AIBU? Is anyone else feeling like they’re wasting weekends?

[vixnix]

AIBU or does anyone else feel like life is just passing them by at the weekend? Context - WFH, 2 young kids but at school, pretty skint. Cannot bear to go the local park anymore. DH loves to sit around or get stuck into doing up the house meaning I have to do something with the kids alone. That or more bloody shopping! Which we cant afford to do and kids and I cant stand.

After doing the food shop this morning, I’ve done sweet FA. Life used to be about going out and doing things. Youngest child hates walking for longer than 10 mins. Apparently will run around for hours at a play area though 😅.
DCs do some clubs during the week so they’re taken care of in that department. I like to go out, explore new places, walk in nature, visit friends, but friends are either working or have their own plans.

So, is this just how it is? Or am I being unreasonable and should have a structured plan for each weekend so that on Sunday night I feel like it has been time well spent? Looking for genuine inspiration! TIA

@WWYDIYWMRN if your partner doesn’t work then why on earth are you doing all the parenting and house work??

We agree each weekend to have a going out day and a staying home day. The staying home day is used for DIY, gardening, local shops, relaxing and the other day is for a picnic, walk further away.

Dh needs to stop hiding behind DIY
Organise at least one afternoon out per weekend. At least one day needs to be a rest day if you tired.

Low energy outings to start. Theatre, cinema and picnics are easy and fuss free:

We have had this conversation many times and it has escalated to full blown rows on numerous occasions, I've given up now.

He is looking for a job now. DC is about to start year 1. Up to a year ago we agreed he would be a SAHP but once DC was at school I expected him to get a job. He has tried to do extent to be fair

@WWYDIYWMRN he really ought to do all the house work if you are working. This is unbelievable.

If he doesn’t get a job within a year you should think about your future, as the resentment will destroy your relationship and you’ll end up paying for everything and doing everything at home all your life. You deserve better.

Thank you for everyone’s replies. I guess it’s horses for courses, some love going out and about, others need the weekends to recharge. I’m the type who needs to feel like I’m doing something or suffer a massive case of FOMO. Sadly our nearest NT is well over an hour away so would suit us. Beach is 2+ hours which is a real downer, I LOVE being near the water. Geocaching is a great shout now Autumn is here to get the kids out walking, thank you. We’re quite limited where we live. You need a car for everything and we’ve pretty much exhausted all the most local parks/activities. However, I have a car and am happy to take the kids out with me, with or without DH if f needs be, if its up to an hours drive. So it sounds like we just need a plan and a budget to work out something we can do all together and ach weekend whilst carving time out for us parents too. No real parent friends who would be available for meeting up at the weekends but perhaps that’s something I can work on! Will spend some time researching discounted days out. Perhaps there is a thread for this elsewhere?

Are there any local mums Facebook groups for your area?
There are a couple of pages I follow and get lots of ideas from

It’s funny how many men develop a deep interest in DIY once they have young kids 🙄

Your dh can do his essential DIY when the kids are having screen time after you’ve all done something together out of the house.

I do get though that it’s trickier with less disposable income. Even if entry to something is free there’s still parking, petrol, public transport costs to consider. And yes you can take a cheap picnic from home but the kids still want ice creams etc.

Do get out if you can tho, it can feel like a faff but will be a distraction from feeling low. And as others said, if you can team up for an hour or two with other parents with similar age kids it helps.

Be comforted to know lots of other parents find it boring, tedious and a bit rubbish sometimes too. Social media is a pack of lies, no reflection of real life.

I have a 7 and a 5. We used to do days out all the time. These days I feel that by the time we do homework, tidy the house, do the laundry, dishes, food shop, and fix the bits that are literally falling apart, it’s Sunday night. I’m pissed off about that. I spend my whole weekend chasing up people to put away their laundry, put away their toys, DH to put away his fucking broken office chair that’s been “waiting to be taken to the tip” for the last 6 mo and I’ve been fucking tripping over it, explaining why it’s not ok that I can’t open the back door “because it sticks”, explaining why not every fucking bit of LEGO needs to be out at the same time and all over the downstairs while they’re upstairs making more mess… By the end of it I’m exhausted and angry. On Saturday mornings I make a list as long as my arm of things that need doing and then I just slog through it whole everyone else tries to avoid me.

