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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Split with husband... Universal credit... can i afford to study do i need to work??

37 replies

SmallBlueDinosaur · 02/09/2023 17:18

i am out of work at the minute as been at home with children. i am due to start a college course next week, an access course hopefully leading to uni next sept.

however husband and i have just split up. im trying to work out what to do. i cant really afford to work and study, as the actual course is 3 days a week and then were expeted to do 2 days work at home, which ill need to do when the children arent here

so i know i can get universal credit to help, but if i am studying part time i am assuming they will (rightly) expect me to be looking for work too?

so im thinking my best option would be to work during school hours / whilst theyre at their dads?

it will be better in the short term but would be gutted to put a proper career on hold for longer

any thoughts?

OP posts:
Original poster
SmallBlueDinosaur · 02/09/2023 18:24

TooOldForASugarDaddy · 02/09/2023 18:22

Sorry OP, I am normally a firm believer that where there’s a Will there’s a way but NOT on this.

As a woman who completed a master during maternity leave and who have raised a child mostly on my own I would say do not even think about it this is not something you can do alone unless you have lot of money and childcare support.

Honestly, you are going to go through one of the fastest more dramatic and demanding adaptations in your life as a recently divorced woman with 4 children who will need more su porte due to the recent split, you don’t need to add to it the stress of trying to find the time, energy and money to devote at least 14 hrs a week to study (that’s what it takes to succeed if you take a course part time) you already have too much on your plate if on top of that you need to increase your working hours.

You won’t get much UC if you are studying and you really need as much as you can to support four children if you are not earning a lot.

Thank you so much that's a really helpful (and kind) post, almost like I needed permission or justification to not do the course as I feel like a failure. Finally about to sort my shit out and then I'm having to cancel with days to go

OP posts:
Nameuserchangeagain · 02/09/2023 18:30

If you are keen on studying pick up some OU modules - you can try some for free on their open learn site - and see how you go with it. It's designed to be completed around work and family life so may be a nicer way for you to fulfil this aspect of yourself while negotiating through your divorce and teenagers.

TooOldForASugarDaddy · 02/09/2023 19:17

SmallBlueDinosaur · 02/09/2023 18:24

Thank you so much that's a really helpful (and kind) post, almost like I needed permission or justification to not do the course as I feel like a failure. Finally about to sort my shit out and then I'm having to cancel with days to go

Show quote history

The time will come but this is not the right time. If it helps, I am still to find a single divorced woman who doesn’t think splitting up with children was the making of her.

Raising you children mostly on your own will be a challenge but also the most empowering experience of your life, you may find things a bit difficult at the beginning but eventually you may wake up one day with the realisation that you have never been so happy in your life.

Hang in there, there will be time to retrain, learn new stuff and all that once you are more settled and your children are a bit older. It is not a failure to postpone the course, it is being pragmatic and focusing your attention on who needs it the most right now: you and your kids.

Original poster
SmallBlueDinosaur · 02/09/2023 19:21

Thank you, I really appreciate that

OP posts:
TiredArse · 02/09/2023 20:23

There are lots of free online level 2 courses you could look at for now, that you could do around working? There are some health/social care related ones which could be useful for the future? This sort of thing. https://www.gbmc.ac.uk/free-online-courses-healthcare-social-care-and-mental-health

ScoobySnacks1 · 02/09/2023 20:28

I started working in healthcare when my marriage ended. My ex was difficult regarding childcare so I ended up working on the nursing bank at the hospital and booked shifts for when the children were with him. Is this something you could do for a few years whilst you get sorted regarding the divorce etc?

You could then do your access course and pick up shifts around that, we could pick from long days or nights which were 12.5 hours or earlies/lates which were only 6hr shifts.

I'm still in healthcare and never did end up doing my nursing degree but that was because I would never have had the childcare available to do shifts on a rota. I now work in primary care where the hours are much more family-friendly and haven't completely ruled out studying in the future when my youngest leaves school.

You have a huge period of adjustment to go through, as a PP said, don't try and be super woman right now. Good luck Op Smile

ScoobySnacks1 · 02/09/2023 20:28

To add - I worked as a HCA on the nursing bank. Plenty of shifts available, even at very short notice. And the pay is great on nights and at weekends!

Original poster
SmallBlueDinosaur · 02/09/2023 20:44

ScoobySnacks1 · 02/09/2023 20:28

I started working in healthcare when my marriage ended. My ex was difficult regarding childcare so I ended up working on the nursing bank at the hospital and booked shifts for when the children were with him. Is this something you could do for a few years whilst you get sorted regarding the divorce etc?

You could then do your access course and pick up shifts around that, we could pick from long days or nights which were 12.5 hours or earlies/lates which were only 6hr shifts.

I'm still in healthcare and never did end up doing my nursing degree but that was because I would never have had the childcare available to do shifts on a rota. I now work in primary care where the hours are much more family-friendly and haven't completely ruled out studying in the future when my youngest leaves school.

You have a huge period of adjustment to go through, as a PP said, don't try and be super woman right now. Good luck Op Smile

Thank you so much. I'm clearly a bit emotional at the minute I feel touched that people are just saying nice things 😂

OP posts:
Singleandproud · 02/09/2023 20:55

I think when you split up it's very natural to want to have a complete revamp to your lifestyle but there really isn't any rush. Don't underestimate the toll the split will have upon yourself and your children for years yet (no judgement for splitting it's just hard on everyone even if it's a good thing) , for you it will likely be sentimental and logistical challenges for your DC it'll be feeling pulled between two parents (even if you aren't arguing infront of them) and changing boundaries and routines it takes a while for everything to settle and the first year will be tough on you all. Once you find your new rhythm and routines then start making those other changes like studying. Nothing is ever forever and even if it isn't the right time now 5-10 years down the line it will be or you'll decide to do something else.

Babyroobs · 02/09/2023 20:56

I guess either way whether studying or looking for a significant number of hours of work each week to meet the conditions of UC, it is going to be a lot of change.

confusedagainn · 02/09/2023 21:08

i did my access course online while working 48-60 hours a week as a single mum. Then i started uni doing nursing and i managed fine. Ive recently finished my degree and have a full time nursing job starting in October.

Its hard, but defs doable if you keep the final goal in mind at all times

Original poster
SmallBlueDinosaur · 02/09/2023 21:13

Singleandproud · 02/09/2023 20:55

I think when you split up it's very natural to want to have a complete revamp to your lifestyle but there really isn't any rush. Don't underestimate the toll the split will have upon yourself and your children for years yet (no judgement for splitting it's just hard on everyone even if it's a good thing) , for you it will likely be sentimental and logistical challenges for your DC it'll be feeling pulled between two parents (even if you aren't arguing infront of them) and changing boundaries and routines it takes a while for everything to settle and the first year will be tough on you all. Once you find your new rhythm and routines then start making those other changes like studying. Nothing is ever forever and even if it isn't the right time now 5-10 years down the line it will be or you'll decide to do something else.

Thank you. Wise advice x

OP posts:
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