AIBU to give a move out deadline?

[witham]

Found out that my partner of 31 years has had a narcissistic streak for most of our relationship. Cheated on me three times and had been living a double fantasy life for the past few years splitting me apart from all my friends and family.

It came to an end a couple of months ago (after being gaslighted and pushed right to the edge of the darkest place I've ever been) and I'm building up my confidence and self respect again.

She was a bit of a hoarder and the house is crammed full of furniture and ornaments. I emailed her (blocked her on FB, Messenger and WhatsApp as I don't want to see the status pics) and gave her four weeks to collect her stuff. Considering this was a few weeks after she left, and had been planning to leave me in secret for months before this, the question is: am I being unreasonable to have given her four weeks and not backdown with extending this?

Lots more to this if anyone want anymore info. I'm just trying to move on and I can't whilst all this is hanging over me.

Not unreasonable at all; tell her you’ve booked a skip for the day after deadline and anything she hasn’t collected will be in it

Worst Case scenario if permanent housing is not secured yet, it is plenty of time to rent a storage space and hire movers.

No I’d say that’s very reasonable considering, a month is plenty of time.

The only problem is, at the end of the 4 weeks if she’s not moved her stuff out I’m not sure legally what you can do if she owns the house too? I haven’t got experience in this so others probably know more but if you throw all her stuff in the bin, you might be liable to compensate her if it’s legally her house too

It's legally mine. I've been more than fair and said you can take about 90% of it so long as it's not used by the family (2 grown up kids, staying with me). Literally it's just the sofa, bed, telly, telly stand I'm keeping (everything in my home office and their bedrooms too) - she can take whatever she wants. Just want it gone and her out of my life.

Son has blocked her on everything and refuses to see/talk to her. It's his birthday today too, makes it so difficult. Daughter is about 80% of the way there to cutting her off.

Well, it's got to go no matter what. I need to clean and redecorate and probably downsize. I bagged (I kid you not!) over 100 pairs of shoes yesterday. Plus so many coats and fancy tops still with their tags on that have been in the backs of wardrobes for years. All of this is in the garden now as I literally I'm currently being "blanked" so there's a lot of pressure on me to sort all of this out.

Who’s blanking you? Hopefully not the dc?

No, the ex is blanking me. The only response I got from the email I sent her was threats of physical violence from her new boyfriend (who is in a different country and she hasn't even held hands with him yet, never mind kissed).

The DC's are on my side but I refuse to drag out their mother's name in front of them. I don't want them used as messengers either and I'm encouraging them to go and see their mum - I don't want them to take sides.

I always thought that break ups could end up with people still being sort of friends and grown ups. This is all a bit strange to me.

Sorry you've thrown her stuff into the garden? After throwing her out of her home of many years? I think YABU for that sorry.

She left for another man (again) and the stuff in the garden is in a shed. It's waterproof and will be fine.

Having my face rubbed in it, my children used as pawns, being bullied, taken to the edge of doing something stupid, and receiving death threats sort of snapped me out of it. I've been told of this fancy new house, new car, holidays, better life.... she's not exactly on the streets.

Genuinely curious, but if the op was a woman who had been abused this way and cut off from family and friends support, gas lighted and cheated on, would you be equally horrified that the op had thrown them out and chucked their tat in a shed?