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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset with DH because I have not received a

19 replies

viggoswife · 01/03/2008 22:53

Valentines card, birthday card - birthday last month and know for a fact that he has not bothered with a Mothers Day card. He gave DS £2.00 and told him to get me one when I took him shopping today - he is 5. This was after DS reminded him and told him he wanted to get me a present, he then pulled an irritated face and started a big tirade about how cards mean nothing to him and he would not be bothered if he didnt get them himself. AIBU to think that as I make maximum effort to observe everyones birthdays and special days to the max that just this small effort might be made for me and not even FOR me but for the fact that my children want to do it for me and obviously cant do it themselves. I sent his Mum a mothers day card from him but he cant even be bothered to get me one from my children. I am really gutted to be honest. It is not so much the card itself, just the total lack of effort for any occasion that involves something for me. Last year on my birthday he went to Barcelona to watch football - flying out actually on the day. I feel really sad .

OP posts:

NorthernLurker · 01/03/2008 22:55

You poor thing - that is really crap of your dh. Well what goes around comes around - nothing for his birthday or Fathers Day - see what tune he's singing then!

thritbies · 01/03/2008 22:55

I don't think YABU at all. If he knows it is important to you he should make some effort for at least one of your special occasions. My dh isn't into cards, but knows I am and therefore obliges. I really hope he surprises you with something tomorrow- if not please don't get him anything for his birthday. Hope you feel less soon x

NorthernLurker · 01/03/2008 22:58

actually - how sweet is your ds - wanting to but you a present without being prompted - there's your Mothers Day gift - you are raising a sweet, generous little soul!

posieflump · 01/03/2008 23:04

lots of men are really rubbish at occasions
can you lost 5 things which he does for you that make you happy/smile

if not you need a rethink....

colacubes · 01/03/2008 23:14

bloody men, mines the same, my mum saves the day everytime, as she has today, she sneaked stuff in the car from the kids, hes bloody useless.

I think majority of men are just lazy gits (not all before someone tells me off), agree with NL, no treats for him on his special days, or just moderate praise for the kids sake. And well said NL, Viggo your ds is a credit to you, thats because he knows love, and how it feels to be loved, and thats the sign of a marvelous mum. So Viggo can go shove his poxy 2 quid, you have the best pressie in the world, enjoy your cuddles on mothers day.

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY TO ALL US MUMMYS

Original poster

viggoswife · 01/03/2008 23:18

Thanks everyone. I did say to myself that I wouldnt get him anything for his birthday/fathers day etc but I know that my kids will want to get him something and I dont want his selfishness to rub off on them so that they start feeling the same way as he does about making an effort for people. If I dont bother they will start thinking that sort of behaviour is ok and I dont want to not help my kids get something for their Dad just because I am pissed off. Its just about them really. I suppose I could get him a card and just sign it from them. He really is a selfish pig actually the more I think about it. I just let it go most of the time. I have had two lie ins in 18 months since DD was born.

OP posts:

BreeVanDerCampLGJ · 01/03/2008 23:21

Why are you buying a card for his mother, she is not your mother.

I cured DH of this a long time ago, we were driving to Holyhead to the ferry(point of no return).......

He says to me, what did we get my Dad for Christmas ??

I left it about two minutes, (felt like ten) and I said I didn't get your Dad anything what did you get him ??

I left him to sweat for thirty minutes, then outlined very clearly how he should never ever presume.

I had sorted something out, but it was the last time I ever did it.

colacubes · 01/03/2008 23:25

Bree, smart very smart, I will follow your lead on that one.

Original poster

viggoswife · 01/03/2008 23:27

Thanks NL and colacubes. Actually when I picked DS up from school on Friday, all the kids sang You are My Sunshine to all us Mums and it was Brilliant! . Also got a card he had made too. So I will make that my memory of mothers day. I suppose I just wanted some recognition from my pig of a husband as well.

You are right Bree but he would never bother and I know it means a lot to her too, though I must admit it did stick in my craw when she rang up gushing thank yous to him and he just accepted it - I had to NAG him to even SIGN the farkin thing!

OP posts:

purpleduck · 01/03/2008 23:33

AWW. at least your ds made you a card. Those are the best IMO. My ds's card had a list of all the reasons why he loves me

Nevermind if your husband is crap at occasions, we will all be thinking about you

Flibbertyjibbet · 01/03/2008 23:37

I never get a card from dp for mothers day or birthday or valentines.
Earlier this evening he said 'when is mothers day?'
I said 'I don't know - I will find out on the day you bring me flowers and breakfast in bed '
But my dp got up first this morning, got ds's up, fed, out to the park for a couple of hours. Went shopping this afternoon, fixed something on my car last weekend.
I'd rather have my lovely man just as he is all year round than a card on specific days just because some marketing man says I should.