What I’m saying is, can I borrow your DIY husband for a weekend?

Get the food shop delivered and get your dh involved, the kids are both your responsibility

Sounds more like a lonely weekend with DH leaving you too it.

I have a DIY house renovation, gardening, pottering, do up cars husband variety.

He's never done any of these things to actively avoid spending time with the kids, he just drifted into his weekends being planned around his things and list in his head, leaving me to arrange kids stuff and I was bottom of the pile.

The feeling you have is a wasted weekend but also being lonely and left to sort, food shop, washing, kids, cleaning, tidying.. which leaves no time for you.

I changed this and made it work - we then spent Friday evenings cleaning the house together set a timer 1.5 hours big scrub, change bedding etc.

On Friday we'd do an online shopping and basically I made DH understand how much of my weekends were getting taken by admin.

Then Saturdays were take turns with kids and cooking etc, so if I want to head to the shops alone, walk the dogs alone I just do, and he gets to do DIY etc we just take turns.

Sundays we meet friends as a family, pub garden, walks, meals out, visit family.. and we would just plan one evening meal on the Sunday so a BBQ or roast dinner etc and take turns to do this, then Sunday evening we'd both relax and spend time together watching TV, doing some exercise etc.

We still have the same pattern now and have older teens, there is a 100% respect for the mowing not come before the family.

Get angry and load the chair into your car and take it to the skip. Or get it collected in free cycle.. just remove it.. I feel your pain.

We do a mix of park, local cafe with play area, visiting cousins or friends for the kids to play, jobs at home, local errands, inflatable park, swimming, softplay, farm, beach or zoo.

Big days out we do now and again but budget for these. Other local trips out cost max of £15 but normally more often £10

This would really frsutrate me too OP. I wish I was the sort of person that didn't care if their weekend was a bit pants and they'd just had a lazy one, or ten in a row.

But we have a family hobby (showing dogs) and it involves parents and kids (from as soon as they could walk). Sometimes it's meant getting up at 4am to drive 3.5 hours and not getting home until 9pm. We're all shattered the next day so lounging around, eating and a walk with the dogs (usually just me) is welcome.

I'd leave your DH and kids to it and get yourself a hobby that takes up a day of your weekend if your DH is happy to have the kids for a day. Or one that involves the kids too.

The idea of stuff like National Trust being 'what I did for fun at the weekend' bores the shit of me just thinking about it.

Agree that NT properties are so boring.

Hmm I know the feeling OP but we’ve really intentionally pared back the weekends lately rather than filling them up. Key is that it’s so we can have more family time and me and DH both are free. I get the jobs around the house, groceries etc need doing but can you say for example, every Sunday afternoon we will all do something together. I know your kids don’t like walking for more than 10
mins but I find if we persevere past that time and there are trees to climb or something rather than just walking (nature reserve near us where you can spot lizards etc), then nature really resets the kids brain and does something really nourishing to them 😄

I just don’t feel this. We have plenty of weekends which are bigger, trips away, travelling, expensive days out but equally we have a lot of homey weekends and we all love that. We wake up, got for a walk to a coffee shop and bakery then maybe go for a walk in a local park with friends. Usually back home for nap time and either spend the afternoon at home or going to the shop, probably via a play park and stop off to have a wine outside on the way home. I don’t see it as a waste at all.

@dameofdilemma Absolutely re social media and I did sit down with DH last night and we made an effort to visit a large country park today that we hadnt been to in a long while. Youngest threw a hissy fit at first over not wanting to ride their bike, but we persevered and they were soon loving it, discovering bird hides, water splashing etc. Ended up being a great morning, with hot sausage cobs made at home. It can be done!

