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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think they may need a job closer to home?

7 replies

RunningOnC8H10N4O2 · 02/09/2023 20:51

Ds 18 in a month or so. No drivers license. Goes to a college a commute away through choice. Was struggling getting the right hours at a job close to home so got a job in the college city. Independent and catches train to college and back, travels around quite confidently on days off to other cities etc. Also very academic, works 16 hours a week. On track for A stars so there is not a concern there.
They finish late, say 10pm, and then have the commute home on the train. Our house is a half hour walk from the station so we tend to have to do the drive to the station at 11pm four nights a week. They did manage it themselves when we were away for the holiday but with an early start the next day we dont mind. (On a day with college and work they leave at 7.30am and return at 11.15 door to door)
The issue is train strikes. And there have been many recently! If a bus replacemnt service is available, they would get to the station at 1/2/3am.
Otherwise we have an hour and a half round trip to collect them from work. After working myself 8am to 7.30pm today, (plus a 1/2 hr commute either side of that) I will set off tonight at 9.15 to get them. And return just before 11pm. I also have to work the same again tomorrow!

Aibu to ask them to consider getting a job closer to home?

OP posts:
passthesugar · 02/09/2023 20:57

You're a saint for ferrying him around like that. It would obviously be completely reasonable to say that the driving is becoming too much and discuss alternatives, which could include: him getting a driver's licence and driving himself, finding a local ride share, or indeed finding another job closer to home. You clearly can't carry on as things are.

Totaly · 02/09/2023 21:02

If there’s a train strike how is he getting home from college? Also the strikes won’t be for long.
I never minded collecting the workers what ever time, they all now drive and I miss out chats in the car. I also loved the peace on the road on my own. Can you make it a positive experience instead?

RunningOnC8H10N4O2 · 02/09/2023 21:05

Dh and I share the 11pm pickups so that much isnt an issue. Dh will usually do the train strike drive too, but tonight has asked me to. I am mid 11 day straight run of days rota'd on and feeling like it might be too much to fit in and stay sane this week! Dh has had the kids all day though, ferried them around and took them to the movies so it's my 'turn' but everyone has tomorrow off and i just want to scream! :/ it's usually fine, I am just tired I think. I also need to get petrol!

Ds doent, truly, have time to get a license. 4 long days work and college, another work day (it makes it only half a day off cos of the commute on the weekend) and another 2 college days. Sigh.

OP posts:
RunningOnC8H10N4O2 · 02/09/2023 21:07

Totaly · 02/09/2023 21:02

If there’s a train strike how is he getting home from college? Also the strikes won’t be for long.
I never minded collecting the workers what ever time, they all now drive and I miss out chats in the car. I also loved the peace on the road on my own. Can you make it a positive experience instead?

He doesnt. We collect him. All days so far have coincided with work days. So dh will take them up and then one of us will collect. Its 1.5 hrs round trip each time.

I also find .motorway driving stressful so theres that on top.

OP posts:
Pumpernickles · 02/09/2023 21:09

Who are they?

CantThinkOfANameAtAll · 02/09/2023 21:11

Totaly · 02/09/2023 21:02

If there’s a train strike how is he getting home from college? Also the strikes won’t be for long.
I never minded collecting the workers what ever time, they all now drive and I miss out chats in the car. I also loved the peace on the road on my own. Can you make it a positive experience instead?

After working myself 8am to 7.30pm today, (plus a 1/2 hr commute either side of that) I will set off tonight at 9.15 to get them. And return just before 11pm. I also have to work the same again tomorrow!
When does OP get to have a life? She still needs to cook dinner, eat, shower, sleep, laundry. She might not even be safe to drive due to overtiredness.

OP. Give them a deadline of either they are on their way to passing their test/get car or change jobs or taxis home. I was run ragged with DD for two years and my health suffered. I gave her a 3 month deadline and surprise surprise she passed both her theory and practical first time. Wished I had done it sooner tbh.

RunningOnC8H10N4O2 · 02/09/2023 21:15

Pumpernickles · 02/09/2023 21:09

Who are they?

They = ds.

I am used to using the pronoun they but used ds on this post for MN ease. sometimes I slip back to what I am used to <shrug>

OP posts:
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