I am totally washed up and feel like life is over, does anyone get this?

[washesup]

I’m 38. In the last year I feel like I have become old. In every sense of the word. I have a four year old, no longer with his dad. My eyes are wrinkled, my mouth is wrinkled. I am exhausted from single parenting. I don’t have much time, ever. I used to be really proactive with learning and my interests, read a lot, watched theatre shows, went to the cinema etc, walks, restaurants, travelled. I don’t do anything these days. I sometimes see a film film something but life is busy, having a child means that I guess? But I’m not as engaging and sparkly as I used to be. I used to be really attractive (even if I say so myself!), but attractive in how I spoke and how I thought. Now I genuinely can barely string a sentence together, let alone a witty one. I see endless bills ahead for ds - again I know that is parenting, it’s to be expected. But I don’t see a future for me? My career has stalled, I’ve been on 68k for the last four years. No chance of promotion while I’m dashing round for ds alongside work. Everything feels… bleak.

You sound so tired, which makes everything so much harder. Do you have any support?

If you're on £68k with only one child to support, unless you're living in London, you have a lot of flex in your budget - could you go part time? Once he's in full time school, that should give you some more time and space to fill your cup and recover your sparkle. It is relentless with kids but you are in the enviable position of having money to throw at it, and I would say the most valuable thing your money could buy you right now is time. could you drop a day a week? Or purchase additional annual leave so you could take the odd day (like one a month or one a fortnight) just for you?

Also yes is his dad stepping up and doing his fair share? It shouldn't all be on you (unless he isn't fit to parent).

You sound like you are depressed OP. Depression can cause ‘everything to look bleak.’ I’m no expert, but perhaps talk about this with your GP and get a bit of counselling if needed. Not doing any of the things you used to do is a sign of depression also.

You do have a future. You are so tired and down you just can’t see it at the moment:

By the way I fully sympathise. I have a partner so I appreciate it's very different, but with two small kids, only just starting to sleep through the night, I do feel like a walking corpse a lot of the time - I'm always tired, never read or write or do any of the things that used to make me interested and interesting. I develop bad habits (like Mumsnet and biscuits) because they're cheap, quick dopamine hits that I can do alongside the kid and household stuff, it feels like something nice for me but actually just perpetuates the crappy feeling long term. It's so hard to take the time and make the effort to do things for me that would ACTUALLY make me feel good (good nutritious food, reading something beautiful or fascinating, sorting out my weight or my hair, doing some exercise). I feel very boring to other people, very flat a lot of the time. So I do know what it's like, and I won't be as shattered as you as my DP does do his bit. So also hugs!

small children and career and single parent = exhaustion

agree with pps you sound depressed. Your life CAN become good again.

Check your diet. Bodies change as you age. Could easily be some mineral or vitamin deficiencies are dragging you further down. I went dairy-free and took vit D and it was a revolution; a friend of mine cut out gluten and was a new woman.

You're tired. Your life isn't over, you're just very very tired. I had 4 kids (youngest is now 15). I look at 3-4yr olds with mild horror nowadays. Give me teenagers instead (!!)

Four-year-olds are awful. Two and three year olds are bad enough, but the fuck you fours? Grim.

It's uphill from here and sounds like you have some good foundations including your professional career. That's something to be proud of. Just do whatever you need to do to get through this next year.

Age 39 was when I noticed my face suddenly got older. 39 was when my lips started to wrinkle when I chewed, and when I got wrinkles on the sides near my ears, and when my chin started to sag. It’s like my face fell overnight. It was very upsetting. This is a rough age. You sound like you could use some therapy and maybe some meds. Even just temporarily to pull you up, it’s not forever. Good luck.

I’m also 38 with a 4 year old and definitely notice more wrinkles - but I don’t feel the future is bleak

you sound utterly exhausted and potentially depressed - how can you thrive if you are living of a half empty cup

as others have said, try and get a blood test to see if you are deficient and take vitamins

if you can take a half day off even - that could help even if it’s to do laundry - or F it - relax in peace with a cup of coffee

then hopefully things will get easier when your kid is at school

I take solace from the poster above who says 4 year olds are nightmares and that jt gets better! So so cute but so so cheeky and never listen! To anything! I hear you op