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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How honest should you be with cafcass?

6 replies

Sporkle99 · 04/09/2023 14:04

Meeting with cafcass tomorrow. I'm raising concerns about my child's father and subtle behaviours he has been displaying during supervised contact. They don't see this as it's always outside the contact centre or done so subtly that the supervisers don't notice it. Aka him turning up late so we end up bumping into each other, then undermining me.

I worry that if I raise my concerns that I believe he is still abusive, they won't see it. They won't get it because he isn't literally punching me in the face or threatening me.

I fear that I will he seen ad obstructive.

On the other hand, how the hell do I not advocate for my child's safety? I have to tell them how I feel, do I not?

FWIW I actually really like the Cafcass officer. She's brilliant and very balanced.

I also have a glowing report from the contact centre and they are impressed that our child (5) has zero negative views of his father.

What do I do? Is honesty the best policy?

OP posts:
FizzyWizard · 04/09/2023 14:24

Can you raise it by asking for her advice about how best to manage this situation while also continuing to promote contact?

Original poster
Sporkle99 · 04/09/2023 14:43

FizzyWizard · 04/09/2023 14:24

Can you raise it by asking for her advice about how best to manage this situation while also continuing to promote contact?

I could yes. Though I really don't agree with contact, I will promote it whilst it is being court ordered.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sporkle99 · 04/09/2023 15:26

Bump

OP posts:
Jellycatspyjamas · 04/09/2023 15:33

You’d need to be clear about why his behaviours present a risk to your child’s safety as opposed to being annoying and inconvenient. Him arriving early and “bumping into” you is annoying and difficult to manage, but how does it impact her safety, for example (not asking you to answer that here but for you to think about how you frame things).

There’s a report out today on the impact of contact in cases where there’s domestic abuse, it might help to have a look for reference even if there’s been no domestic abuse - I obviously don’t know your situation.

I’d be giving concrete examples of the behaviour you’re finding problematic and clearly showing how the impact your child’s safety.

Original poster
Sporkle99 · 04/09/2023 15:38

Jellycatspyjamas · 04/09/2023 15:33

You’d need to be clear about why his behaviours present a risk to your child’s safety as opposed to being annoying and inconvenient. Him arriving early and “bumping into” you is annoying and difficult to manage, but how does it impact her safety, for example (not asking you to answer that here but for you to think about how you frame things).

There’s a report out today on the impact of contact in cases where there’s domestic abuse, it might help to have a look for reference even if there’s been no domestic abuse - I obviously don’t know your situation.

I’d be giving concrete examples of the behaviour you’re finding problematic and clearly showing how the impact your child’s safety.

Thank you, I will.

Do you have a link to the report?

OP posts:
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