AIBU?
My daughter is 14. Really good girl. Has her head screwed on (normally!) A few months ago she told me she has a boyfriend, we talk openly a lot of we have a really good bond. I noticed her behavior completely changed and she became very moody and acted like she has grown up 10 years over night. Very lazy and stopped helping out around the house. We spoke about it which turned into abit of an argument. I told her she wouldn't be seeing him again and treating us and the home the way she was. Something I really wish I hadn't done. She finished with him and we spoke about it. She agreed she wasn't ready for a boyfriend and noticed she had changed herself. Fast forward to now. I had a feeling she had a boyfriend, her attitude started to change and her behavior again. She started lying to me telling me she was going out with the girls. I just knew she wasn't. I was doing my normal checks on her social media (a rule in place because she got badly bullied online to the point I had to contact the police last year) it turns out I was right and she has got a boyfriend. This boy is completely nothing like her. He drinks, smokes vapes and today I have found out he smokes weed. Straight away I want to put my foot down. Problem being, I tried this last time which has led to her lying this time. Also I got with my husband at 16 and he was a typical 'bad boy' doing the same stuff this lad is doing, I skipped school often after I got with him (which was very much not like me, I was a 'good girl' and until this point never skipped school or anything!) Just to see him. I began drinking and smoking too. My mum put her foot down and I pushed back doing everything I could to stay with him. It got that bad my mum told me if I wanted to live like that I could move out. Which I did I moved in with him. For us we are still together now with four children 17 years on but I know this isn't the normal for teenage romances.
What do I do?
I don't want to push her in a way my mum did because we are very similar and I know she will push back and be sneaky like I was but I also don't want her with this boy. Do I let her learn the hard way? Should I be supportive so she can come to me? How can I support this relationship when he is into stuff I hope she doesn't do.