(Still moan about it though )

I have had the type of man who made a big fuss of how much he loves me on valentines day and guess what he didn't love me at all he was a control freak abusive bastard who thought that one day made up for the other 354 days of crap each year.

toffeecat · 01/03/2008 23:45

Hey Hey Flibberty! Its me..I have ventured wider! Ops crash thread sorry!

Flibbertyjibbet · 01/03/2008 23:49

Blimey!!!! Do you need a map?
I was looking for you recntly, do you still want the dinosaur table cloth as I don't still have your address. If you email me legoates @ tiscali. com I'll stick it in the post.
I got satnav for xmas so my old banger is now full of the best technology

Did you see me, Ceebee and another mum the other night all discover we live near each other and suggesting Lancashire meet up sometime?

(Hijack Over)

It is now 12 minutes to where i start moaning about always being forgotten on mothers day.... I find it works better if I make a fuss on fathers day so he feels guilty

Flibbertyjibbet · 01/03/2008 23:49

sorry tiscali is .co.uk

toffeecat · 01/03/2008 23:54

yes please email will be sent asap!

tigerlily1980 · 02/03/2008 00:54

Well viggoswife, I have exactly the same problem as you and glad I am not the only one who feels completely shit about OHs lack of sentiment.

Fair enough, my OHs family aren't card senders, and my OH always says that cards mean nothing..but we have 5 year old twins who are really into the whole card/present sending thing.

It broke my heart the other day when I heard our children talking about what they wanted to get me for mothers day. I told OH, and his suggestion was for me to go out and get it and he would let them wrap it up. Which I did...FOR THEM...so when they talk about it in class on Monday at least they can say that they got me something.

Tonight they were saying "we got you a present mummy but you can't see it till tomorrow", and I felt really upset, knowing that I had really bought it.

I know I shouldn't do this for OH, but if I left it to him, I would get nothing.

I'm sure he thinks that I am being selfish but it's not about me, it's about the kids feeling part of something.

nooka · 02/03/2008 10:47

dd made me breakfast in bed this morning and dh was very grumpy about it because she slept in and so it meant he went to work late (he is doing some extra time this weekend). This was because dd wanted to give me a present and I unfortunately threw away the secret room letter that school had sent home, thinking that it was too late for them to do it (not sure what I was thinking about there!). She was so pleased with the idea and spent several days thinking about what she would cook for me (I said a cup of tea would be lovely!). Unfortunately she's too small to cook on her own so it sort of roped dh into it. I have never been very bothered about mother's day because it usually falls very close to my mother's real birthday so we have never really celebrated it. But it was lovely, she was so pleased with herself dh has never been the card or occasion type, even though his family are well into all that stuff. I'm not either, but having had my birthday completely forgotten several times did make me a little sad!

VictorianSqualor · 02/03/2008 10:52

I think it's a bit of a downer not to get anything for your birthday, to me birthdays are importnat, but mothers day shouldnt be about buying things, nor should t be about your DH, it should be about your DC's telling you they love you, and that's enough IMO.
It's nice if DH helps them do something special, but at 5 I'd say your DS was old enough to write you a little note and give you a hug tbh.
Valentines day, we don't do either, so a kiss on the cheek and a 'Happy Valentines day darling' is enough for me.
I'd screw if my birthday wasn't made a fuss out of though.

Original poster

viggoswife · 02/03/2008 16:03

Well my birthday wasnt either VS. No card, present or anything and when I said that I wanted to take us out to lunch with money I received from my parents he demanded that we go out for 12 because he was hungry. This was at 11.00 am, with DC and I still in pajamas and just had breakfast - in my defence it was half term . So you see it is not just about mothers day, he never makes an effort for ANYTHING for me.

tigerlily1980 - thats what I mean. Your kids want to do something special for you but they need help to do it and if you dont then they miss out dont they? Its not fair on them. I remember as a kid getting so excited about special days and always wanting to do something lovely for my Mum or Dad, so I want my kids to feel like that as well.

Anyway he slightly redeemed himself with Breakfast in Bed this morning and he got up with the kids so now I have had THREE lie ins in 18 months. I dont want to have to moan at him to get him to do something though and he even said it was DS going on at him about it that made him bring me Breakfast in Bed.

OP posts:

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