@EatYourVegetables I appreciate I an VERY lucky. DH is a bit OCD when it comes to diy. If he see’s something needs doing, its done by the following day 😅. It does have its downsides tho…

Thanks again for everyone’s replies. I think as the weather is nice I just get really itchy feet to get out and about. Once the weather gets cold and wet, that will soon pass! I used to have a job and hobby that required going out in all weathers, not anymore thank you 😂

I’m also fortune that I can do housework/life admin during the week and really feel for people and single parents having to cram it all in at the weekend.

Someone posted about getting dates in the calendar with friends, esp those with kids. I’m so guilty of saying to people “We’ll have to catch up soon” and it never happens. I’m getting straight onto resolving that! #noexcuses

I feel the same. 2 days off and half a day is spent doing housework and we’re often too tired from the week to do much else.

@Ilinaya

I will say though that it's a blessing and a curse, I think it's almost a problem that makes me this way, the thought of a day at home makes me really anxious, so it doesn't necessarily come from a 'fun loving' place but a place of agitation. I also need to socialise or I get depressed.

I could have written this. I hate being stuck at home with a passion and hate being idle. I can't ever relax, I have to be doing something. The idea of spending a whole day in front of the TV or watching YouTube for example makes me feel nauseous with anxiety. Even reading a book makes me feel guilty. I don't necessarily have to socialise: I'm quite self-sufficient but I loathe doing nothing. I think it's my upbringing: my parents used to hate me watching TV and would turn it off the whole time.

I know what you mean about it being a blessing and a curse. It's a blessing in the sense that I get things done and I rarely look back and feel like I've wasted a day. It's a curse in the sense that I never properly chill out and quieten my mind and I wind up my family sometimes with the constant need to be doing things.

On balance I'd rather be a doer than a vegger though. I can't abide idleness and tbh I judge it in other people.

I think PPs are right though that you need to be a bit creative about it. If you're in a city there is always lots of free or cheap stuff to do. If you're near the sea you can always entertain yourself. If you're somewhere rural I sympathise. That's really tough if you have this sort of personality.

I know what you mean. I was feeling like that about weekends because the kids have their clubs and things they want to do locally every weekend (they are 9 and 14) and I felt like I was just dragging around after them. They had a long period of time not going to their Dad’s and it was just “same old” every week.

Money is a factor too but plenty of the things I’d want to do are free.

My only way around it seems to be to do things when they’re not with me. So can you take it in turns with your DH to have a chance to do something else? Something like a walk if they don’t like walks.

Or have a day for family days out and a day for relaxing at home/ each getting to do something alone?

Saturday we tend to do clubs in the morning, gymnastics and football, then visit grandma. Sunday we do an activity, it was Ninja Warrior this morning but might be park, cinema, zoo, museum. Today we got the paddling pool out in the afternoon. Sometimes we have a BBQ.
School is nearly back = birthday parties. We have 3 next weekend, youngest has 2 on Saturday.
What's non-negotiable is that DH takes part too. Like fuck am I doing all this stuff alone.

For me it is definitely a genetic family trait. My dad is the same, and now in retirement he is a tormented soul desperate for something to occupy him, and driving us all mad.
I probably fall on the ADHD spectrum, I don't believe I need a diagnosis but if I take random online tests i fit the bill.
I find I fantasise about a simple life, follow lots of simple life Instagram accounts, loved the minimalists programme, love anything about decluttering your house and life etc, but my life is the opposite as there is an inner need to be busy. Im not organised busy though, I'm chaotic busy, so my life is a disorganised mess. I admire people who manage to be really busy but also have some kind of order. It takes self discipline though which I completely lack.

Make one of the days a family day - so all of you, including DH, do something together. An actual day out with a picnic maybe. Then the other day is for chilling.

There's lots of free or cheap things you can do to get out and about as a family.

Take a picnic to the park.
Buy a frisbee/cricket set/swingball/kite/bottle rocket/toy golf clubs/wooden swords/rounders set/old fashioned fun group toy and all join in and have a blast
Climb trees
Have a nature or treasure hunt.
Do the 'how many things can you find to fit in a matchbox' game