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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to EBF? What would you do?

46 replies

pizzawinecake · 01/09/2023 11:12

Hi all

EBF my baby (he also takes bottles of expressed milk).

I always thought I'd combi feed but baby was 6 weeks premature so I feel like the breastfeeding thing is even more important to him. Apart from
Prematurity he seems completely healthy and no nicu time. So he's 13 weeks old but only really 7 weeks adjusted.

Bf is going well but baby is tiny (he was born at 3lb 13 at 34 weeks)- not only is he tiny for his 'age' as he's premature but he's also tiny for his adjusted age as I had IUGR. He's 13 weeks and 9lbs now.

He's on the 2-9th percentile for his adjusted age but I do find his tiny size a bit of a trigger for feeling guilty I couldn't carry him to term (I had pre eclampsia). He's continuously sticking on this percentile and is growing steadily.

I'm getting a lot of comments from family to add in formula to help him gain weight quicker and I don't know whether I'm being unreasonable by continuing to exclusively breastfeed rather than giving him more calories via formula to help him put on weight quicker. I'm trying to work out if I'm being prideful by putting off formula so I can say 'I EBF for x months'.... rather than putting babys best interests first.

What would you do with a tiny baby?

OP posts:
Dropthedonkey · 01/09/2023 11:14

I would take advice from doctors or even your health visitor, not from family members. Sounds like you feel guilty for feeding him and guilty if you stopped welcome to motherhood
Congratulations by the way 💐

donkra · 01/09/2023 11:14

He's gaining weight steadily along a percentile line. He's absolutely fine. Keep doing what you're doing. If he wanted or needed more milk, he'd feed from you more.

ButterRoad · 01/09/2023 11:16

Take advice from your GP/HV. Family thoughts are as irrelevant as billboards by the road, though more intrusive.

Original poster
pizzawinecake · 01/09/2023 11:17

The health visitors say the same - he's ok as he's following his percentile but they are super pro breastfeeding (and possibly part of the reason I'd feeling bad supplementing) so I wanted objective thoughts.

One plus about supplementing with formula (rather than going completely to formula) is that I could maybe get to the gym for a couple of hours and leave him with his dad.

But pp just nailed it. I think I'm gonna feel bad either way. Baaah Blush

OP posts:
YouHoooo · 01/09/2023 11:18

Breastfeeding is the best thing for your baby. He’s growing exactly as he should be!

Your family (I assume) aren’t paediatricians so can keep their opinions to themselves.

AllotmentTime · 01/09/2023 11:18

You'd probably find a different set of family/friends started making comments about how EBF is much better for baby. The people are the problem here, not the feeding.

plus no guarantee adding formula would actually make him gain faster!!

Hes gaining weight and growing = it's all good. Do what works for you and Tell them to keep their beaks out.

Hoardasurass · 01/09/2023 11:22

Please don't feel guilty in anyway. My ds was born at 33+1 and I remember the misplaced guilt and blame that i heaped on myself, my therapist said its a very common feeling. It's does go away eventually though.
As for giving him formula to fatten him up it doesn't really work like that, as long as he's not dropping percentiles and gaining in line then don't worry he'll get there eventually. Ds is 14 now and 5'8 honestly you'd never know that he was a preme by looking at him now

donkra · 01/09/2023 11:23

Breast milk makes even more of a difference to babies that are premature.

Can totally understand wanting to get a few hours away. Could you start working on an expressed stash?

MotherEarthisaTerf · 01/09/2023 11:25

Stop second guessing yourself. Your baby is happy and healthy and you've done great till now.

Do you enjoy bfeeding? Does your baby seem content?

Ignore the scales and look at your baby in arms. Let go of your guilt 💙

Cowlover89 · 01/09/2023 11:26

Don't listen to your family. Keep doing what you doing. You don't need to add formula x

Cowlover89 · 01/09/2023 11:28

Keep expressing so the dad can't feed baba with that. It's what I did when I wanted couple hours away pr when I was at work. He gave my son expressed milk x

Cowlover89 · 01/09/2023 11:28

Can*

Original poster
pizzawinecake · 01/09/2023 11:29

Hoardasurass · 01/09/2023 11:22

Please don't feel guilty in anyway. My ds was born at 33+1 and I remember the misplaced guilt and blame that i heaped on myself, my therapist said its a very common feeling. It's does go away eventually though.
As for giving him formula to fatten him up it doesn't really work like that, as long as he's not dropping percentiles and gaining in line then don't worry he'll get there eventually. Ds is 14 now and 5'8 honestly you'd never know that he was a preme by looking at him now

This is helpful. It's just hard seeing him next to term babies of the same age. They are like 2 kg bigger!

People see him and always say 'ahhh he's tiny'. Which I know is well intentioned but is a bit of a trigger everytime. As if I can't see that he's bloody tiny Hmm. Like I haven't been anxious about making sure he's putting on weight for 3 months. Having a tiny baby is hard

OP posts:
Yellowlegobrick · 01/09/2023 11:31

I was in exactly your shoes. I swapped to bottles at 6m. It made zero difference and still v small now age 4.

