For having enough of DH work issues

[Iaminspectorrebus]

From the time I met DH 25 years ago he has had issues in his work and although he has a decent career, it hasn’t progressed as it probably should have. A lot has been down to bad luck, and he did reach a reasonably senior level.

He’s had 5 years in one company (passed over for promotion) 9 in another (fairly senior but redundancy) out of work for 18 months and then a year contract and 3 years in the most recent job where there is another issue.

He works very hard but there has been an issue with someone/something in his last few jobs and he has consistently been unhappy & aggrieved. He always feels that he should be better regarded and progressing and likes to talk this through and to be honest after all this time I’m just exhausted dealing with it.

My approach is pretty pragmatic, I’m not sensitive, I don’t expect work to ‘nurture’ me and I’m pretty senior.

I know I’m meant to have an endless well of patience but with 3 kids, work, ageing parents etc I just want DH to be ok in a job and not need constant bolstering.

So do I need to just suck it up and support for the next 10 years? I feel awful even typing that!

YANBU you only have so much patience to hear the same old shit again and again.
What exactly does he want you to do about it, seems like he has a better impression of himself than his employers do, not sure how you say that delicately tbh.

While most people probably have a whinge about their job from time to time, if it's constant, I can see why it would be draining.

I managed someone in my last job who constantly moaned. Never had a possible solution or suggestions, just moaned. It was bloody draining!

I would probably start asking him what he thinks the solution might be - might make him reconsider his moans?

Alternatively, maybe suggest that perhaps the issue is him, rather than everyone/everything else!

@TomatoSandwiches Thats the issue I think. He just doesn’t seem to do as well as he feels he should and it doesn’t seem to matter how many times he’s been knocked back. I feel sorry for him but that at the same time think - just settle into the job you have and stop moaning

Working hard is not always enough to progress. It requires working on the right projects, networking and knowing the right people to pull you through. He needs to rethink his strategy if he wants to progress.

And YANBU to getting tired of listening to his work issues.

@PumpkinPie2016 I don’t get the impression he’s moaning, just that he is constantly making people aware he thinks he should be progressing

@booksandbeans This is exactly where I think he falls down, he feels the work should speak for itself - in an ideal world yes but in reality…..

YANBU OP.
Organisations are a pyramid hierarchy and the majority of people never even reach 'senior management' level. The leap from middle to senior is quite big, and once you become senior , to move upward to even 'more senior' (say, from managing a division to country to region, then global CEO) gets progressively harder.

Obviously my examples are a bit of an exaggeration but if that's what he wants, that's what he should focus on with as PP said networking etc. It won't automatically happen by 'working hard'.

Many people, myself included don't feel it worth the effort though. Is it what he REALLY wants, or is he just bigging himself up?

i have someone like that and its so so draining. I came in early and she was already there and started moaning before i even put my bag down.

Its extremely jarring and just brings down the mood constantly.

I feel your pain OP.

Im not really sure what the solution is tbh, not sure there's a kind way to get someone to stop whining