WIBU to tell friend I don’t like the name she’s called me for ten years?

[flossyragdoll]

Example (not my name but similar scenario) -

Name: Danielle
Prefer to be called: Danielle or Dani
Friend calls me: Dan

I never used to mind being called ‘Dan’, but for the last few years it has made me cringe. It doesn’t feel like ‘me’ and I don’t want other people to hear and start calling me it too.

Obviously I can say “I’ve gone off being called Dan, can you call me Dani instead”, but in reality (although maybe not on Mumsnet, where screaming “NO IS A COMPLETE SENTENCE” is widely considered to be normal and proportional) I worry this might be a bit awkward. She might wonder why I haven’t told her before and feel embarrassed at all the times she was calling me by a name I didn’t like, possibly wondering if there were other things she was doing that I didn’t like and wasn’t telling her (that’s how I’d feel anyway).

I only see this friend a couple of times a month, so I’m thinking of just leaving her to it and getting back to worrying about more pressing matters. It’s not like she’s calling me by a weird or rude nickname, it’s just a shortened version of my own name.

Voting -

Yes YWBU to tell her after ten years, that ship has sailed.

No YWNBU to tell her you don’t like what she calls you.

It'll be awkward for 5 minutes, but then it'll be done.

I have a friend called Barbara. And honestly? I'm awful for shortening names, and I started calling her Barb. That went on for a while, and in the end she said, "I really don't like being called Barb. Please call me Barbara."
My response was, "Oh, okay. Sorry."

And I have never called her Barb again. It's not hard.

I voted YANBU. However there are a couple of people in my life who call me Dan and I have never managed to bring it up!

Just tell her, but don’t expect her to remember. I have a friend called Nicki, who recently told me (after about 15 years) she had never liked Nicki and prefers the full Nicola. She must have introduced herself to me as Nicki, I wouldn’t have decided myself to shorten it because of my feelings about my own name. I really try to remember but usually fail, I notice that everyone else does too.

You could say - I know you’ve always called me Dan and I don’t mean to be weird but there’s a guy at work called Dan and when you say it I now think of him and would rather not. Can I be Danny please!

I'd phrase it as being a more recent feeling for you: 'Call me a weirdo, but I've started feeling like being called Dan doesn't fit me anymore, you know, since we've grown up a bit, do you think you could call me Dani instead now?

"Why do you call me Dan? You're the only one who does, and to be honest, I've realised I'm liking it less and less as the years go by".

“Friend, for some reason recently I’ve started to feel that Gert really doesn’t suit me, please can you call me Gertie instead, thanks”

I agree with this. I'll add "these days" after "I'm not really a fan of X" though but only because I think it'll be less awkward if it sounds like a recent decision instead of one you stuck with for so long!

I never used to mind being called ‘Dan’, but for the last few years it has made me cringe. It doesn’t feel like ‘me’ and I don’t want other people to hear and start calling me it too

Just say that, don't say that you've felt like that for a few years but just say "I never used to mind being called Dan but recently I don't feel it suits me anymore so I'd prefer it if people call me Danielle or Dani"

I have a friend who always used to be called Yo-Yo !! He got sick of it when he was late 20s so he told a few people and then posted on facebook, if I remember correctly he said something like "I got called yo-yo at school and I liked it then and indeed into my early 20s but now I'm getting older it really doesn't suit me anymore so going forward can everyone please call me <fullname> or <shorter version of fullname> Thanks everyone!"

I had a friend called David. He hated Dave, so whenever anyone called him that he would just say “..id”

Unfortunately , everyone started calling him “Id”as a nickname.

Not sure why I’m telling this story really, except make sure you’re crystal clear on your preference.

I have a friend who always used to be known as (let's say) Katie. She moved abroad but visits this country regularly. When I caught up with her after a few years and called her Katie, she simply said "oh, I go by Kate now". It wasn't awkward, and I simply try to remember (though occasionally slip up, which she hasn't seemed to mind)

Yes absolutely say something.
You can just say you don’t think it suits you anymore.

But chances are she will still call you it by accident as she’s so used to it.

Tbh I doubt she says it very much so I would remind her every now and then but just focus on introducing yourself as Danielle to new people or when you sign cards etc.

I would tell her that something happened recently to make you feel uncomfortable with that name. You read a short item online or somewhere, you can’t remember where, about a woman (or man) with that nickname who turned out to be a heinous criminal, kidnapper, or serial killer and you’ve gone off the name suddenly. It’s been difficult to get out of your mind and you don’t want reminding of it. It’s triggering. Would she mind calling you this or that instead?

It's no big deal to ask. I have at least three friends at work who have changed their name in the past couple of years, just don't like the shortened versions of the past.

Just understand that it's hard for people to remember initially, just remind them with a smile or I like emails/texts with it on as then I see it.

I do get the hang of new names (also have family members who have changed names for non-binary/gender reasons) but there can be the odd slip up.

I've done this successfully before by saying to the person "you know you're the only person that calls me that!" it then can turn into the conversation of 'well I always ask people to call me X or Y but you call me Z'.

On second thought, I would feel weird if I lied about it. So I’d say, I’ve never minded being called nickname, but lately I just feel off about that version of my name. I’m not sure why, but it gives me the creeps suddenly. Would you mind calling me this instead? Thank you, friend ♥️

There's a group of people I sometimes sit with at work. Not in my team but they work on our floor so I've got chatting to them sometimes.

They call me a name that sort of rhymes with my real name and it's gone on too long for me to correct them now.

So whilst logically I'd say just tell her, I understand the awkwardness of it!

You could tell each one individually when an opportunity presents itself. Just say something has made you suddenly go off the name and would he or she mind not using that name or call you this instead. Would that work?

i have this issue - for example - name is Jim, they call me, JIMBO. WHY WHY WHY.

Not really because it's not like they're calling me a nickname, they think they're calling me by my real name but they got it wrong e.g. if my name was Lucinda but they think it's Belinda. That kind of thing. I don't mind, its quite funny.

I agree that you need to vocalise what you want to be called. Our names are important, they are our labels. I have never allowed (if that doesn't sound too strong) people to shorten my name and always correct. Nicknames or terms of endearment are another thing altogether.

My sister has literally today told me, please stop calling me Ju. Turns out she's a Juliet (I mean that's her actual name but she's been a Ju to everyone since I was born). It's only taken 3 decades for her to tell me 😄. Just tell your friend! It's your choice seriously

I have a name which my mom deliberately picked because it couldn’t be shortened, so when I was growing up people would add -ie on the end. I hated it and would tell people.

It’s your name, you get to decide how people address you

That’s really tickled me.

Sorry I’m not much help as I freestyle with peoples names all the time, not deliberately just sometimes their proper name feels weird in my mouth and something else comes out instead but if anyone says ‘I don’t like that’ then I make a real effort not to call them it again so if she’s a good friend then I’m sure she’ll be the same.

‘d’ya’know, I’ve always hated Dan but because you called me it and I really liked you I tried to get used to it but nope, Still hate it and I’ve given it 10 years so would you mind calling me Dani instead’.

If you said that to me I’d be like. Sure thing… 👀 Dan.

And then try to never use it again in accordance with your preference.

Me too. Id is hilarious,

Our group of friends has given some ludicrous nicknames over the years and I see them as terms of endearment.