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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

But he chose you...

14 replies

feelinghappy · 03/09/2023 18:40

Married 26 years 2 teenage children. Met up with inlaws for lunch today and sisters in-law kept saying to me over and over again how many women/girls were attracted to my husband when they were young - literally listing different scenarios and naming women (lots of her friends) - such a weird conversation went on for at least half an hour! Then finished with "but he choose you so none of that matters anymore".

Well yeah I thought exactly - why are you going on about this?? It felt like a dig or maybe I'm just being insecure. I think she doesn't get our relationship as I'm very different to her brother (I'm an introvert - him an extrovert like her).

I'm probably being paranoid. I hate that I didn't know what to say just kind of agreed with her that he was popular and that I still think he's gorgeous.

OP posts:

whatdidshedotogetahillnamedafterher · 03/09/2023 18:42

I would take that as a compliment Op.You were and still are the best of the bunch. Sounds like your DH and his family are very happy he chose you.

Ohthatsabitshit · 03/09/2023 18:43

My aunt used to be like that about my Dad. He once told me that in his childhood home there was always drama and weeping and that mum was so brave and peaceful and strong (and she really is). He adored her and she was all he worried about when he was dying.

She doesn’t have to get it. You both get it.

Drummend01 · 03/09/2023 18:44

Don’t overthink it, yes it’s a odd thing for them to say but some people don’t have the same social etiquettes. They might have meant it as a compliment

Thepeopleversuswork · 03/09/2023 18:51

Urgh. I'd be creeped out by that too. It's like you're supposed to be eternally grateful that he's bestowed his affection on you. Yeah they probably meant it as a compliment but it's just really sexist and horrible, like he's some great catch and you were "chosen".

Are they usually like this?

KnowledgeableMomma · 03/09/2023 18:51

I probably wouldn't have been able to stop myself by saying something along the lines of, "Wait....are you talking about things that happened 26 YEARS AGO??" And then probably tuning out for the rest of the conversation. You got the guy, you have amazing family and life. Let her yap then change the subject.

CuteCillian · 03/09/2023 18:55

Would you prefer SIL pointing out DH was lucky to have you, as no one else would touch him with a barge pole?
I don't understand your issue.

Olika · 03/09/2023 18:56

I would have told her: exactly... so why are you talking about this?

MadameCamembert · 03/09/2023 18:58

CuteCillian · 03/09/2023 18:55

Would you prefer SIL pointing out DH was lucky to have you, as no one else would touch him with a barge pole?
I don't understand your issue.

Kind of this - I think it was probably meant as a weird backhanded nostalgic sort of compliment. Try not to dwell!
If it was a dig then I’m confident she’d have made it several years ago!

Elfandwellbeing · 03/09/2023 19:00

It’s weird, I know someone who does this… about themselves! Raves on about their popularity and all the girls after them. Jeez what a bore.

Blackscrackleanddrag · 03/09/2023 19:03

She probably didn’t realise you would be insecure about things that happened 3 decades ago and was just reminiscing.

Lehenaghmore · 03/09/2023 19:06

Time to start graphically reminiscing about all the ripped, witty gazillionaires you rejected for your DH, ending with a nostalgic sigh and ‘Oh, well, I chose him — all irrelevant now, I suppose. Still, I have my memories!’

TheFutureMrsWolowitz · 03/09/2023 19:09

well I think its wierd.

My next door neighbour started a conversation last week over the bins about my DH's ex wife. Going on and on about her. Finally I asked him if he realised that DH had been married to her 28 years ago for 5 months before they separated and i asked why he was mentioning it now?

he said that he thought I ought to be reminded I was wife number 2.

Note- he's been married twice, as has his current wife and I met and married DH more than 20 years ago.

There was an agenda there somewhere. Not sure what. Sounds like the OP's SIL has some sort of agenda as well.

ScribblingPixie · 03/09/2023 19:13

It was a one-off conversation after 26 years of marriage? It sounds like they were just reminiscing and thought you'd be past the point of caring/being insecure about who fancied him before you married? Seems harmless.

Original poster

feelinghappy · 03/09/2023 20:02

Thank you for replies. @Ohthatsabitshit I think that might be the case with us - husband's family are very loud and quite chaotic (upbringing was unsafe at times) and I'm calm and quiet. They love my husband dearly and our children. His sister's just proud of him I suppose?

Yes you are also right about the underlying insecurities - I wish I was an extrovert and was just frustrated that I wasn't confident to say something positive about myself. Or that I let myself dwell on it for the rest of the day.

OP posts:

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