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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Laundry woes

29 replies

Motnight · 01/09/2023 09:04

I do all the laundry for the family. Always have, I don't usually mind.

This morning, rushing around as usual I put a wash on. 95% my husband's clothes. All of which he has put in the laundry basket.

The washing machine has finished washing. I open the door. White tissue paper everywhere. It's a dark wash. Husband pottering around. I say, there's tissue everywhere, you haven't emptied your pockets. He says well it's not a huge problem and just stands there. I pull the clothes out. Tissue paper all over, tissue paper in the washing machine and now tissue paper on the kitchen floor and on me. I say this has really pissed me off, it's extra work. He smirks.

I pull out all clothes, separate my few items from his and throw his into the garden, put the washing machine on to clean it and brush up the paper on the floor.

He says that I am over reacting. I say that he couldn't even be arsed to apologise which is what has really annoyed me.

I go back to work (wah - started just after 7 am as really busy). He goes upstairs - he isn't currently working.

AIBU in leaving his clothes outside for him to deal with?

OP posts:
gradistar · 01/09/2023 09:05

Oh my god of course you are not being unreasonable! Why do women stay with men like this 🥲 don't be so passive

UtterlyUnimaginativeUsername · 01/09/2023 09:06

If he's not working and you are, why on earth are you doing all the laundry?

I'd never touch any clothes belonging to the smirking ass again.

Tlolljs · 01/09/2023 09:07

I know what you mean but I have to say I always check pockets.
I know you shouldn’t have to but it’s not only his clothes it’s yours too and the mess.

Original poster
Motnight · 01/09/2023 09:08

Not being passive! Passive surely would have meant me clearing up my husband's laundry? And I don't mind doing the laundry. What I do mind is the lack of respect regarding my time and effort.

OP posts:
Original poster
Motnight · 01/09/2023 09:13

Tlolljs · 01/09/2023 09:07

I know what you mean but I have to say I always check pockets.
I know you shouldn’t have to but it’s not only his clothes it’s yours too and the mess.

After a similar incident years ago I made it really clear that I wasn't going to check pockets of clothes in the laundry basket.

OP posts:
Original poster
Motnight · 01/09/2023 09:14

UtterlyUnimaginativeUsername · 01/09/2023 09:06

If he's not working and you are, why on earth are you doing all the laundry?

I'd never touch any clothes belonging to the smirking ass again.

Yes I agree with this. I am really pissed off.

OP posts:
Theoldwoman · 01/09/2023 09:21

Why isn’t your husband working? Is he unfortunately unwell?

Catsafterme · 01/09/2023 09:25

No you are not being unreasonable, leave the lazy fuck to do it himself and experience the frustration, then maybe he would understand.

I'm a father and I did all the housework including the washing for everyone, that alone is a never ending cycle but fishing out tissues and other things left in pockets after the wash makes it worse.

Stop being a skivvy. Share the responsibilities he's a grown man.

Original poster
Motnight · 01/09/2023 09:31

Theoldwoman · 01/09/2023 09:21

Why isn’t your husband working? Is he unfortunately unwell?

He is a contractor. He is looking for work. He does work very hard at his paid work roles - he really isn't a cock lodger! He just happens to not have a contract at the moment.

OP posts:
Original poster
Motnight · 01/09/2023 09:32

Catsafterme · 01/09/2023 09:25

No you are not being unreasonable, leave the lazy fuck to do it himself and experience the frustration, then maybe he would understand.

I'm a father and I did all the housework including the washing for everyone, that alone is a never ending cycle but fishing out tissues and other things left in pockets after the wash makes it worse.

Stop being a skivvy. Share the responsibilities he's a grown man.

Yep, I am taking no action re the clothes in the garden.

OP posts:
avemariiiaa · 01/09/2023 09:36

No more laundry for him.

Do you own and the kids.

Put his back in the basket.

Fromage · 01/09/2023 09:42

The smirk would end my laundry services immediately and permanently.

I know a man who bought his wife the gift of a hoover and shortly after this, when they did their house up, she had all the carpets ripped up and replaced with laminated floors, against his wishes. Well played, that woman.

I believe what your husband is asking for, is bleached and shrunken clothes.

coconutpie · 01/09/2023 10:11

That would be the last time I ever did his laundry. Let him deal with his own stuff.

Catsafterme · 01/09/2023 10:18

Motnight · 01/09/2023 09:32

Yep, I am taking no action re the clothes in the garden.

Show quote history

There's obviously this thing of men don't do that stuff or somehow it's too complicated to work out. My father is the same and most other men I know, totally incapable of caring for themselves when the wife is away or it's just not their job but it's all nonsense.

I may be different because I was mostly raised by women who drilled it into me since I was around 8 that I should never expect a woman to look after me, and I've been doing all these things since then.

Everything should be equal not just the washing, not your role in life.

Original poster
Motnight · 01/09/2023 10:23

It is now pouring with rain 😬

OP posts:
coconutpie · 01/09/2023 10:31

Motnight · 01/09/2023 10:23

It is now pouring with rain 😬

Good

LavenderfortheBees · 01/09/2023 11:00

I would tell or text him that his clothes are in the garden for him to sort. He can't then play the victim about them getting wet.

I'd also stop doing his laundry in general.

FOJN · 01/09/2023 11:06

Leave his washing where it is for him to sort out.

Buy a separate laundry hamper for him and never do his washing again.

Accidents happen but the smirk, lack of apology or any effort to help with the clean up would have made me furious.

Original poster
Motnight · 01/09/2023 11:17

LavenderfortheBees · 01/09/2023 11:00

I would tell or text him that his clothes are in the garden for him to sort. He can't then play the victim about them getting wet.

I'd also stop doing his laundry in general.

He saw me throw the clothes onto the garden and chose to leave them there.

I am no longer going to be doing his washing. The total lack of respect regarding my time and effort has really shocked me.

OP posts:
Curlygirl06 · 01/09/2023 11:20

Just to add, if you get a tissue in the washing, put a couple of aspirins in the machine, wash it again and it dissolves the tissue!
I had a black acrylic cardigan and the tissue stuck to that like shit to a blanket, thought I'd have to throw it away. The before and after was so dramatic I wish I'd taken photos. I can't remember if I actually put the wash cycle on or just a long rinse and spin but it really works!

Bluejaybean · 01/09/2023 11:23

Wash his phone next time, tell him he must have left it in his pocket.

andrainwillmaketheflowersgrow · 01/09/2023 11:25

YANBU.

DH and I do our own laundry - always have done and we've been together nearly eight years. This always, without fail, results in him flapping about at 10pm on a Sunday night because he's realised has no clean clothes for work Hmm

His clothes - he can deal with them.

gradistar · 01/09/2023 19:52

Motnight · 01/09/2023 09:08

Not being passive! Passive surely would have meant me clearing up my husband's laundry? And I don't mind doing the laundry. What I do mind is the lack of respect regarding my time and effort.

Sorry but doing your husbands laundry and putting up with his shitty behaviour is passive.

DinoMummsy · 01/09/2023 20:35

Yanbu, hope the birds poop on his clothes, what a twat!

Original poster
Motnight · 01/09/2023 20:39

gradistar · 01/09/2023 19:52

Sorry but doing your husbands laundry and putting up with his shitty behaviour is passive.

Show quote history

He hasn't covered himself in glory here I agree. But always been happy up to now to do his laundry. I am not just accepting his shitty behaviour today. The washing is out in the garden still. I won't do his laundry again. His behaviour has had consequences.

OP posts:
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