Harrassment

[Carpetshoe]

NC for this.

This is about my boss at work. We are also good friends outside of work.

He fancies me, but I have made it clear that I am not interested.

He touches my thigh all the time, and his hand has tried to wander to my crotch several times.

I have told him I don't like it and not to do it repeatedly. When I tell him forcefully, he is better for a while, then it starts up again. He also talks about sex a lot and that makes me feel uncomfortable. It's been going on for over a year.

If I report him, he will lose his job and probably never work again.

His mental health is very poor. This might tip him over the edge.

What can I try other than reporting to HR?

You don't need to try anything else, my lovely. You need to report him as a matter of urgency.

He is not your friend. Friends to not treat people this way. He is sexually assaulting you. Please, please report him before he decides to take things further and or does the same to someone else.

We've got your back. Please report him.

Kicking him in the balls would be effective... Or report him to the police. Cut out the reporting him to the boss.

How on earth can you be "good friends outside of work" with someone who does what you describe here? Nobody would be "good friends" with a lesson who is sexually assaulting and harassing them.

You should definitely report him but I understand why you don’t want to. I would have a really firm conversation with him. Tell him you’ve been polite, you’re not interested but now he’s gone too far and it’s making you feel uncomfortable. For the time being I would distance yourself, make sure you’re not alone with him and explain that if he touches you again, makes any advances or talks about sex then you will report him to hr and take it further.

He clearly things he can convince you and it’s a game. You’ve said no enough, you really shouldn’t have to say it more than once and he definitely shouldn’t be touching you. Be very firm as clearly it’s the only way he will understand .

Personally, I wouldn’t count this man as a friend.

I forgot to mention that I am a straight man and he is gay.

None of that is relevant. It is sexual assault and sexual harassment. Get your arse to HR AND the police and report him.

His mental health is not your responsibility OP, and no one should have to put up with being inappropriately touched or made to feel uncomfortable in the course of doing their job. Reporting is the only responsible thing to do, for yourself, for the company and even for your boss, he can't just be allowed to carry on. Do you have any concerns that HR won't deal with it properly?

You are not responsible for his MH. You are responsible for yours. You need to report him before he does it to someone who won't call him out on it.

He knows the consequences of your reporting him but doesn't care and keeps on doing it.

Report him and if he loses his job he only has himself to blame.

Report him. You've tried telling him to stop, which is generous, but it didn't work. If you want to give him one last chance (which is also generous), warn him that the next time he touches you or talks about anything inappropriate, you WILL go to HR.

Sorry this is happening to you. I’m going to turn this on its head. If this was a female colleague who had come to you saying he was doing this to her how would you react? I’m guessing you would say report it. What he is doing to you is no different. No means no. Period.

Completely irrelevant, he shouldn’t be doing it at all. You’re not responsible for his mental health and it shows what a nice guy you are considering this but he’s taking advantage and not listening.

If a friend was coming to you about advice on this happening to them then I’m sure you’d encourage them to report it.