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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Ongoing Ex Saga

3 replies

ellie09 · 01/09/2023 09:25

Hi all

I have an ex husband and we are currently going through divorce (nisi is granted) and we have a 6 year old together.

Our relationship was mentally and physically abusive and that was the main reason it broke down.

He continued the abuse even when we separated, with verbal abuse and threats to the point we went no contact and the police were involved as he tried to blackmail me out of some money.

Recently, I started contacting again as things had settled and it was easier to arrange childcare etc.

My child has started school this week and he has decided to show up each morning out the blue of his own accord. Which would be OK if there was no abuse.

One incident this week, child arrived to school happy and then he brought up a sensitive topic to him, and he ended up having a meltdown.

Second one, me and child were late getting to school due to traffic when he started ringing my phone, calling me horrible names (apparently I'm a crater faced f*) and shouting on the phone in the car (its Bluetooth connected) and child is upset again, telling his dad to stop calling me bad words.

I've told him I don't want him deviating the arrangements and not to bother showing up when he isn't required to which he said he can do whatever he wants.

He had some bad anger reaction to the fact I was "late" (we just arrived in the nick of time) and of course he likes to bring up he always gets child to school on time despite he lives a 30 second drive from the school and his work times don't clash either (I WFH and start at 8)

AIBU to tell him to bugger off outside of the arrangements and what do I do if he breaks these again?

I find it odd that he wants to go and he isn't at all needed and its only winding up our child when he was content and happy before hand.

OP posts:
Ostryga · 01/09/2023 09:26

Is the contact court ordered?

ellie09 · 01/09/2023 09:30

Not court ordered unfortunately, we arrange this amongst ourselves.

During the period we went no contact, I typed out the arrangements and my mum sent these across to him.

Our divorce has very broad childcare instructions but they aren't set in stone as these are amended each week according to his work hours

OP posts:
Ostryga · 01/09/2023 10:45

So does he need to be seeing the children as he is so abusive? Is it in anyway a positive experience for them?

I honestly would block everywhere and let him take you to court for contact. He sounds awful and it’s in your best interest, and that of your children for contact to be safe for everyone.

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