To now want the complete opposite to when I was younger

[Pizzathesizeofthreeheads]

Is it too late?

All I ever wanted was to travel and live abroad. I did it and had a career also and achieved a lot of my dreams (still have a few places I’d like to see)
Love my family, but the last thing I wanted was to be with lots of kids, living down the road (I don’t know why)
Now, that’s what I want…but I’m 45, one Dd and a frozen embryo left. Parents are early 70’s and I’m starting to feel upset about them ageing and feel terribly guilty and sad that I missed all those years.
Is it too late to try for another child and move back to life near my family?
I so wish I was ten years younger

@Heatherbell1978 I suppose missing that time with family and being near them and how different that would have been

@junbean Not too old/late though? I feel like my 30’s would have been ideal

You sound totally normal to me OP. I also prioritised travel and career development in my twenties and had no desire whatsoever to settle down. I moved back to the UK at 30 and got married and had 2 DC at 35 and 37.

In my twenties it would have been my worst nightmare to fall pregnant and be tied down so there's no point in reimagining my past. That just wasn't me. I did start to want a baby in my early thirties when I met DH, and I was lucky it happened for us, but If I couldn't have kids, I think I would have found my satisfaction elsewhere.

Yes, and I think that's completely normal. Our needs, interests, priorities and circumstances all change over time.

All you can do is build the life that's right for you right now. If you had restricted yourself from following your dreams when you were younger, you might have ended up frustrated and grieving that you'd missed out.

You've done those things and now you have different priorities. That doesn't mean what you did in the past was wrong then.

I did the same as you. Travelled loads, loved my job, Married late and had Dc even later (similar age to you.) By then was very happy to focus on family life. And i really did love all that stuff more than I ever imagined I would.

You don't need a second child to do what you suggest. Your parents are still young enough to have a great relationship with your existing child. Move closer, if your dH is happy to do so. Have them over for Sunday lunch, go for days out, keep an eye on them if they get frail.

When I was younger, I lived for excitement - travel and adventure and romance. Once i had DC I lived for simple pleasures - reading them stories and building dens and playing silly games with them. Now they are grown I want adventure again!

But weren’t you doing what you wanted in your 30’s? Are you having these feelings because of your age? Maybe this is more about mourning your youth. I went through this recently. The last few years went by in a blur and it’s like I woke up one day and I was in my 40’s and it hit me like a brick wall. Now I’m due for a mammogram, and figuring out university for my oldest?! So now I’m prioritizing making the best of what’s left of my youth. Its only too late when we die.

Yes. But I already turned it around. I was a touring musician which was my life's ambition, but turns out I hate that lifestyle. I retrained at 30, had a baby at 32. Appreciate that is younger than you but I think you could still make a change. Sometimes something is right for a period of your life but not forever.

I've no regrets about the touring days. I'm actually really proud of it. But you couldn't pay me enough to go on a tour now.

I think it’s normal to get a case of the what ifs. I think it’s more common to get them the other way round if you know what I mean. Lots of people who “played safe” wish they’d done what you’ve done.

I had this conversation with my sister recently. She stayed close, married young, etc. I was more adventurous, had more of an adventurous love life if you get my drift. We both admitted a bit of envy both ways. But both also glad we’ve done what we’ve done.

I don’t think regrets achieve anything. Better to concentrate on what you can change now.

It sounds like you didn't have a choice due to infertility rather than because of your childhood dreams?

I travelled, worked my way up a career ladder and generally had a lot of fun and adventures in my 20s. I had my first at 30. So it sounds similar to what you had planned, and very normal.

If I were you I wouldn't be so hard on myself. It sounds like you've rolled with the punches and still managed to have lots of fun throughout your 30s!

Honestly speaking to people , mainly women, of more than 1 child many say they regret having more than 1. They quote increased stress, financial worries and general workload. The grass isn't always greener.

@Faytella2020 I thought it might be nice having kids around you, especially so that my dc has a sibling

Op I understand your point. I worry about mine being an only but I wouldn't put myself through another pregnancy so he has a sibling. If you want to and feel able go for it x