Yellowlegobrick · 01/09/2023 11:33

I should add - i regretted swapping. I'd been happy breastfeeding and the only people who liked the bottles were doctors who love being able to measure what's going in - but who cares if it makes no difference to growth? Eldest had been EBF and grew far more rapidly and still does.

Yellowlegobrick · 01/09/2023 11:35

FYI formula is designed to have same calories in as BM, so you aren't giving any extra by swapping. All you gain is visibility of exactly how many ounces they take, this information is useless as actually you can't make them take more than they want. I tried high calorie supplements too and it just meant baby reducing the volume they took to compensate, nothing i did increased the calorie intake.

trampoline123 · 01/09/2023 11:36

He's fine, listen to your gut and not friends and family, only health professionals. Trust me, if they thought he needed extra they would say.

For what it's worth, my 1st was born at 34w at 3lb 5 as he stopped growing. He stayed on 2nd for ages but stayed on the line. He's 3 now and tbh I don't know what percentile he's on now but was 15th last time I checked.

We never got a latch to BF so I pumped until he was 4m old then had to switch to formula cos I couldn't produce the amount of milk he wanted.

phoenixrosehere · 01/09/2023 11:37

Take advice from the hcps watching his growth process.

He’s healthy and gaining weight as he should.

My sons were born to term and were both under 7.5 lbs, both breastfed and were about the same size as yours at that age. They are constantly 2-3 years below in sizes and weren’t ones to grow out of their baby clothes quickly. I breastfed both for over 2 years. At almost 6 and 8, they still put on weight gradually, active, eat little and often and are naturally slender (think ballet dancer type physique). That’s just how they grow and every child has their own growth rate.

I had some resistance from my mum about ebf but that was based on her insecurities because she was too poorly to do so for my sister and I (she had pre-eclampsia with both of us and we were both born two months early). The comments came to an end eventually with our second.

babbscrabbs · 01/09/2023 11:39

If you can BF with minimal issues and your baby is gaining, carry on! It's free, convenient, reduces cancer risk, in my case I could eat loads of cake and still lost weight - it is a source of comfort as well as food (mine never took to dummies), you can always express or introduce a single bottle of formula if you want some freedom but in the grand scheme of things this time will go quickly. I fed my dc2 until he was 3 YEARS old (only at night from 18m) and now it feels like the blink of an eye.

Bluejaybean · 01/09/2023 11:44

If you introduce formula he might get sicky and constipated as his tummy adjusts to different food, just to make you aware not formula bashing. Do what's right for you.

My baby was overdue, 8 pounds at birth, very chunky with rolls of fat and exclusively breastfed. (I gave him a bottle of formula once when I was desperate, we both had a much needed four hour nap and he woke up screaming because he couldn't poo. It is a minefield!)

Sounds like your baby would be tiny either way and is just on his own course to me but do what's right for you.

TerrorAustralis · 01/09/2023 11:46

babbscrabbs · 01/09/2023 11:39

If you can BF with minimal issues and your baby is gaining, carry on! It's free, convenient, reduces cancer risk, in my case I could eat loads of cake and still lost weight - it is a source of comfort as well as food (mine never took to dummies), you can always express or introduce a single bottle of formula if you want some freedom but in the grand scheme of things this time will go quickly. I fed my dc2 until he was 3 YEARS old (only at night from 18m) and now it feels like the blink of an eye.

Exactly this. If it’s working for you and your baby, crack on and ignore the unsolicited advice.

Your body is doing exactly what your baby needs it to do.

Original poster
pizzawinecake · 01/09/2023 11:48

Thank you all of you. Feel a lot more motivated to carry on. Will start expressing more to build up a stash. No idea how to though when he's feeding all day!

OP posts:
BadHairBae · 01/09/2023 11:50

I had a small baby and EBF. Was constantly worried about his weight gain but kept going. All family told me to switch to formula to plump him out. HV said not to make the switch and I didn't.

When he turned 6mo he no longer wanted to BF (and I was over it due to PND but I would have wanted to BF for longer). So, he went onto formula once we started weaning. His centiles have remained the same and made no difference.

He's now 8mo and gaining slow and steady, he's dinky and very healthy. So don't switch (if you don't want to), there's no guarantee it'll make any difference 🙂

Maryamlouise · 01/09/2023 11:52

Mine was on 2nd percentile after failure to thrive and I was paranoid about it and weighed them constantly but kept up EBF with expressed milk supplements (until started solids and BF until about 15 months) and child is now on about 40th percentile and isn't smaller than any other kids in their school year. I would keep an eye that they are still gaining weight but sure it will be fine to continue EBF. Good luck!

Pacificisolated · 01/09/2023 11:52

You don’t actually want him suddenly jumping up percentiles. There’s plenty of evidence that over feeding babies (not possible with direct breastfeeding) leads to poorer long term health outcomes and weight management issues for adults.

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