What’s a reasonable curfew for 12 year old

[Mumofteensendhelp]

I have said 7pm
unless at a friends house or at a club when I’m more flexible
dd thinks I’m being far too strict and says her friends are allowed out until 9pm which shocks me!

12yo (nearly 13) here home by 10/10.30 during summer, likely be 9 during winter. Been the same last two summers. If at a mates house during winter (Fri/sat) then it’ll prob be 10 too but someone collect.
really does depend on lots of factors though, where are they? Who with? Doing what?
pretty sensible lot here (so far…)

Fri/ Sat night at friends house then I am happy to pick up in line with friend’s parents requests normally between 9 and 10. Out at the park with a group of friends - dusk generally which is earlier in the winter.

Clubs pick up when they finish!

DS11 is allowed out until 8pm (when the park closes) and he can stay out til 9 if he’s at the grassy area in front of our house. Only rule is he must be with a friend at all times. If they go home early, so does he. No hanging around on his own. His friends all live 2-5mins away in a small village and they’re all quite sensible.
DS has been walking to school alone since Y5 when I had to have an operation and he’s proven he’s mature enough (other parents messaged to let me know how polite and sensible he was when they saw him)

At the end of the day you have to do what you think is right for your child. If You’re not comfortable past 7pm then stick to your guns. I don’t think there is a blanket answer for every child/family

We live in a small village in South, West Wales. Our 12yo DS has a large group of friends in the village of similar ages and during the holidays it’s 10pm as long as we know where he is.

Surely depends what they're doing/where they are. If my 12 year old was hanging out at a park (doesn't really happen any more though) I'd want her to leave before the older teens come out, so around 8 or so but if she's at a friend's house (and is eating dinner there, otherwise she has to come home for dinner anyway) then there's much more leeway. She hardly ever goes out in the evening these days anyway so doesn't come up much anyway!

When was she's walking home by herself 6pm in the summer and before it gets dark in the winter.

If she's getting a lift home with friend's parents or we're collecting her, I don't mind anything up to midnight, depending on what the late night is for, if it's a school night, where she's going, etc

The idea of a curfew seems very rigid in one way and way too flexible in another.

My 11ur old is 8.30 pm but in the real lighter months it’s 9pm. I know exactly where she’ll be though if she’s out and it’s only 3 mins walk if that.

I am more or less the same with my 10 year old. I think 7 is good for coming off the streets. 10 or 10.30 in holidays if across the road in friend's home with adults present who know he is there.

My kids are too young for this at the moment, but I don’t think that’s unreasonable at all. Personally I would maybe allow until 9 on a weekend if they are at a friends house and have lifts. I had an early hometime as a kid, much earlier than all my friends, and I hated my mum for it, but now I’m a bit older, I get it! I thankfully missed out on some horrible situations because of it! The fact is, once theyr out and about, you don’t know what they, or anyone else is up to & thats worse as it gets dark! It’s also a worry if they get talked into doing something or going somewhere they shouldn’t by friends . I dread my kids being old enough to be out alone!

What, people let their kids out? Mine have got far too many jobs to do. And when they have finished, they go down the cellar with their bread and water.

We live out the country so my dc have never been able to hang out. They got dropped to friends, sports, clubs etc and picked up afterwards. It never mattered how late. When it was over they came home. I think dc will always complain, always look for more...push back but 12 is young. Maybe say when things will change she doesn't imagine coming home at 7 at 17. Add on a half hour for each birthday or one later night on Fridays. But don't feel bad if you stick to your time....some kids never get to hang out depending on where they live.

My son the same age was going out until 9 but before 8 now it’s getting darker unless he’s at his friends

Here it depends what they are up to and who they are with. At friends houses I would want her home by about 8 if she is walking herself and it is still really light and they are local, otherwise as late as the other parents are happy to have her but we go and pick up.

If loitering in the park then usually 7, but can be earlier, or a bit later depending on which friends she is with and what they are doing.

Going into town, leave when the shops are closing.

We haven’t let her down the beach without us or another parent being down there (at a beach hut or sat somewhere further along).

But both DH and I were extremely naughty as teenagers, so we are maybe more cautious than some.

8/9 but my child of same age has additional needs and can’t be out alone

Depends. But 9pm sounds fine during summer holidays,

DS is 10 and can stay on the green behind our house while it is light or 9pm when there is no school the next day. Any further and it would be 7. Not sure how I’ll feel when he is 12.

There isn’t a lot to do here and teenagers meet up with friends after school and walk the streets, sit in parks etc very normal.

DS is now 14 but at 12...

In by 9pm unless outside of his friends on the grass playing footy and then friends mum would supervise and he would be in for 10pm (during the summer holidays or a Friday when nights were light enough)... Adjusted accordingly as nights drew in

Winter nights I'm lucky he has no interest in being out in the cold/dark etc so stuck to his football training/matches and was happy with a few nights just on playstation/watching films etc

Depends.

Are they at a friends and you are picking up or they are getting dropped back?

If just out, then back before dark.

So many variables here tbh OP., that as you can see you'll have lots of people giving different opinions because they and their circumstances are different and we all parent a bit differently.

What time have they got to be up in the morning?
Where do you live/kind of environment?
What are they doing?
Is it dark/safe?
Have they eaten?
What's your child like with time management?
Your perception of danger
What you're comfortable with

My DD turned 12 over the summer. Getting her to leave the house has been more tricky than getting her home tbh.
During term time, I do expect her to let us know her intentions on how she's getting home from school (has a bus pass, but will sometimes get the train back with a friend).
Before the summer it was a 7pm curfew because she would have eaten if she'd been to a friend's, she'd always have some homework (although often stayed at school to do it or did it at the friends house), her time management is non existent/she can't be bothered to walk home and just stayed out hoping she'd get a lift 🤦‍♀️ and she has to be up early to get the bus at 7:30, so really needs to be in bed asleep by 9, so she has enough sleep.

Exception to this is Guides once a week which finishes at 9, but we walk her there and collect her, so it's not really the same.

Like most parents we do have a family app so we know where she is. Obviously it's not forever, but like I say the travel to school adds a bit of complexity and she often stays to clubs after school on a whim. I think there's a balance to be found and they'll always be one friend who can stay out until midnight, gets £100 a month pocket money, has 16 pairs of brand new trainers, the latest computer games, piercings, tattoos, gets a takeaway every night, is going on holiday to somewhere exotic etc etc. I do my best to chat to my daughter about what's going to work best for everyone, including her, so we've some kind of chance of it being stuck to - we often do pros and cons for the different options.

For context we live in a small town and it's relatively safe in comparison to other places, the place she goes to school isn't quite as nice - she's not a big fan of getting the bus on her own/without friends.

You've got to let them out so they can get to the mine. They come home when the pit closes for the day or the canary has died, whichever one happens first

Oh yes, sorry, I forgot about that because mine don't have time to go to the mine. I can't have them working for someone else when I need them to do all of the jobs at home so that I can sit on my backside and be lazy all day. That's the only way to earn my benefits 🤣

This! As a rule I don’t ever let my 13yo just hang around outside, but she is allowed to go to friends houses, cinema, sleepovers, arranged evening events eg school bbq and play in a netball league and do dancing until late in the evening. It’s what they are doing that is important not what time.

I think 7pm is ridiculously early.

My daughter who’s 12 will be out til 9.30 in the summer months. As it’s still lights past 10pm some nights!

As the nights draw in it’s earlier if they are outside.

In the winter they tend to hang around each other’s houses so whatever time their parents want them gone!