Why is my 2 year old suddenly so unhappy? :(

toddlerhellwhatthefuck · 2023-08-31T15:17:23+00:00

As per my username change, I'm going through an extremely difficult time with my toddler and I need help 😞 My DD is 2 years & 4 months, and has recently (I'm talking the past 2-3 weeks) has turned into what can only be described as a demon. Her behaviour is appallingly bad. The screeching and tantrums are pushing my over the edge. Prior to this she was adorable - truly a delight. I adored spending time with her. I parent on my often as DH works away, but I used to enjoy my time with her so much. Now I envy DH being away and wish I could be the one working away instead. I'm in tears most days just purely from the sheer stress and overwhelm. I get kicked and screamed at during nappy changes, any small request that she doesn't want to do is met with screaming and "NO!!". Outings can be utter hell and I don't bother anymore as they fill me with such anxiety and stress. She has moments of being the cutest, funniest, loveliest little girl and my heart fills with love and pride. Then 5 mins later she's screaming and physically attacking me again. I am so miserable. Is it me? Am I no longer meeting her needs somehow? Why has she suddenly had a personality transplant from adorable and sweet to an absolute nightmare?

TropicalTrama · 31/08/2023 16:20

Classic for that age. Usually it’s because they become much more self aware in terms of wants and feelings but lack the language to express it.

blipblopblip · 31/08/2023 16:22

Have you seen any changes in her, my toddler is a similar age and I had this when she was going through a big developmental leap. She had a lovely phase before but was a nightmare for a few weeks. I noticed I massive change in her verbally and comprehension during and after so I think it was down to that. Other than that are there any bit changes that might have unsettled her or could she be poorly eg ear infection that's not obvious but causing her discomfort? I hope things get better asap! It's awful when they are so grumpy!

DuchessOfSausage · 31/08/2023 16:23

She's changing from being a baby into being a child. It's the so called 'Terrible Twos'. She is now a lot more aware of the world and has probably decided that she's the boss. You need to maintain boundaries - your her parent. It's a phase and it will pass.

Original poster

toddlerhellwhatthefuck · 31/08/2023 16:23

Thanks @TropicalTrama
Just finding it hard not to blame myself as it's so bad and such a complete personality change that I've convinced myself I'm not meeting her needs somehow. But I do everything I possibly can and more for her. 😞

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HappierTimesAhead · 31/08/2023 16:24

Totally normal but utterly exhausting 😫

Original poster

toddlerhellwhatthefuck · 31/08/2023 16:26

blipblopblip · 31/08/2023 16:22

Have you seen any changes in her, my toddler is a similar age and I had this when she was going through a big developmental leap. She had a lovely phase before but was a nightmare for a few weeks. I noticed I massive change in her verbally and comprehension during and after so I think it was down to that. Other than that are there any bit changes that might have unsettled her or could she be poorly eg ear infection that's not obvious but causing her discomfort? I hope things get better asap! It's awful when they are so grumpy!

In terms of changes, she's recently started a new nursery which I'm sure as unsettled her as she cries a lot at drop off. She's generally fine and settles quickly once I've left according to the staff, but I think that most have affected her. I've also definitely noticed her language has become more advanced recently and she's properly stringing sentences together now. So could be developmental. She's also started to refuse her daytime nap so she's definitely more tired in the day, but she point blank refuses to nap so I don't know what to do about that one.

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Original poster

toddlerhellwhatthefuck · 31/08/2023 16:27

Sorry, typos!

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Original poster

toddlerhellwhatthefuck · 31/08/2023 16:28

HappierTimesAhead · 31/08/2023 16:24

Totally normal but utterly exhausting 😫

Totally and utterly exhausting! I'm close to tears several times a day, it's affecting my mental health now. 😞

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snowballsinhell · 31/08/2023 16:30

I get ya

I've a 26m here and I'm broken

I work full time, dread collecting her from my mum's and then count the hours until bedtime

I felt similarly when DS9 was the same age

I'm just not a great toddler mum

TropicalTrama · 31/08/2023 16:32

I’m sure you’re meeting all of her needs but you’ll never manage all of their wants. Today my 2YO didn’t want to go in his car seat, didn’t want to take nap (really needed it), wanted to throw himself in a pond, wanted to follow his older sister on an obstacle course that would have been impossible, eat ice cream for lunch etc. He’s learning obviously and we tell him why all of the above are a no but he doesn’t fully understand so frustration is inevitable and understandable. This too shall pass!

Original poster

toddlerhellwhatthefuck · 31/08/2023 16:34

TropicalTrama · 31/08/2023 16:32

I’m sure you’re meeting all of her needs but you’ll never manage all of their wants. Today my 2YO didn’t want to go in his car seat, didn’t want to take nap (really needed it), wanted to throw himself in a pond, wanted to follow his older sister on an obstacle course that would have been impossible, eat ice cream for lunch etc. He’s learning obviously and we tell him why all of the above are a no but he doesn’t fully understand so frustration is inevitable and understandable. This too shall pass!

