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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Ex won't share Uni expenses ... what will I do ?

13 replies

tanbitkos · 03/09/2023 15:50

More of a what will I do and less of an AIBU but I'm scared of him so please read.
We're in Ireland so fees are e3k , accom is e6 k and he's refusing to contribute. We're only separated.we agreed to share education, medical and dental but he hasn't paid any of these . He contributes the equivalent of e50 per week per child , inconsistently.
He says it's only an arts degree, she probably won't be able for it and it's a waste of money. She had severe school refusal and anxiety since he leftthree years ago, out of the blue.
She got a great leaving cert considering her attendance was 20% for the three years and at one stage we didn't thinks he would sit the exams.
I want to give her every opportunity and have nearly been broken by the last few years myself. What will I do?
Would it be awful to get my solicitor to expediate the divorce . He'll go nuts .

OP posts:
Testina · 03/09/2023 15:54

Why wouldn’t you expedite the divorce anyway? No point being married to him, ugh.
It’s been 3 years! (though am I right in thinking there’s fairly recent legislation in Ireland on this and it was a proper pita before?)

As for your daughter… there are plenty of students who don’t have family money regardless of divorce and waste of space fathers. What are her options?

fluckityfluckfluck · 03/09/2023 15:56

SisterMichaelsHabit · 03/09/2023 15:54

I think you'll have to do what everyone in the UK does and take out a student loan? https://aib.ie/our-products/loans/education-loans

She's in Ireland. Not the UK.

Testina · 03/09/2023 15:58

fluckityfluckfluck · 03/09/2023 15:56

She's in Ireland. Not the UK.

Which is why that poster gave a link to Irish student loans!

ConnieTucker · 03/09/2023 15:59

Loan and divorce the arsehole.

fluckityfluckfluck · 03/09/2023 16:02

Oh gosh so sorry! Missed that. Apologies

Hellocatshome · 03/09/2023 16:07

Lots of students go to Uni entirely on student loans and working part time. Yes it would be nice if her Dad would help her but he is obviously a dickhead so I think you and she will just have to go through live assuming he will contribute nothing.

CallmeIT · 03/09/2023 16:09

If divorce makes things better for your DD then yes!

I think this is real (and punishing) gap in the maintenance system. Im not at all sure why it should be that non-resident parents can stop contributing to their university aged children yet the resident parent cannot. I also have an ex who has refused to contribute past 18 although we’ll have two DC at university at the same time and I’ll struggle to top them up to the equivalent of a full loan. It’s infuriating.

CliffsofMohair · 03/09/2023 16:10

Testina · 03/09/2023 15:58

Which is why that poster gave a link to Irish student loans!

Ewe don’t have an equivalent to the student loans system. The link is for a bank offering loans for students. Not the same. Not taken from tax when finished uni.

OP would she not be eligible for the usual SUSI grants given her parents are separated and it’s a one income household or does it calculate based on both parents making contributions?

Wexone · 03/09/2023 16:30

have you not applied for the grant ?

Neverinamonthofsundays · 03/09/2023 17:02

OP are you entitled to a Susi grant? A legal aid solicitor? I think for now you will have to take out a credit union loan if possible to get her through but go and get legal advice for maintenance and other payments.

tanbitkos · 03/09/2023 17:07

Thanks. I've applied for a SUSI grant and a bursary from credit union. She will work every sat and Sunday and all holidays . That will pay for her clothes/ travel / social life . I'm just a bit worried. On paper my salary seems high but with two other teens and a lengthy and expensive commute, it will be very tight.

OP posts:
Wexone · 03/09/2023 18:08

it is tight unfortunately. that's the joys of college in Ireland. fingers crossed you get the grant and lucky your daughter has a part time job. get legal advice on the other issues

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