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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why does my DM want to do this in her will

25 replies

WhyOhWhyOhW · 01/09/2023 22:38

My 'd'm wants to put her dilapidated neglected hoard filled house in trust for me and my siblings , use the cash she has in the bank to empty and do it up and for us to live off the rental income.

The money she has may cover what it needs, but trust me I doubt it. There has been no maintenance in years, it has flooded repeatedly there is no hot water or heating. Partial double glazing possibly, it's hard to tell as you cannot get to the windows. Outside has multiple vehicles which are rotted through. There's damp, and mould and clearance would be 30 skips? Maybe (large house, 5 be, large DBL garage, lots of land)

Add to this, some siblings are NC - and would do anything to make a cheeky buck. With mad crazy schemes and would want to go off and do things like install half baked DIY shit crap jobs, like let's put straw on the floors as it's cheaper than carpet, that kind of rubbish. That and they are a complete Andrew Tate twatty follower and we want nothing to do with them.

So why on earth would she think this is a good idea?

She hasn't considered iHT, or the loss of First time buyers stamp duty discount, and thinks that £200? a month income will make us happy? 1 sibling has no savings and if the property was sold would have enough to buy a property outright. None of us want to be landlords.

OP posts:
GuinnessBird · 01/09/2023 22:40

Have you asked her why?

TeaKitten · 01/09/2023 22:41

What does she say when you explain this to her?

sheworemellowyellow · 01/09/2023 22:44

Because she loves her children, wants to do what she can for them, and can’t see / won’t accept the problems you’ve described.

CuteCillian · 01/09/2023 22:48

*Because she loves her children, wants to do what she can for them, and can’t see / won’t accept the problems you’ve described.
And, as a hoarder, is likely to find the concept of letting go of her home quite challenging.

Original poster
WhyOhWhyOhW · 01/09/2023 22:55

CuteCillian · 01/09/2023 22:48

*Because she loves her children, wants to do what she can for them, and can’t see / won’t accept the problems you’ve described.
And, as a hoarder, is likely to find the concept of letting go of her home quite challenging.

Actually, thats I had missed, she's hoarding after death.

Christ she wont even let go when she's dead

OP posts:
flirtygirl · 01/09/2023 23:02

It's good that she has given you notice so that you can tell her straight. Point out all the problems you mentioned.

(I would tell her honestly that if she goes ahead that's whilst I would miss her, I would also never forgive her, but that's just me.)

Annyway, tell her that this idea has only negatives and no positives and let her think about it.

Walesagogo · 01/09/2023 23:05

why can't the money be used to sort the house now so that she can live her remaining years in better surroundings?

BaronessEllarawrosaurus · 01/09/2023 23:11

If it's being left in a trust then the trustees are responsible for it. None of you would lose your first time buyers discount for stamp duty. The money it makes in rent would probably only cover the cost of running the trust and any upkeep on the property. I'm not positive but I believe the trustees could probably agree to selling the property and splitting the proceeds to the beneficiaries, it's definitely worth checking that out and if that is the case just make your own plans while nodding along to your mother.

SofiaAmes · 01/09/2023 23:19

You might want to check that some third party (builder, bank, etc.) has not sold her some scheme to do this, where they "take care of everything" and pay themselves a pretty penny to "manage" the project.

I also agree with CuteCillian that this is likely an extension of the hoarding.

MiniCooperLover · 01/09/2023 23:19

Unfortunately she can't let go of any of her rubbish and she doesn't want you to be able to either

Aquamarine1029 · 01/09/2023 23:23

Walesagogo · 01/09/2023 23:05

why can't the money be used to sort the house now so that she can live her remaining years in better surroundings?

That's not how hoarders operate.

Unless your mother has very significant financial resources, and even if she did, I highly doubt her house is worth saving. From what you've described, it should be torn down because it's a loss. You'd be better off tearing it down and starting over.

Onlinetherapist · 01/09/2023 23:30

Your mother sounds very, very unwell. It makes sense (kind of) that the mind that created the chaos and hoards can also come up with a plan that equally makes no sense at all. Hoarders place a lot of value on useless items, sounds like another attempt at that.

caringcarer · 01/09/2023 23:42

It sounds like she wants to pass the hoarding on to her DC. By putting the property in trust makes it so much harder to sell it.

