AIBU to go to the GP with this

[Rudolphspyjamas]

is this the kind of thing the GP can help with or would I be wasting their time?

im a trainee and am 23. I’m expected to make mistakes because I’ve only been doing this for 2 months but my brain doesn’t let me make mistakes- if I do the slightest thing wrong my brain will bully me for it and tell me how useless I am and crap etc etc. I’ve always been a perfectionist but I’m a bit obsessed about always being perfect now and I don’t know how to stop, especially at this stage in my career when I’m not doing anything right nevermind perfect. I never do anything right and I feel so useless and lonely with it all

I keep making silly mistakes and doing things wrong. I can’t remember basic things. My supervisor/professional mentor is really nice but understandably getting frustrated with me. Apparently it’s ok to make mistakes at this stage but I still can’t help feeling so shit about myself for it. I never ever do anything right and all I do is screw things up. I am NOT suicidal but I just keep feeling like everyones lives would be better off if I wasnt in it, my supervisors life would be much easier/less stressful, and my family would be better off because I wouldn’t be being such a huge disappointment. And just in general everyone at work would be better if I was gone. Like I said I am NOT suicidal nor would I ever hurt myself, it’s just a general miserable feeling of being useless and crap at everything.

because I’m doing so shit, I’m studying as much as I can possibly do but I’m losing weight and barely sleeping now which is obviously making things worse now too.

I don’t know what I want from the GP because ultimately they can’t fix my work, and even if I go to a different work (I wouldn’t want to as my supervisor is great) I would feel the exact same as I do anyway because my brain seems to use any sort of fair/constructive criticism to bully itself and tell me how shit and useless I am.

would the GP be ok for this? Or is it inappropriate for the GP/timewasting? Thanks

https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/self-help/tips-and-support/raise-low-self-esteem/

you can self refer to talking therapies in some areas, if it’s not available in your area then your GP can refer you so it would be worth talking to them for that but worth talking to them any way if your anxiety is causing sleeplessness and weight loss. I hope they help you op
https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/talking-therapies-medicine-treatments/talking-therapies-and-counselling/nhs-talking-therapies/

Oh love, I think a chat with your GP may be helpful for you. You could also self-refer for talking therapies which also may be useful: https://www.nhs.uk/service-search/mental-health/find-an-nhs-talking-therapies-service
Not sure what waiting times are like in your area. My dc (teen) had CBT for anxiety last year/earlier this year and it made a massive difference to them. To me too because I was able to use the techniques on myself!

Also it's worth checking if your employer offers some kind of wellbeing support, my employer runs regular courses on managing workplace stresses. Or occupational health maybe?

I bet if an outsider were to look at what you're doing, or you were able to look at things objectively then you wouldn't think you'd been shit at all!

Oh yes please do go to your GP about this. They're very much there for this, not just physical problems.

Absolutely speak to your gp and don't feel bad at all. See what they say and self refer for counselling and maybe some CBT? CBT would give you practical tips to help you break the cycle of negative talk. It's really effective, and counselling might help you understand where that negative voice is coming from. Don't beat yourself up - once you've got a handle on it, you'll be able to make the most of being conscientious in your work, which is a skill your employer will find really valuable. Best of luck.

I think you would find CBT very helpful, it's great for this.

You can self-refer to your local NHS scheme - usually googling the name of your county + IAPT will find them.

Thanks so much everyone for the help, I really wasn’t even sure if it was something the gp could even help with but I really hope they can so I can start to feel happier. I’ve never felt so shit in all my life and it’s literally like I’m stuck inside a big black cloud x

It's horrible to feel like that. You might find the gp suggests antidepressants for a while, just to give you a boost while waiting for therapy to be sorted out, but they'll chat it over with to see if it's necessary. They'll probably look at other things with you too - good nutrition and exercise also help massively, as well as hobbies etc - anything that triggers your brain to boost making serotonin, which gets used up too quickly when you're stressed and can lead to depression. You'll get there 😊

Thank you so much. It sounds so pathetic but I’m so scared of antidepressants for some reason, I know it’s just a medication but I keep thinking this is all just in my head and not as big of a problem as I’m making it out to be iyswim and I don’t need help, as in my brain keeps trying to convince itself that it’s normal to feel shit about stuff like work but then on the other hand i feel so, so deflated. I’ve tried so hard to please my supervisor but I’m just failing miserably and I keep thinking how much happier and easier everyone would be if it wasn’t for me being there. (Not in a suicidal way, just in a general they’d be better off without me way) hope that makes sense x

You don't have to be on them forever, but they can help stabalise things and give you a boost while you're waiting for therapy. Then you can address the "why" you're feeling the way you are and learn techniques you can manage yourself to overcome it. Don't be afraid of them, many people find they wish they'd started them earlier. It's not a sign of weakness. Get that appt booked and good luck