Thank you that helps to remind myself that the tantrums are about what she wants not needs! She wanted chocolate cake for her tea but I obviously stood firm on that and made her eat the tea I made for her first - most of which got chucked on the floor in temper 😫

I literally count down the days til DH is home.

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LakeTiticaca · 31/08/2023 16:50

Not for nothing is it called the terrible two's. She will grow out of it, around the time you totally lose any sanity you have left 😉

Knittingflapjack · 31/08/2023 16:58

I could have cheerfully thrown mine in the bin at that stage! Just remember that you can get through it and you can walk away from her for a minute if you need it. Make sure she’s safe then take yourself out the room for a quick breather.

Original poster

toddlerhellwhatthefuck · 31/08/2023 16:59

@Knittingflapjack I have definitely considered the bin on numerous occasions! 😫

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Mariposista · 31/08/2023 17:21

Could she be unwell? Ear infection? tonsillitis?

Didimum · 31/08/2023 17:29

You’re not doing anything wrong. It’s developmentally normal and it sucks. My DD was the absolute sweetest until her late 2s, and she turned into a terror. Unfortunately she’s little improved now at 5.5. All you can do is your best and wait for better years.

It’s often a control thing. I recommend giving her as much control as appropriate (controlled control if you will). Let her choose her clothes etc. Pick your battles with what you ask of her and let some things go – does it matter if she doesn’t wear a coat in the rain? She will soon learn it’s no fun being cold and wet.

I attended some parenting seminars when she was at her worst and learnt a lot about filling their ‘baskets’ – namely their control basket and their attention baskets – but not to overfill them!

C0l3tt · 16/01/2025 15:27

OP did this get better for you?

My son has just turned 2 and honestly has changed so much in the last couple of weeks. Everybody has always commented on how sweet and lovely he is throughout his life but how he’s changed recently is shocking.

Has always walk perfectly at your side when we’re out, always stayed on the path when out in his trike etc. now he runs off, picks everything up in shops and it’s awful. I’m feeling like going backwards and getting the buggy back out. He is getting one of his back molars and does seem to suddenly be understanding and using more words lately so maybe it’s a combination of those? Who knows.

All I know is, it’s driving me crazy. Everything I ask of him I’m met with ‘NO’ he hits out at his 5 year old brother, barely eating anything anymore, cries when we leave the house, cries for aaaages when he wakes from his nap, hates bedtime and nappy changes, well, they are like trying to wrestle with an alligator. It’s like honestly night and day compared to how he was 2/3 weeks a go.

Please say your daughter went back to being a complete delight?

SendHelpandSnacks · 03/04/2026 12:52

C0l3tt · 16/01/2025 15:27

OP did this get better for you?

My son has just turned 2 and honestly has changed so much in the last couple of weeks. Everybody has always commented on how sweet and lovely he is throughout his life but how he’s changed recently is shocking.

Has always walk perfectly at your side when we’re out, always stayed on the path when out in his trike etc. now he runs off, picks everything up in shops and it’s awful. I’m feeling like going backwards and getting the buggy back out. He is getting one of his back molars and does seem to suddenly be understanding and using more words lately so maybe it’s a combination of those? Who knows.

All I know is, it’s driving me crazy. Everything I ask of him I’m met with ‘NO’ he hits out at his 5 year old brother, barely eating anything anymore, cries when we leave the house, cries for aaaages when he wakes from his nap, hates bedtime and nappy changes, well, they are like trying to wrestle with an alligator. It’s like honestly night and day compared to how he was 2/3 weeks a go.

Please say your daughter went back to being a complete delight?

Does anyone have any positive updates? 🙏🏼
I'm currently in the same situation as you @C0l3tt , my son has been an absolute angel until he reached 2. He's now whining at everything, shouting whenever he wants something, tantrums over everything, screaming meltdowns... I just don't know what's happening 🥺 I want my lovely boy back ...

C0l3tt · 08/04/2026 15:45

SendHelpandSnacks · 03/04/2026 12:52

Does anyone have any positive updates? 🙏🏼
I'm currently in the same situation as you @C0l3tt , my son has been an absolute angel until he reached 2. He's now whining at everything, shouting whenever he wants something, tantrums over everything, screaming meltdowns... I just don't know what's happening 🥺 I want my lovely boy back ...

Show quote history

I’ve just seen this post so I’m sorry this is late.

My son is now nearly 3.5 and he definitely didn’t stay how he was when I wrote my comment. He still has his moments though but overall he is a very loving little boy and it’s strange to read back what I wrote about him running off in shops because he is now SOOOOO good when we’re out and about.

He never leaves my sides, always looks for me when we’re out somewhere playing, looks after his little sister really well too and even helps take care of his older brother who had ASD. He’s a joy to be around 80% of the time but like I said he has his moments and he’s very stubborn, think he got it from me unfortunately 😂

I’m not entirely sure when he went back to usual self but I remember by the end of March last year we were regularly attending a farm to look at the animals and we went to a lot of places where he needed to stay close and listen and I remember he was absolutely fine!