To find this set up weird looking back?

[marthadumptru]

I'm a 27 year old single mum and have recently split with my children's dad. I cannot stand the man, he has been absolutely vile and I am struggling to co parent with him.

It has got me reflecting the past few weeks. My mum and dad split when I was one, but they remained very, very close. Don't get me wrong, I remember seeing them arguing a few times when I was growing up but the majority of my memories as a family were really enjoyable.

We would always spend Christmas as a family, my dad was always there when I woke up Christmas morning and would be there the full day with us and my mums family. My dad was always popping in unannounced and my mum was fine with it. I would sometimes go to bed and if I came down for a glass of water a few hours later, he'd still be sat on the sofa chatting with my mum. He would give her a lift a lot. He would have days out with us. We would go out for meals. They were always communicating about me. The rules at my mums house were the same at my dads. My mum would lean on my dad for emotional support and vice Versa. They laughed a lot together. They were just really good friends.

Looking back I always remember their conversations being very intense and 'deep' for lack of a better word. I used to always try and get my dad to wait in the car when he was picking me up as I knew if he came in him and my mum would be talking for ages.

They both had a few partners during that time and I would say when my dad had girlfriends, he cooled down a-lot from my mum. But once they split up, everything was back to normal.

Honestly I would love that for my children, I always felt I had a family unit and I have always had amicable break ups, I believe because of them. My mums no longer here sadly to ask her advice on this and my dad doesn't really open up about it.

So I wonder, is this achievable with an ex you despise? Or was my parents set up very rare or even strange?

They split because they just weren't getting along. Me and my partner split because he has been shagging another woman from his work.

I don't think it's particularly nice for a child to witness their parents spending lots of time together until one of them enters another relationship and 'cools off'. It doesn't sound very consistent but it's great they got on so well.

I guess the ideal situation is an amicable relationship with the same rules in both households. I'm not sure if most children wouldn't find that level of popping over a bit confusing at times.

Honestly, in the circumstances you and your ex have split, probably not. Which is sad but understandable. You were really lucky your parents got along so well. It’s very unusual.
I would aim for civil and amicable and generally on the same page parenting wise. Anything else is a bonus.

It's unusual but I think it's achievable.
But I guess that depends on the two people involved and them being on the same page really.
I had hoped to have a relationship with my ex where we at least communicated and chatted at the doorstop and he was himself with me, but turns out he doesn't want that. Personally it does make me sad.
But I think a lot of people on here don't think like that.

My MIL left her husband when my DH was 4. It was messy, he did not go quietly to begin with but a year later they were co parenting well. Special events and holidays together (he was a bit vague so I suspect she worked harder at it than him). When he got a new partner (who stayed with him until he died), they all joined in the trips. Odd set up but my DH had a good childhood and now my FiL is dead we still meet up with MiL and the partner , sometimes all together. I can absolutely see that Mil and FiL were not a good match but they parented well, I don't think it was easy but it is possible, if all parties work at it (hard for partner as well)

My mother in law and father in law split when my husband was 16. They remain very close friends. MIL was out with FIL and his wife just last night. Always spend Christmas / birthdays etc with us. I did find it odd to begin with but they were together a long time before they broke up. They just wanted different things out of life. Doesn’t mean they don’t get on. And they both want to make an effort for the grandkids. I think it’s brilliant. Your mum and dad did great to do the same