I hate being a mum and want to disappear

[UnusualPits]

This has happened in the last week. Before then I was genuinely ok, reasonably happy, had it all together, enjoyed time with DS and mentally felt ok. Since his birth I’d probably had around 5 tricky days and that’s it. I knew I was fortunate and knew it might not last but it really was quite easy and I am not sure what’s changed. I am now seeing that these first few months I was incredibly lucky to have found it so easy. I am not a lone parent but it feels like I am. Ds was the product of a v v short relationship of a year and was unplanned. Ex DP agreed he wanted ds but has done very little in the way of help practically. If I am being honest I went ahead with it as I wanted a baby and in my hormonal state it felt ‘meant to be’ as I have never missed a pill in my life. I was 35 when I had him and also felt like I would have struggled to get over terminating at that age.

This morning I just want to run away. Got up at 6am, as I have done for the last 10 months.

Fed ds, he was sick everywhere, all over the high chair. Lots of crying.

Took him for a bath. That was ok. Then he gets out and screaming continues.

Put him down to play while I do his milk, after a couple of minutes crying starts. Feed him the milk. Put him down to make a tea and he’s got a dirty nappy. Change his nappy. Put him back down to try and get some water and crying continues. All before 7:30am.

He is more settled now and I’ve had a drink but I don’t get any peace unless I leave him to whinge to himself a bit which is probably really awful?! I KNOW this is usual baby stuff. I just keep dreaming of another life. I love ds obviously and I can’t really imagine life without him now, if he wasn’t here I would always want life with him in it and would still be wanting a child as I had done for the last ten years. But I have gone from feeling pretty serene to just hating life. I hate that I have no help (parents v old), I hate that I will probably never have a lie in again for years. I hate that this has aged me so much. I hate not being able to eat properly or clean the house properly. I hate being on demand 24/7. I hate the whinging. I hate the crying. I hate the constant needs non stop. I hate the restrictive days and how I can’t nip out anywhere. I hate the lack of exercise. I hate that even though you CAN make life easier it costs lots of money - ready made food pouches, constant days out etc for entertainment. I don’t understand how I’ve gone from managing to this?? I hate everything.

On thinking further, I also wanted to say get the baby’s father to become more involved too - force the issue because they are the person you want to be able to rely on to help out at short notice or when both you and the baby are sick or whatever.
I actually found the baby years easier than the toddler years. Not to scare you, but one of my toddler’s took the terrible twos to extremes and was still acting like this when they were 9 and 1/2 years of age. Exhausting!!
Your ex-DP may not realise how helpful he could be- set out some expectations now of how he can be involved to give you some time back for yourself.
Often with the men in my life (DH, brothers, colleagues etc) I find i need to be very sraightforward and clear, setting out exactly what they need to do. Often they haven’t noticed the unspoken expressions or non verbal communication going on, so miss understanding the situation at hand. Ex DP may think you have it all under control and doesn’t see a place for himself in your set up, but if you want to get back into fitness and have some me-time (and you should) he sounds like your best bet.
When my kids were toddlers I paid a local high school girl to come over twice a week for 1.5 hours to spend time with them so I could cook dinner and and have a bit of an easier time of it.

I think you need to start your own thread as it sounds like you need the support.

People are just going to keep responding to the OP and she might not see your comment.

Please do post though as I’m sure you will get a lot of good suggestions and advice from people who have experienced how you are feeling. Before I realised it was a zombie thread I read quite a lot of comments from people who felt like you do right now but it got easier in time.

I’m childfree so probably not the best person to comment but I do know how it feels to be at crisis point and how lonely it feels. Motherhood is very very hard, I watched my sister and friends go through the early years and was full of admiration at how strong they were and it made me appreciate how difficult having a baby is. Up until then I had always wanted children because no one ever really tells you, or you can’t ever understand how hard it is till you experience it. That’s why I think it’s best you post where someone with a better understanding than me can give you advice.

Have you got support around you? Make sure you ask for help if it’s available, I was never sure if my help would be appreciated or not and only stepped in when asked, I wish I’d offered more now. I do know the help I gave was invaluable, babysitting or cooking and cleaning or just being a shoulder to cry on.
If you don’t have family or friends support then I’m sure others can advise where to go for it.

You are stronger then you think and in a situation that many many before you have been in and have said it does get better. Most people have told me that these years are the hardest and they never forget them, they all tell me that it’s worth it though xx