Pleasant to NC family

[herbertson]

Short and sweet version - DHs brother and SIL don't like me. Never have. No idea why, have asked them outright and only ever got stupid responses such as 'one day you'll let him be free again'.

As such, DH and I haven't spoken with them voluntarily in over 10 years. However, due to work set up, sometimes DH and SIL end up bumping into eachother, never as professionals though, only in that they work in offices within close proximity so lunch breaks etc.

DH said he bumped into SIL last week and they did the awkward 'oh hello, how are you keeping, good to see you' then swiftly moved away.

Some of the things SIL and BIL have said about me are awful and DH has always said he only talks to her to not be awkward. I am the type of person who would just blank her in this situation.

AIBU to think DH doesn't actually have to talk to her and he should stick to his guns?

It's good to be grown up and civil.

YABU. You are on the verge of being controlling.

Its unfortunate they don’t like you but DH can speak to them if he wants.

From this.." one day he will be free again "
And " He doesn't have to actually talk to her"
They think you are controlling.
From your post.. you are controlling.
Maybe that's why they don't like you?
Food for thought.

It appears that your DH is capable of acting like a civil adult, rather than a petulant teenager.

YABU. You don't get to dictate who he speaks to and when. Your post is very telling in regards to the attitudes your BIL has towards you as PPs have also pointed out.

YABU. your DH is the one managing the situation. If its in a professional setting he should act in a professional manner.

I think it's pretty disloyal of your dh to not pull them up on it

Its what most sensible adults do ,what's the point of ignoring her or starting an argument in the street ?

This is sort of where my head was at, like DH being civil is in some way disloyal to me.

However, I do understand where the majority are coming from.

I would think showing support for his wife trumps bring polite to dick heads

It's not being disloyal. It's just being the bigger person. Being a grown up.

Even if you can't stand someone, it's always better to just smile and say hello, even if you're thinking "tw*t" in your head at the same time.

It was a short, civil conversation. No need to overthink it or make it into a question of loyalty. Agree with pp you sound overly controlling and should reflect on that.

It up to him its his family dont stop him from talking let them get on with it .
But i do understand that feeling of not being liked by a partners family i was hated with my exs family for years i never stopped him from talking as he always took their side mind you i was bullied a lot long story short he left me for a much younger woman and they love her to bits because they liked to control people but im no ones puppet and she was was young i mean 14 year younger and its his dads first cousins daughter .
Im on the outside now and see it .
Thank god i never had kids with him or married he has 3 dc now and poor girl is so controlled .

She done the pick me dance but i didnt fight back infact the only thing i said was good luck coz your gonna need it .
9 years on she is a shell of her self she knows hes cheated 3 times that she nos of but his mum covers up for him and his sisters threaten to have her kids put in care if she leaves their brother. Shes stuck . I know this because im good friends with her cousin shes now the black sheep of the family. No one nos i talk to her cousin been mates for years but NC with the family .

So i do understand the feeling but dont let it get to you and dont get involved
let them be .

Absolutely this.

You say he “bumped into” SIL, not that he sat down and had a long conversation with her. The way you describe it suggests they were in each other’s company for a short period of time, possibly in public, during which he behaved like a grown adult. YABU.

+1