you "deserve if"

Yeah...this doesn't add up. You are on a good salary but maybe for the time being saving 500 a month is just not going to happen..that's OK.kids are young things will change. You would need to share your income/expenses between you both before you would really have equity in this situation... I wouldn't pay for all my kids food etc out of my own money for stuff. That's a household expense.

Does your husband pay for days out with your child or does that fall on you?

What about things like clothes and everyday bits and pieces, does he contribute fairly to them?

Op are you actually saving £500 a month currently. Cos that’s pretty good, especially if your DH is saving the same.

There is definitely room for you to trim back on your £100 a month, and it sounds like DH also pays for days out etc, so it’s not just you. Your DC doesn’t need a trip out somewhere every week. The park, a bike ride, a walk in the woods etc are also fun for DC and cost v little. Or go to soft play etc but don’t buy lunch.

Sometimes at soft play I’ll get a coffee for myself and lunch for DC (kids meals usually pretty cheap) and then I’ll just eat at home later. Usually though we go in between meal times and then I’m just buying a coffee (need caffeine to endure soft play) and I usually allow my kids to have one snack/drink which are pretty cheap. Same for most day out places. We take a picnic or work it round our meals. I’m not saying we never eat out, but lunch for a family of 4 gets v pricy, so we’ll often just get an ice cream or a coffee and a cake instead.

I sympathise though as everything is so expensive nowadays

I don't "get my hair done" - my friend (not a hairdresser!) trims it for me once or twice a year.

Don't really use much in the way of beauty products - standard supermarket deodorant/cotton buds/shampoo/conditioner/soap etc comes out of the supermarket shop. If I buy anything for me, I buy it out of my money, but that probably amounts to 2 or 3 new £3.99 nail polishes a year.

Don't have a gym membership, but do have a swim membership £20 a month - comes from my spends.

Clothes and shoes I buy for myself come out of my spends, but is usually £0/month, with the odd item here or there, but bought from supermarkets or charity shops so not big bucks. If I needed a new winter coat or pair of boots or something expensive like that, I'd use savings if needed, but I tend to only replace what wears out, not buy clothes for fun. And I have plenty of savings due to not spending much monthly!

Books - use library

Mostly I use it for socialising tbh. The odd cinema trip £7, the odd pub night out with a bottle of wine £15-20. Maybe once a month a dinner out (£30-50). Socialising at home (wine and food) would come out of the supermarket budget, and we do that either at our place or go to friends more often that we go out out nowadays.

We also have separate accounts for holidays etc, and plenty of savings should we fancy a splurge on a big treat.

Why is he the one saving the nursery fees?

Everything is really expensive now - children's activities included.

When my eldest (10) was a toddler, we went to a play barn that cost £1.50 one afternoon a week and he loved it. We'd go every week and meet friends there for the afternoon.

Now my youngest is a toddler - it's £9 for our local play barn

We don't go as often - we can't. When we do go we don't get lunch, we go home for it unless it's a specific occasion.

Cutting back doesn't mean not doing anything, it means thinking more carefully about what you do.

I am an online SW member now - but I don't have the gym membership too - it's one or the other so for now I decided I needed the support of the sw platform and I walk the dog for exercise. Again, making choices rather than having it all.