To get on with my ex

[waitingforrain19]

I have 2 DCs with my ex. We broke up about 5 years ago because we just didn’t love each other (I initiated it). Since then, due to the fact we both want the best for our Dcs, we have been very amicable, happily update each other when the DCs are with the other parent, he comes round for Christmas present opening and lunch, we’ll spend DCs birthdays together, but generally it’s friendly and a loose friendship.

My partner of 2 years isn’t too happy about this and has been trying to create more of a distance. Some things I agree with, for example not allowing him in the house. But recently he’s questioning me more and more - to the point where he gets annoyed if I have a 3 minute conversation with him when he’s collecting the DCs or a bag for the DCs. I’ve told him the arrangements for Christmas will be staying as the DCs love that they are able to spend time with us both as well as other family.

But I don’t want it going too far whereby my ex is pushed out. We have our dynamic and the DCs and us are very happy.

Partner knew all this from the very beginning and said he was ok but then started to try to enforce changes.

Any thoughts? I absolutely do have boundaries with ex, we just keep it friendly too.

Sounds like your partner is jealous and or controlling. An amicable split and friendly relations between you and your ex will be great for your children.

Has your partner said why he's unhappy with this? He knew your life when he became part of it and shouldn't be expecting you to change.

You and your children's father are decent people who have realised that the children's well-being and happiness are the most important thing.

Your new partner is not a decent man and is trying to upset the status quo because his ego won't accept the selflessness that you and your children's father have achieved and maintain for the sake of your children.

Dump his jealous arse and let him stir up trouble elsewhere.

You know what I’m the partner of someone who has a very close relationship with his ex ( well did until she got a new man).

ill share what I deal with and what I don’t and give my opinion.

Christmas and birthdays he goes to their house and opens the presents he’s bought with his child ( I’ve never been at Christmas but hoping to go this year) but at birthdays i have gone along.

on drop off and pick up he used to disappear into the house and sometimes take 20 minutes to come out, i once heard them out in the garden with the basket ball! That I put my foot down and said nope not at all while I’ve got our daughter in the car.

I also don’t agree with social events/days out without the other partner being present. It hurt me when I was sat at home knowing they were together when nothing stopped me being there their child hasn’t got an issue with me we get on and I treat him as I always have.

i do however have no opinion on them getting on for their child and things. The ex has made it easier for me to cope with because she’s not talking to my partner now at all she’s got a new man ( I said to him after all you’ve put us through and she can’t hold the same respect for you as you do her) he literally held her so high and sometimes it felt above me and there’s been many of problem where things have been caused and happened because of it!

in your situation your partner is being unreasonable. Yeah excessive picking up and dropping off I mean talking 10/20 minutes yeah but 2/3 minutes at the door absolutely nothing to worry about. You’re doing nothing wrong.

you need to tell your partner to deal with it and stop being so insecure. That’s exactly what part of my problem was but as I’ve said the ex has shown us the way she’s always felt really deep down now!!

You are both putting your children first and that’s as far as it goes you’re not going out for dinner or he’s not popping round while the kids are at school. He’s literally there for the children.

you are not at fault. I’d tell you straight if you was but your partners just insecure paranoid and jealous.

Your partner needs to understand this is the best thing for your children. If he can't and he insists on causing needless drama, I'm not sure it's worth continuing a relationship with him.

You're very lucky to have a good relationship with your ex. I'm genuinely envious! Please don't let anyone spoil this for you and the DC.