To be highly irritated at the current trend for describing any kind of strongly-held opinion as "drama"?

[Thepeopleversuswork]

This is a real bugbear for me at the moment: recently there's a tendency (particularly on MN but also in real life) to describe any strongly-held view, boundary enforcement or disagreement with anyone as "drama".

For example: (artificial but plausible)

Boss asks someone to do something they find morally or ethically objectionable Poster comes onto MN and says they have been asked to do something at work which is against their moral principles in some way. Poster comes onto MN and says: "I don't want to do this, should I tell boss why?"

MN en masse: "Just say no. No need for the drama".

There are dozens of responses a day like this. Any question that's asked about almost anything, will generate tens of "no need for the drama" responses. What is the point of these responses?

I think this is a mischaracterisation of what "drama" means. For me "drama" means needlessly amping up the emotion on a situation, stringing it along and dragging bystanders into it for attention. It doesn't mean that you have no right to voice an opinion about something you have strong views on. Or that you shouldn't stand up for yourself or disagree with people and tell them why you are standing up for yourself.

There's something a bit slippery slope (to me) about the idea that saying what you think and expressing views on things is bad form, boring or inappropriate. Of course no one likes a real drama queen or a whinger, but the idea that everyone just has to keep all their views to themselves and never say what they think is unhealthy in my view. How are you supposed to manage interpersonal relationships if you just shut people down without further discussion about why you are saying no to something?

Also this is a talk thread. By definition its a place where people will express opinions about things. Telling them to stop the "drama" completely undermines the point of a discussion forum.

I agree. Also "I wouldn't get worked up about it" if someone says they don't like something. It reminds me of women being called hysterical in Victorian times.

The way I see it is that if there is a way to calmly state your preference then that's better than subjecting someone to a bit of a lecture. Obviously, if you need to press on because you're meeting resistance then so be it. Depends on the situation, but sometimes it's just not that deep.

Agree. There’s a nasty overtone of misogyny to it. Strongly held views and well constructed arguments are for men. Smiling while not saying what you actually think is how women are supposed to conduct themselves.

Sure. A lecture rarely lands well. But sometimes it’s important to explain why you feel strongly about something.

I did say that it depends on the situation, so yes, sometimes it is important to air your deeply held views. But sometimes it's also ok to just say "no thank you" and carry on with your day.

I agree. Another pet peeve of mine on here is when someone posts about a minor problem and someone will respond with something like "first world problems", as though you're only allowed to post about serious, life impacting predicaments.

Any response that dismisses the OP and implies their thread is pointless is in itself a rather pointless post.

Yes it’s a good way of trying to sound superior and talking down to an OP.

I really need to stop using this site tbh

The only reason I can think is that sometimes I read posts and think oh wow did this OP really get that annoyed/upset over something that to me I wouldn't even blink about. But I'd never post and call it drama, even though at times I might think it. People are allowed their own opinions and me mine. But some people on MN don't respect that options can be divided.

It reminds me of teens saying “stop screaming at me” when asked firmly but not loudly and not in a nicey nicey tone to pick up their wet towels from the floor etc

That's true; I think there's a place for gently telling someone they're overthinking something or have read too much into something. That really is drama and it's a useful wake-up call if you're fixated on something to be told it doesn't matter.

But this is slightly different: its more when people suggest that saying how you feel or explaining or clarifying your position is "drama". To me that suggests that your opinions are intrinsically invalid and unwelcome and you have no right to express them.

For example on a talk thread when someone really wants to feel heard by their spouse or friend on a particular situation and aren't getting through they will be told "no need for the drama". I think it's really belittling.

I often find myself wishing men would smile while not saying what they really think, too.

@Squiblet

I often find myself wishing men would smile while not saying what they really think, too.

Several times a day.

I see that on mumsnet too. "Screaming" used to mean "expressing a different opinion from my own." They'll write that someone was screaming that [insert different opinion]