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Original poster

Not sure whether to be angry or upset

26 replies

Justrolledmyeyesoutloud · 02/09/2023 15:37

DH talks about his job a lot. I know the ins and outs of every single minute of his day - mostly quite dull but like a good little wifey l listen and pretend to care.

Found out at work yesterday that due to my hard work, we have won a contract so l am feeling pretty bloody pleased with myself. My line manager and senior management are all chuffed to bits with me and it will definitely earn me some kudos with my colleagues.

Mentioned it to dh last night briefly and today l said l am still buzzing and he shut me right down and said oh stop going on about it. WTF? Have mentioned it twice

My job isn't important at all is it??
His is.
That's what he believes isn't it?

OP posts:
Sapphire387 · 02/09/2023 15:39

Just pay him back in kind. Tell him to stop going on about it when he talks about work.

Could he be a bit jealous of your success?

jallopeno · 02/09/2023 15:40

Tell him to shut the F up next time he goes on about his work

Createausername1970 · 02/09/2023 15:45

Yes. It is.

So you probably should be having a conversation with him today along the lines that if he doesn't want to congratulate you on your successes at work, that's fine but very disappointing and hurtful, but it is what it is, so do not expect you to be showing interest in his work in future.

I would probably take myself off, either into the bedroom to have a long bath and then watch some telly in bed, or off out with colleagues if you can, who are interested in what you do

Original poster
Justrolledmyeyesoutloud · 02/09/2023 15:48

Createausername1970 · 02/09/2023 15:45

Yes. It is.

So you probably should be having a conversation with him today along the lines that if he doesn't want to congratulate you on your successes at work, that's fine but very disappointing and hurtful, but it is what it is, so do not expect you to be showing interest in his work in future.

I would probably take myself off, either into the bedroom to have a long bath and then watch some telly in bed, or off out with colleagues if you can, who are interested in what you do

Ah well funny you say that as l am out with my best friend tonight and l already know she will be thrilled to bits for me as was my mum when l called her earlier (DH wasn't in when l spoke to mum so not like he had to hear it multiple times).

OP posts:
Witchbitch20 · 02/09/2023 15:49

Yep.

thecatinthetwat · 02/09/2023 15:54

Amazing op, well done!

Your DH isn’t pleased for you and it does sound like an ego thing. That is very disappointing. I wonder if he failed to encourage you or celebrate your wins in other ways too.

Skybluecoat · 02/09/2023 15:55

He sounds horrid

Cowlover89 · 02/09/2023 15:59

He's a dick

Poivresel · 02/09/2023 16:04

I'd deliberately mention it 3 x a day for a week.
Well done OP.

MichaelAndersen · 02/09/2023 16:06

Your husband is showing contempt for you. Displays of contempt are the number one indicator that a marriage will not last. Please look up studies on contempt within marriage and read about this for yourself. I’m sorry you married an assh**le. And congratulations on your work success!

AtrociousCircumstance · 02/09/2023 16:09

He’s a selfish self-important little manchild. I think you need to be clear, as a PP says - fine, you don’t want to hear about my work life, but now you’ve made that clear you can be sure that all the hours I have put in listening to you and supporting you in yours will now stop.

Congrats on your work success OP.

LaBellina · 02/09/2023 16:11

Is this normal behavior for him? Because it sounds immensely sad to have a partner who can’t be happy for your wins and successes in life and doesn’t want to hear about them. Immensely sad and very lonely.

arethereanyleftatall · 02/09/2023 16:11

MichaelAndersen · 02/09/2023 16:06

Your husband is showing contempt for you. Displays of contempt are the number one indicator that a marriage will not last. Please look up studies on contempt within marriage and read about this for yourself. I’m sorry you married an assh**le. And congratulations on your work success!

I agree with this. I'm sorry op but this is bigger than you might want to think about. If someone likes you, they're happy for you when you're happy.

