AIBU to think I'll never feel at home here?

[islander123]

I grew up on a small island (British Isles, not abroad. It'll probably be fairly easy to guess where but I'd rather not be specific). I loved growing up there and always imagined that I'd raise my family there. It still feels like home. Parents are still there.

My DH is also from there and we both left for university and have lived on the 'mainland' ever since. Moving back was never something we specifically agreed on, but I was always clear that I wanted to be there when we had a family and I guess just assumed we'd move back someday.

We're now mid-thirties with two DCs (preschool and primary age) and DH has been very clear for a while that he doesn't want to go back. It would involve significant compromises for his career, but he also just finds it too insular.

I do try to focus on the positives of being here. The island we grew up on is small and there's less variety of things to do and see, much harder to have a weekend away or holiday. Absolutely everything is more expensive there. We have a wonderful home here that we could never afford back there (house prices are insane). I enjoy my work here. Much of the time I rub along pretty happily (and I recognise that I am incredibly privileged), but fairly frequently I just get this overwhelming sense of homesickness and that I will never be truly content anywhere else. It doesn't help that we've moved a few times in recent years. Last year we moved back to where we've lived previously with a view to settling here, and we are near my sibling so the kids are also near cousins which is another thing they wouldn't have if we moved back.

I keep wondering if I'll ever really feel at home here, and if so how long will it take? I love our house but feel no real connection to the area. Part of me wants to insist that if I still feel like this in a few years time then we should try moving back, despite the career compromises for DH. Another part of me recognises that the grass is always greener, and that everytime I go 'home' now I am in holiday mode. I haven't lived there for 15 years now and the reality may be very different.

AIBU?

I'm in a similar situation, me and partner are from the same area but moved to a new city together after uni - we have often spoken about moving "home" but life has got in the way. We are a bit older than you and our kids are a bit older than yours, and we've decided we are settled where we are and now focus on all the lovely things about where we live (of which there are many). As the kids got older it became less and less likely we could up root them. I think I will always feel just a little bit homesick, and I will always wish we lived closer to our families but I think I've finally got my head around that where we live with our children is really our home.

I felt the same when I had my first child and we did move "back home". I don't regret it one bit as my children all grew up with excellent relationships with their grandparents and we all have had a better quality of life.

I've lived away from "home"/where parents and siblings are for over 12 years now and still don't feel like where I am is 'home' and I think that's ok. I was brought up away from where I was born, where my parents were born,raised and called 'home' so I feel like the feeling of 'home' being where you aren't and perhaps where you visit regularly etc is quite normal.
I think if you accept that this is where you live vs where 'home' is- it might be easier to accept and allow yourself to settle. You have every reason- kids, family, jobs etc to be happy where you and enjoy living there without it being 'home'. Maybe something worth considering is would your island home feel like home if you're parents were no longer there?