To book a day trip to Paris on my own?

[Siwggy]

I've just returned from a few days in Paris with my husband and children. While it was lovely break and we had a nice time, I felt like I didn't get to enjoy anything I really wanted to do.

The whole trip sure was exploring the different parks and playgrounds to ensure the children were happy and doing child friendly activities that they were enjoying. We didn't eat at any 'nice' (not wanting fancy - just nice) French restaurants. This is fine. I get it. But I would have liked to have enjoyed something a bit nicer in a traditional sit down Brasserie rather than McDonalds or quick bites like sandwiches on the go. We've got children and I don't expect them to wander around exploring the streets and the boutique shops or places I wanted to visit (we've been before so done many of the museums btw).

Towards the end of our time there we were out walking and the children were being a bit of a pain. I said to my husband that I would like to save up my money and come for the day on the Euurostar on my own to have a look at the shops, enjoy a glass of wine and a bite to eat and relax and people watch in one of the many Brasserie outdoor cafe type places and just generally do what I want on my own time for the day and then come back home in the evening.

He flipped out at me in front of the children telling me how selfish I was, and made a big issue of it making me seem like it was an awfully selfish idea to go away on my own to Paris for the day. Saying I didn't want to spend time with them and basically bad mouthing me in front of the children turning it into a massive issue when it really wasn't. I tried to explain and defend myself by saying I would be saving up my own money as a treat for myself to go shopping there and do all the things they had no interest in doing, therefor sparing them having to be bored and not enjoying themselves. I didn't think it was an unreasonable idea to suggest. I hate how he always does this and makes me out to be the bad person in front of the children turning non-issues into issues just to make me look bad. I tried to defend myself and explain my rationale with him, but he continued to pick an argument with me in front of the children and said I was ruining what was left of our holiday.

AIBU to save up my own money to go to Paris on my own for the day? Is it really that bad and offensive that I fancied the day in a foreign city on my own without my family?

Would he kick off as much if you had a girl friend to go with? What would he say if you had a Hen party to attend in Paris?
He sounds very controlling.
Next time he wants to do something alone, your chance to kick off!
If it was me, I’d save up, let the dust settle and announce “I’m going” and just b**ger off.

I don't really see the problem? If you're home by the evening I think go and enjoy your day! Even if you're home after kids bedtime surely he can do dinner/bed routine alone for one day? You're not exactly asking for the moon here!

He sounds awful.

Does he go on cycling/golfing holidays without his kids? What about going out for the day because the footie or rugby is on?

ofc yanbu unless he would enjoy shopping too.

Sounds like a great idea. His reaction is concerning.

Presumably he never goes out and does anything by himself for the day?

He should, as should you. Definitely go for the day by yourself. I'm jealous that you're close enough to London to be able to do that.

Also, you need to make sure you incorporate more of your 'wants' into family holidays. So make sure you see the things you want to see, do and eat as well as everyone else. If others are bored, so be it. Sounds like you've spent too much time putting yourself last before.

Yes do it!! I refuse to go to Paris atm as dc will ruin my lovely memories!! But I’d happily go with dc of I got a day to myself and would offer the same to dh. generally we try and do this in cities, so that we each get some kid free time to do something we’d like eg dh football match of some obscure team, gallery and lunch somewhere nice!

I’d also say you have a dh problem. His response wasn’t appropriate.

His reaction is awful and he sounds unpleasant and abusive. Look at this sentence again: "I hate how he always does this and makes me out to be the bad person in front of the children turning non-issues into issues just to make me look bad". Do you really want to live like this, constantly feeling like you have to defend yourself? Is this an example of a relationship that you want to model to your children and have them accept as normal and appropriate behaviour?

For the trip - I'd make it an overnight/weekend trip. With all the time you spend on the travel, I'd think a day trip not worth the hassle.