Neighbour issues

[Wondering274]

I have very recently given birth and am a first time mum. The pregnancy wasn't planned but after years of fertility issues and miscarriages a very welcome surprise.

I few month before falling pregnant I bought a flat (following on from a previous relationship) the flat took 5 month to complete due to a long chain. In these 5 months I discovered I was pregnant and the Father of the child said he would move in with me.

Anyway long story short, I'm downstairs and the upstairs neighbour hasn't been the most welcoming since I moved in, she has bare wooden floorboards so prior to having the baby I would have to sleep with ear plugs in as we could hear her every move.

6 days after having my baby she was banging on the door, complaining about the noise and questioning why i would move onto a flat with a baby and that it was a selfish move and she can't sleep as she can hear us etc.

She has really knocked me for six and I feel I am walking on eggshells because of her. I have spoken to the council who have said she doesnt have a leg to stand on as babies cry and that's life, but she is on my mind all of the time. I feel like she is ruining the time I spend with my baby and I'm just waiting for her to knock on the door again. I can't afford to move again now I'm on maternity.

Has anyone else experienced this sort of issue?

Did you ever complain to her about the noise she was making? She might not have a clue her noise has been disturbing you and may genuinely believe that she’s the quiet, considerate neighbour while you’re the noisy ones.

I think you’re just going to have to bite the bullet and tell her to bugger off. If she already knows that her noise has disturbed you, then next time she knocks, tell her that you’re happy to recommend the brand of earplugs you had to use for her noise, but otherwise there’s nothing you can do, so she’ll have to report you to the council (who will tell her to bugger off). If she’s not aware, then you might have to point out that noise travels both ways and ask her who would move into a flat and expect silence from their neighbours? Tell her that you’ve had a chat with your DC and asked them to stop crying but the little blighter is insisting that it’s the only way they can communicate, so she’s just going to have to do what you did, and use earplugs.

Point out the irony that she is the one complaining when you are the one who has had to put up with all the ridiculous noise since you lived there. Tell her she would come across as far more reasonable if she sorted out her own noise making first.

Maybe suggest she gets some carpets and/ rugs? Would make a big difference to you both

Yes this

Now that its affecting her too - she might actually do something about it

Sounds like your flat isn’t very well built if you can hear the upstairs neighbour and they can hear your baby so easily. Babies cry, it’s how they communicate. Obviously you won’t leave your newborn to cry and cry for hours but also you can’t keep them silent! Just tell them calmly that you’re a first time new mum and you cannot control how much your baby cries. Tell her she should be ashamed by trying to control you and your baby and if it bothers her so much she can always move. If she thinks it’s bad now wait until baby hits colic stage, sleep regressions or teething! Good luck! Remember you’re doing a great job! It’s tough being a new mum! My daughter has just had a baby too so I have been staying with her to help get baby settled. Talk to the midwife about this too and ask for information on mum and baby groups, so you can focus on yourself and your baby and not this awful neighbour!

All the best with the little one @Wondering274

Anyone who lives in a flat should realise that t flat dwelling comes with a lot of noise from neighbours. She is being an arse.

Agree with what po said about recommending the ear plugs you've had to use for her thundering about on her hard floors.

I've been through this too, best to ignore her. Just don't engage in a conversation. Make notes of times and dates she bothers you, might come in useful if it turns into harassment.

I had the same happen except I was upstairs. She would bang on her ceiling with a broom handle. I think she was crazy because she would bang on it when we weren’t even moving or walking- like sitting down to dinner, watching a movie quietly on the sofa, or even when we were in bed! She would wake us up with the banging. Then one evening she came to my door saying she was calling the police on my child because she’s too loud. So I called the police and informed the apartment manager, because my child was standing right there and heard it all, and that’s seriously wrong. I’m in the US so I’m sure things are different, but either the police or the manager got through to her and the woman actually apologized later. She really was having mental health issues and realized she was wrong. I understand the thing about it being on your mind all the time, and you’re right, it’s robbing you from enjoying your life. If you can, go about your day normally and don’t let it bother you. If she bothers you again, call the police because that’s harassment. Keep a written log as well. If it comes to it, the records of police calls and written log will be important. Most of all, you have every right to live in relative peace, so protect that.

Tell her to get fucking carpet and you won’t hear her dancing with her pet Tyrannosaurus Rex all night.

I think quite a few of the older generation can’t understand why people with kids would live in a flat, not a leafy detached 4 bed property which would be a better place to raise a child. That haven’t heard of the housing crisis.