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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not want to go to see MIL on mothers day

17 replies

bigbumhole · 02/03/2008 13:42

So far im having a really shit day. DF "didnt get round to getting me a card off the kids" (newborn and 2yrs old), so i had to send him down the shop this morning to buy me one.

Now he wants to go see his mother this afternoon so he can give her his card and chocolates that he bought her yesterday afternoon (WTF?!)

Anyway, i don't want to go, but i have to because DC newborn is breastfed and wont take a bottle (at all) so i have to go to only so DC can be fed. DF really wants the kids to go so his mother can see them seeing as its mothers day and all and MIL deserves to be spoilt (his words)

I really don't want to go, mainly because i feel so pissed off with DF. Yes i'm being childish and immature but so fucking what. I'd much rather stay here and pamper myself instead.

OP posts:

posieflump · 02/03/2008 13:44

can't believe you sent him down the shops to buy you a card!! Did you tell him what to write in it as well!!

Anyway sod going to his mum's. Let him take the 2 year old, say you are ill, and retire to the sofa with your little one

1066andallthat · 02/03/2008 13:50

NO - go with grace and get the upper hand! Be all enthusiastic and make sure he orders your favourite takeaway as part of the package ..... My Nan always said there's more than one way to skin a rabbit .

mumbear · 02/03/2008 15:03

Too right you dont have to go!! Its his mother. DP said this morning 'ive gotta go take the card to my mothers we will take DD as its mothers day and she will want to see her' I just replied its my FG FIRST mothers day i want to spend the day with my daughter. Its not grans day. V. V. childish but i really dont care. Stand your ground

octavia · 02/03/2008 16:11

absolutely stand your ground.It took me 7 years to stand up to my dh on various issues regarding his mother and boy did I let rip when I finally did.Things are very different now

angelbee · 02/03/2008 16:21

Bloody hell if he was my DH he'd be 6 feet under now!! YANBU Tell him he can go to MIL with your 2 year old while you and your newbie go to bed, and then he can come home and make you a nice tea. Me thinks he needs to cut the apron strings NOW!!

Original poster

bigbumhole · 02/03/2008 16:22

Thanks for the moral support. In the end i didnt go, DF sort of made it up and said "sorry you've had such a shitty mothers day but remember we all love you very much" which made me feel better.

I told him his total lack of effort cut me deep and called him a lazy twat, he got the message and said he was very sorry for making me feel that way and he would make more of an effort next time.

All a happy ending i guess and im here enjoying a moments peace, which is a first in a very long time!

OP posts:

viggoswife · 02/03/2008 16:26

I am feeling your pain OP. Have started a thread on something similar here in AIBU?

Wouldnt go in a million years. I think nothing of cancelling visits by or too In laws if DH has been a dick. Cant bear to see his smarmy face when he is with his Mum and Dad and the centre of attention after he has been behaving like a doughnut at home. Obviously his Mum thinks he can do no wrong. Stay at home with your baby.

FourPlusOne · 02/03/2008 16:26

I didn't go see my MIL. DH went with DS. DD had a nap at home (if he'd taken her she'd not have slept and made the rest of my day difficult), and I stayed at home and relaxed cleaned the house! I'm sure my MIL didn't mind. She was probably glad to see my DH without me there too!

DH did get me something from the children though - if he hadn't and had taken something to his mum then I would be really pissed off too.

clumsymum · 02/03/2008 16:27

I'd want to know how come he bought his mother a card but 'overlooked' getting one for you. Pillock, isn't he?

Do remember to forget his card on Father's day, won't you?

Nessamommy · 02/03/2008 16:37

I would be mad too! What is it with these "men" and their "mommies"? I have MIL issues too! I think your husband needs to see you more as the primary "mother" figure to YOUR chilren as opposed to looking to his own mother for that...but that's my opinion.

Flibbertyjibbet · 02/03/2008 16:55

DP did his usual lack of mothers day and I reminded him to ring his mother. So at least she doesn't get priority on mothers day, if she did I would be MAAAAAAD.
My first mothers day, dp forgot, I was in tears, he took ds to park so I could chill out as I was still on night feed duty bf. While he was out FIL rang to say that MIL was very upset that DP had not sent her any flowers.... I bit his head off replying that DP can't even remember there is a mother in his own house now, so anyone else will just have to get in the queue. Did FIL say 'oh I'll have a word with him' NO! He carried on moaning that MIL was in tears 'watching all the interflora vans keep going past and nothing coming to their house'. So in FILs eyes me being a mother was not important, DP forgetting MIL was the BIG ISSUE.

I don't mind dp forgetting mothers day actually cos he is fab all year round.

onepieceoflollipop · 02/03/2008 17:05

My mil is in a Very Big Sulk (which isn't unusual)

Dh took me and the dds out to lunch(cheapish local pub) which the ils wouldn't have enjoyed. As a compromise he asked his parents would they like to come to the Mothering Sunday Service at our local church with us (they are regular churchgoers so not a controversial suggestion). We could then have all had coffee together afterwards.

Mil was "holding out" I think she thought if she sulked enough we would cancel our plans and do the dutiful thing she wanted. i.e. an afternoon of tea and cakes in her pristine house, listening to her whining about various things. During this I would have had to keep the dds under control.

Fil rang dh and spoke to him as if he was a teenaged boy "It's not good enought - dh said "unlucky!"

Ils were very badly behaved at Christmas - often mil is awkward on special occasions especially if we don't guess what it is she wants...the sad thing is if she hadn't opted to take offence, I would probably have said to the dcs that we could pop round for half an hour.

dh took her a plant and 2 cards - she didn't say thankyou and wouldn't make eye contact!

VictorianSqualor · 02/03/2008 17:11

I'd be annoyed if DP forgot me and remembered his mother but I wouldn't not go see her.
We went to see her today and then went to the hospital to see his Nan as well.
It's not her fault he was a muppet.

pointydog · 02/03/2008 17:15

bumhole, poor you. I would have suggested he take the children (or at least the non-breastfed one) and gave you some peace while he went to see his mother.

I would be fuming at his actions and suggestions frankly

WallOfSilence · 02/03/2008 17:17

My MIL is on holidays at the minute.

I told dh to text her but he didn't.

I did.

She replied saying she was delighted with the text & that she adores the kids & she hasn't done too bad with me for a daughter in law

ROFL... I guess she was in Kitty O' Sheas or somewhere!

Original poster

bigbumhole · 02/03/2008 17:52

CLumsymum, i think DF forgets that i, am in fact, a mother AS WELL!

In his man-brain, his mother is his mother and i am his missus, so thats the reason why i think.

Men are weird.

OP posts:

pralinegirl · 02/03/2008 21:17

Yes we had this one too today. I wanted to take DS for a walk to the lake, theres a barn he likes with a cafe, lots of dogs and birds. Just wanted to spend time togtether. DH has promised to visit MIL this morning taking DS with him. So I went running. Plus is it unreasonable to think mother's day cards for grandparents are just stupid and a rip-off? Plus DH bought an orchid for DS to give me and was then offended when I didn't like it - I don't like them, but didn't let DS see. I'm a gardener, he should really know what flowers I like by now! It was a horrible day, with me upset and him just freeezing me out. Also p--d off because sunday trips to MIL always means DS gets no exercise or fresh air that day, DH keeps him out the best part of his day and then hes too tired (both of them) to do anything else.

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