Canisaysomething · 01/09/2023 23:42

Just tell her you don't want any part in it and to not include you in the will. I'd rather inherit nothing than what you've described.

Original poster
WhyOhWhyOhW · 01/09/2023 23:57

I have upset her, as I don't want any of it, and I have told her.

My feelings are visceral in how much I don't want it, it's hard to explain.

I'm on my knees trying to explain to her what a terrible idea it is, I mean what about IHT?? where will that come from?? And she wants to pass it down to her gc. They don't know each other, and it would dilute it further

I told her to leave it to the cats homes.

OP posts:
unsync · 02/09/2023 00:21

You can vary a will as long as you do it within two years of death and any beneficiary who is disadvantaged agrees. So if you all want to liquidate, you can take that route.

Silentmama2 · 02/09/2023 00:34

I wonder if she has heard that if you leave a property in trust it can't be used to pay for your care? Is it her plan that she puts it in trust and lives in - and then you get it when she goes to care?

ChateauMargaux · 02/09/2023 00:56

I don't know... but my parent is doing their dammedest to put all of their assets beyond use.. while leaving them...

Who knows... but I think somewhere there is a feeling of 'well.. I got nothing... so why should I leave anything' ... we also have the element of leaving a legacy ego perspective ... but not a legacy that can be freely used... one that comes with obligation..

Fuck it.... if that is how they show their love... they can have it reflected back to them!

Georgie743 · 02/09/2023 01:23

Could you sell it as is for a 'knock down rebuild' job - just sell it for land value, and split the cost?

Original poster
WhyOhWhyOhW · 02/09/2023 08:54

Georgie743 · 02/09/2023 01:23

Could you sell it as is for a 'knock down rebuild' job - just sell it for land value, and split the cost?

That is what she is trying to stop. She's trying to control beyond the grave

OP posts:
Original poster
WhyOhWhyOhW · 02/09/2023 08:56

Silentmama2 · 02/09/2023 00:34

I wonder if she has heard that if you leave a property in trust it can't be used to pay for your care? Is it her plan that she puts it in trust and lives in - and then you get it when she goes to care?

She has always refused to consider care home, and said she will die rather than go in one.

OP posts:
savoycabbage · 02/09/2023 09:32

My best friend is a hoarder. She thought her house was worth money, same as she thought about the stuff she hoards!

Fifteen years ago her dh divorced her, because of the hoard. There was a forced sale of the house. All of her hoard ended up going in storage. The ten years out of date tins if sweetcorn included.

The house was a wreck and worth half what she thought it was as it hadn't been maintained for twenty years. It was sold at auction.

I agree with the others, your mum is trying to keep a hold of her house and all of her stuff. And you've upset her by nit falling in to line with her plan.

Original poster
WhyOhWhyOhW · 02/09/2023 09:42

The value of is 100% in the land, its in a prime position, (south east) and it should be torn down and then you could put 6? Houses on it

OP posts:
PinkCherryBlossoms · 02/09/2023 09:54

WhyOhWhyOhW · 01/09/2023 23:57

I have upset her, as I don't want any of it, and I have told her.

My feelings are visceral in how much I don't want it, it's hard to explain.

I'm on my knees trying to explain to her what a terrible idea it is, I mean what about IHT?? where will that come from?? And she wants to pass it down to her gc. They don't know each other, and it would dilute it further

I told her to leave it to the cats homes.

Would you consider disclaiming the inheritance? That's always an option, and then at least it isn't your problem.

OdeToBarney · 02/09/2023 10:03

unsync · 02/09/2023 00:21

You can vary a will as long as you do it within two years of death and any beneficiary who is disadvantaged agrees. So if you all want to liquidate, you can take that route.

This. Take advice but it may be possible to nod along and vary the will after she dies. I only learnt about this recently in the course of re doing my will. Anything that is left to me by my own parents can be written back and then gifted to my DD to lower IHT liabilities.

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