WallaceinAnderland · 02/09/2023 16:12

Why would you even want to be a 'good little wifey'. Sounds a bit submissive so that's probably what he expects from you. How long have you been together and have you always had this dynamic in your relationship? If so, it might be too entrenched to change.

FrontEnd · 02/09/2023 16:14

I am really pleased for your success, OP. And sad your DH has taken the shine off for you. No he doesn't value your career and at least he's gifted you this insight so you don't waste more time pandering to his incessant egotistical witterings. Seriously well done to you.

CassiniG · 02/09/2023 16:14

Neither of you appear to like each other.

You listen and offer support but you don't actually care and your feelings are faked.

He isn't remotely interest or supportive.

Why are you still together?

Original poster
Justrolledmyeyesoutloud · 02/09/2023 16:20

WallaceinAnderland · 02/09/2023 16:12

Why would you even want to be a 'good little wifey'. Sounds a bit submissive so that's probably what he expects from you. How long have you been together and have you always had this dynamic in your relationship? If so, it might be too entrenched to change.

Sorry that was me being a bit sarky - l am far from submissive, believe me. But l do always listen when he talks about stuff that is important to him because l thought that's what you do and that is works both ways!
Together 15 years, mostly equal although as l work part time, l do the lion's share of the life admin etc. He pulls his weight at home so not complaining there.

OP posts:
Original poster
Justrolledmyeyesoutloud · 02/09/2023 16:22

CassiniG · 02/09/2023 16:14

Neither of you appear to like each other.

You listen and offer support but you don't actually care and your feelings are faked.

He isn't remotely interest or supportive.

Why are you still together?

Of course l like him but he has massively pissed me off today and hearing about his work gets quite tedious. Plenty of things that a great about him which is why l am with him!

OP posts:
Original poster
Justrolledmyeyesoutloud · 02/09/2023 16:22

FrontEnd · 02/09/2023 16:14

I am really pleased for your success, OP. And sad your DH has taken the shine off for you. No he doesn't value your career and at least he's gifted you this insight so you don't waste more time pandering to his incessant egotistical witterings. Seriously well done to you.

Thank you so much xxx

OP posts:
Purditnin · 02/09/2023 16:23

Createausername1970 · 02/09/2023 15:45

Yes. It is.

So you probably should be having a conversation with him today along the lines that if he doesn't want to congratulate you on your successes at work, that's fine but very disappointing and hurtful, but it is what it is, so do not expect you to be showing interest in his work in future.

I would probably take myself off, either into the bedroom to have a long bath and then watch some telly in bed, or off out with colleagues if you can, who are interested in what you do

This. So much advice on here is to seethe and be passive aggressive. Don’t do that. Articulate your discontent.

Aquamarine1029 · 02/09/2023 16:27

My job isn't important at all is it??

Nope.

That's what he believes isn't it?

Yup. And I believe it's worse. I think he's jealous and resentful that you've been successful. I bet he's not a great as you say he is. He's "great" when things go his way and his ego isn't threatened. How can he be so wonderful when the first chance he gets he makes you feel like shit?

Stop listening to his blathering.

ScribblingPixie · 02/09/2023 16:33

I would definitely see this as a green light to stop listening to him chuntering on about work, and I would use his words back to him every single time. Every single time.

FortofPud · 02/09/2023 16:39

I think that you need to tell him how bloody hurt you are; that you listen to his work stuff because as his partner you're interested in it, and now he's pissed all over a rare work-related thing that you have to share. Tell him how upset and angry you are and see what he does next. Don't get sucked into a cold war of not listening to him in revenge without actually discussing what happened with him first!

DonnaBanana · 02/09/2023 16:42

I vote for “angry”

BanditsOnTheHorizon · 02/09/2023 17:03

I think next time he mentions his job I'd bring this up again, ask him how he'd feel at this exact moment if you told him to 'stop going on about work' and how it took the shine off your news and made you feel like he didn't care about you