Thinking DD needs a hobby

[TinyMoos]

DD is 12, generally sociable, has friends, does well in school. She has played violin for 5 years (never done ABRSM exams), went to ballet but quit at the start of secondary. Last year she joined the hockey team at school.
Over the years she's done brownies, swimming lessons, tennis camp, performing arts and more.
DD has now asked if she can quit hockey and violin, says she's not interested; they bore her. I've asked if she wants to try something else and she said not really. I asked what she wants to do after school then and she said just hang out with friends and relax.

My niece is 18, going to uni, she has her piano grades all the way up to 8, did ballet until she turned 11, still plays tennis frequently and does ice skating/figure skating but mainly in the winter. I thought this was normal and is similar to my childhood, I still play hockey now.

AIBU to think DD needs a club and not doing anything just isn't an option?

Nope. Not everyone needs a hobby.

Hobbies identify themselves. If someone else has to find your hobby, that's probably not the one for you

Leave her be

I have mixed feelings on this.

I was always allowed to quit with no consequence if I didn't want to carry on. By the time I was 18 I lived for socializing and did pretty much nothing else. I do wonder if I had been encouraged to stick with things longer it would have served me better. As an adult I regret not playing instruments for longer or keeping up with sport through my teen years.

On the other hand, I was pretty happy and never miserable doing something I didn't want to do.

Your daughter isn't your niece - people are different. I'd let her decide what she wants to do - or not.

My mum was big on 'doing things' and I hated it - I was happier at home, with a book doing my own thing - she used to make me feel bad for not going to Brownies, dance, youth club

Surely it's not a hobby if you have to be made to do it? It's an obligation.

IMO hobbies should be something you want to do and enjoy.

DP and I have various mainly sporting hobbies and for me my main sport taught me so much, gave me so many opportunities as well as making friends and I still love it now so yes I would love my boys to find something they are really into and enjoy. Seems pointless to make her do something she really isn't enjoying though

this!! YABU. Let her decide. As long as she’s doing sufficient exercise / getting sunlight and fresh air.

She doesn't need a hobby but she should do a physical activity of some sort, whether it's competitive or just some regular junior gym sessions. Ideally she'd also have an 'interest' - it is nice if it's a social or team activity (or something that's good on a UCAS form), but it's good to have anything outside of school and TV that captures your imagination, whether it's drawing, or scouts, or geocaching or dance, or history, or volunteering at a local charity shop.

YABU, you can't force her. I was forced to do Judo... I fucking hated it. I was berated for being rubbish at it, but I simply was not interested in it

I'd say yes to needing a hobby, but it doesn't need to be an out-of-the-house paid activity. For example, she was a keen seamstress and spent many hours in front of her sewing machine self-teaching herself to make items, or spent her evenings building electrical circuits, then that would totally count.
I also don't think school PE provides enough physical activity for the week, so I would be insisting on DC doing something active once or twice a week for the physical and mental benefits (rather than classing it as a hobby, although it's great if it becomes one, as that's two birds with one stone). It wouldn't have to be the same thing every week though, and I'd be happy to help her try random sports/activities to find something that doesn't feel like a chore to her. YouTube HIIT would fit the bill, or yoga, dance classes, aerobics, the gym, C25K, etc etc

I know you said she did brownies when younger but what about Guides? My dd really loves it. You said your DD just wants to hang out with friends...Guides is a bit like that, obviously they do activities but it's really social and it's different things every week so they don't get bored and my dd really enjoys seeing the other guides every week.

Mine are allowed to quit a sport whenever they want (if they've done their paid time!) but they have to switch it for another. DC1 tried a few months saying he would do stuff at home like go for a run or bike ride but he never did so I said he had to join a club again. I don't think they do enough at school, and it's good for them to meet children not in their school.

Isn't it a known thing that girls often quit sport at 11/12? I'd try to get her to try something else. What about some of the more obscure sports? You need to find out what's on offer around you.

You can have a hobby without formally attending lessons/classes/training.

Regarding the violin, it may be that she needs some time to enjoy playing outside of formal teaching. I enjoyed instruments much more when I stopped having lessons when I was 14, because I could play popular music rather than boring exam pieces. I played trumpet in a soul and a ska band and did a cuban jazz thing and had a ball away from the structure of the formal classes and played so much better and learnt so much more than I did in lessons, and it was all on my own terms and didn't interfere with my life in ways I didn't want.

Let her give up the classes, but leave her with the violin. Look up The Subway Violinists/Rhett Price/D-Sharp/2 Cellos with her on Youtube if she's not already found them. The violin can be super-duper cool, but probably not in school music service classes. Giving up boring lessons doesn't have to mean giving up the violin, just giving up the pressure, the time out of class or missing lunch and spending time with friends every single week (and in my case, the judgment from my teacher when I hadn't practiced the scales and boring and hard pieces of music that I'd been studying for months and had entirely lost the will to live with). Give her the opportunity to discover the violin without the baggage.

Give her until half term to have a bit of a mental break from all the clubs etc and see where things stand. Maybe see if her friends do any sports/hobbies/clubs and whether she wants to try any of them.

There's also lots of hobbies she can have from the comfort of your home. Baking, crochet, sewing, online pilates... Attending clubs can be emotionally hard - I'm in a club for an individual sport, but only attend club training a few times a year nowadays - I still train most days on my own, but I completely burnt out after being on the committee for a spell, and would rather distance myself from the politics and arrange my hobby around my life rather than my life around my hobby at the moment. I will go if I'm having a day where I want to be with people, but the default is that they don't expect me to turn up for training, only competition. That's not realistic with a team sport like hockey, but that may mean that's not the right sport for her.

I'm having exactly the same dilemma.
I've said have a break until half term then we'll review things. I'm not sure it's an organised hobby that's needed or an interest and something that doesn't involve screens. This is easier with an organised hobby but doesn't have to be.