Would this concern you? (Child abuse)

[123whatever]

Hi! I’m really unsure about what to think. Also, we are not UK based so some things might be different, I’ll try my best to explain the situation.

My DD is 3, goes to nursery and made a “best friend” there, another 3 yo boy. He is a sweet boy, but in the last few months has been showing really problematic behavior, which was also noticed and commented by the nursery staff and other parents. I know this because her teacher told me she was going to put them in separate groups next year, as she thought the situation between them was not good for DD. After a few months of becoming friends my DD suddenly changed her behavior too, extreme tantrums, crying, hitting herself, saying she’s dumb and ugly (and that he’d told her that)…we were really concerned, but during the holidays she slowly went to back to her usual self.
A few days ago she, out of the blue, put her hand inside her pants and said something like “this is where we keep our secrets”. That really scared me, I didn’t think this was usual language for a 3yo, had no idea where she could have heard that and asked her who told her that. She didn’t want to tell me, but finally she said that she didn’t want to tell because she was afraid she wouldn’t be allowed to play anymore with that person. I assured her nothing would happen and then she said it had been this little boy, so it had to happen at last 6 weeks ago (and she didn’t mention it in all this time).

They were potty trained this year, so several kids usually go to the loo (with the teacher)and she had mentioned once that he had touched her and she didn’t like it, we asked what ’d happened and, apparently, the teacher told him off. But now I’m thinking this might have happened more than once. Now, I don’t think there’s any malice from him, he’s just 3, but I still don’t think it’s a sentence that a 3 yo would come up with, so now I’m worried that little boy is being abused and repeating what the abuser tells him.

Do you think this could be the case and I should report or at least communicate my concerns? Or am I totally exaggerating the situation?

I absolutely 100% think you should report this op. A 3 year old child would not be using this language or acting like this.
Please report to whatever safeguarding authority you have in the country you are in. I hope your daughter and yourself are OK but please speak up for that little boy.

Yes absolutely report it.

Given the nursery have already shared concerns, could you report to their safeguarding lead?

This definitely needs to be reported!
I would think the same as you, a 3 year old would not come up with this on their own. He must be repeating behaviours.

Thank you so much for your replies and reassurance. My idea was to report it to the nursery, yes, so they can go on from there. I will talk to her former teacher, who knows him well, so she can raise the safeguarding protocol or at least tell me how I should proceed.

I am really concerned about that little boy, and I don’t know, I just have the gut feeling something’s not quite right. I’m also worried about making a fuss about this, putting the family through investigation or something (not sure how that works) and have someone being accused when they’re innocent, but the alternative is way worse, so I’ll just report and hope for the best possible outcome

as I said, thanks a lot, you’ve made me feel less paranoid

@123whatever
Always trust your gut with safeguarding issues.

Definitely report it.

Absolutely report it, I'd be very worried about this boy

I'd absolutely report that's all signs of SA and that little boy may be play-processing what he's experiencing elsewhere. I'd report to the school but I'd report to your local social services as well just to cover your bases and tell them that you've passed it on to the school. That's definitely not something to sit on.

Oh wow, that's worrying. Trust your instincts. And I agree, a 3yo would not have come up with this unless he sadly heard this from an adult. So many red flags, poor child.