Elf on the shelf

[BopIt]

I know many people have them so it's not a question of judgement on whether they're right or wrong, more so the specifics with our situation.

MIL bought our daughter an elf on the shelf and was very enthusiastic about it last year. It's September and MIL has already started amping daughter up about it this year saying things like "I hope you're behaving, it'll be Christmas soon and remember your elf and Santa are always watching you." MIL is lovely and adores our daughter, Christmas is a big thing for her as are the months that run up to it. Our daughter has only had a mild interest and that's only since MIL bought it and keeps bringing it up.

Here's the dilemma - 1) we never wanted one, and it goes against our parenting telling our daughter she's being watched (again, no judgement as our parents did the whole "Santa is watching" all year round) 2) My husband hates it and I think it's creepy, like something out of a horror movie.

My husband wants to throw it in the bin but doesn't want to have the conversation with MIL and knows our daughter will out us. I don't want to say anything because I know it will cause upset. We're stuck with it though, aren't we?

It's September, I know! I'm just wondering if we can figure this out before Christmas. Are we being unreasonable?

I think I’d have a gentle word about your dd not being bothered and you don’t want her feeling watched and judged, I think this is a shit new tradition and yes, weird.

How about ELF lives at Grandmas?

Our elf just likes having fun. No watching etc! Never liked that idea... same with Santa Cams.

We got it in 2020 because a £3 doll seemed a pretty basic fun activity when all the big stuff kept disappearing.

Tell MIL you don't want your child to think children who don't get much haven't been good.

We phased ours out last year as in previous years it had got too intense 😂😂😂

On the 1 dec the dc got a postcard from elf explaining he was on holiday but each week on Sundays leading up to Xmas he would leave them a little gift in the house (we did a cheap cake baking set, a craft set and then a ‘film kit’ which was some chocolate buttons and a bag of popcorn.
Elf explained that he was retired now 😂 they loved it. Might do similar this year but scaled back more so maybe elf will just send a postcard promising to deliver an Xmas eve box (we haven’t had one of those before)

Your elf doesn’t need to be a spy. We’ve never believed in punishing our kids with Christmas threats, good behaviour is expected all year round. The elves (also given to us my MIL) just to a few funny pranks and mess around a bit. Sent by Santa for a bit of Christmas build up fun.

Too much "magic" gives too many opportunities to question it in my book. How old is your daughter?

My daughter is extremely anxious and we have always just reassured her that she is already on the nice list. No one's watching her, she has definitely already "qualified" and there's nothing she can do to get off it now. Father Christmases at garden centres etc have always played along and supported this approach.

I think you need to decide if you want to do the overnight antics but decouple the elves from the judgement (which you could just explain to her) or if you need to bin them off altogether (which would be my strong preference!)

Honestly? It is quite all right to say that you don’t much like the elf and it creeps out your husband. It can live at Grandma’s.

Christmas is already a fairly massive job without having to do the elf. It’s magical enough

We like our elf but he doesn't judge and he isn't naughty, he just moves about and occasionally brings treats like a special weekend breakfast of pastries or a gingerbread house kit.

He arrives on the 1st with the advent calendars and leaves on the 23rd after dropping off the box for Christmas Eve (reindeer food -(bird seed), hot chocolate and marshmallows and a bath bomb for each dc).

It doesn't have to be a huge time commitment.

Elf is just a proxy for Jesus/god who are also apparently “always watching” to make sure you’re behaving yourself. It is our duty as a parents to reject this insidious messaging from covert religious fanatics.

Our elf doesn't do any surveillance, that doesn't have to be part of it.

But if you don't want it, you don't want it. Elf can live in granny's house.

How old is your DD? Is she old enough to be complicit in a bit of double deception?

"You know Elf is just a toy really darling, don't you? He can't watch you? But Granny likes to pretend, so we will pretend while she is around. It's just a game."

Though of course the problem that might come then is if she asks whether Father Christmas is just pretend as well. Now that's tricky....

Not to be dramatic but the Elf needs to be catapulted into the sun the freakish grinning wee prick.

Yes, I was just about to say that the elf is basically a non-religious way of continuing the religious Jesus/God are watching you so behave yourself.

I personally think it's awful and it belongs in the bin.
DH should be talking to MIL about it and saying he doesn't want it in the house.
I really don't see why someone (and it should be DH really) can't have a gentle word with her and say you won't be having elf on the shelf this year because it doesn't fit in with your parenting methods.

And it's fucking September... so I'd be getting her told to stop talking about fucking Christmas in fucking September.
The 1st of December is soon enough to start talking about Christmas, leaving enough time to have a nice build up without it dragging on for months and kids just getting wound up because it's too long to wait.

You could either gently tell your mil that although you appreciate the thought, you don't want to do the elf.

Or, just go with it but don't make a massive deal. We got an elf last year for the youngest. We didn't make a huge deal of it, it doesn't 'watch' or make a mess. It just moves around the house. The dc knows it's not real and it's just a bit of fun.

Those elves are an obviously plastic cheap looking toy - surely even the youngest children don't believe they are sentient. It's not like Santa, an unseen entity where their imaginations can make it real.