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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to cut ties with my friend

5 replies

Peachtails · 31/08/2023 18:26

Hi everyone,

My first post and probably a bit of a juvenile moan. I'm pregnant so I'm guessing it's part hormones so apologise in advance!

I feel like I'm mourning a friendship, AIBU to think bugger this and just cut ties?

One of my friends and my DH have

never got on. Not great but always been manageable, (I actually think they're quite similar, especially their negative traits and they just clash!). He doesn't need to be involved in every friendship I have, nor me his, and as long as they were polite to each other (they were) I couldn't really force much else.

However since my friend got engaged last year, she's decided everything she does with friends has to be in the form of a couple. Since my husband and her don't get on, she doesn't seem to want to do anything. I don't feel as if I fit in with her new lifestyle in a way.

We planned to go out for tea but I was early pregnancy and in and out of the doctors everyday because I was quite poorly, so at the time I had to cancel without much of a reason, but obviously I've since explained myself.

Me and DH never been a couple who does 'couples stuff' for want of a better phrase. If we're not working or with family then we're together. Time with friends is often our outlet or escape time and has been for all the years we've been together.

Obviously there are times when we get together with other friends, weddings, big birthdays etc, and he gets on great with my other friends, so it's not that no one likes him, he just doesn't gel with this one.

Anyway, since I told her I was pregnant around 2 months ago, the communication has gotten even worse. I only hear from her now if I text first, and other than an initial congratulations reply, she's shown no interest in how I, or the baby are doing. Not that I want buckets of attention, but I suppose I just expected an interest. This is our first child.

She's active on social media and out and about with others, I try and talk to her to take and interest, with the wedding, her holidays, work etc all normal stuff, but recently I'm starting to feel it's a bit forced.

She's originally said I was invited to the wedding, so I don't think it's to get me away from that.

I really don't know what to make of it, obviously it's not a friendship that's meant to last a life time and I'm just a bit sad about it. I thought maybe telling our pregnancy news would built some excitement, when she seems to have ran in the opposite direction.

I know I shouldn't be bothered, I've got a baby to look forward to! It just seems to have bothered me today.

Probably is hormones!

Thanks for letting me get that off my chest x

OP posts:
boscabosco · 31/08/2023 20:27

she may be jealous of your pregnancy

IseeNarcPeople · 31/08/2023 20:35

No you're not being unreasonable, just have a little grieve for the end of the friendship, but I think it's for the best, you and your husband have a very healthy relationship, hers maybe not so much.

justanothermanicmonday1 · 31/08/2023 20:41

I agree with PP. She may have some fertility issues she has been struggling with and slightly resents you for that. Either that or she genuinely just doesn't like your DP. So strange because I'd never let this come in the way of my friendship, and I have been there.

The best thing to do is focus on yourself and your family. I'd slowly phase her out and enjoy your pregnancy because it goes by so fast. Don't let anyone ruin it.

I was in a similar position to you this year and after 10 months of no contact with my DF we are in such a great place now after a few meet ups and speaking everything through.

Give each other time and space. X

OneTequilaAwayFromChaos · 26/11/2023 20:43

Maybe they’re happy for you but not that interested in your pregnancy? When you’re pregnant the pregnancy, baby, plans and everything else are all consuming - and rightly so. However if you’re not maternal, have no intention of having kids and have little interest, sometimes you just run out of other conversations… It’s just the way it is, paths diverge. Mourn it, remember the good times and look forward to all your upcoming magical moments.

Berlinlover · 26/11/2023 20:46

Zombie thread.

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