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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

College commute for DSS

19 replies

SleeplessinSeattle53 · 30/08/2023 14:00

Name-changed just because I was due one...

Having a bit of a disagreement with DH regarding DSS(16) starting college next week. Up to now DH has been doing lots of taxi-ing around as high school wasn't on a bus route from our house. He starts college next week and can walk 20 mins to the bus stop and then take a 40 min bus straight to college. DH thinks this is too much for him on a morning. I believe it'll make him grow up a bit and think about getting himself out of bed on time and be responsible for himself, good experience for uni etc etc. I feel like he's a bit babied at the minute.

You're probably going to say just let him get on with it, not your problem etc. But the knock-on effect from DH running around like an idiot on a morning, trying to get back in time for online meetings etc, and then being grumpy all day, is something which impacts me.

So AIBU to expect DSS to do this commute twice a week from our house?

OP posts:

redskytonights · 30/08/2023 14:04

"Just let him get on with it, not your problem etc."

What is your problem is DH being grumpy all day. That's the thing you need to address. The reason he is grumpy is really neither here nor there.

(That said, you're not U to expect DSS to get the bus; but neither is DH to drive him).

ManateeFair · 30/08/2023 14:04

YANBU. A 16-year-old can absolutely walk to the bus stop and get a bus to college, and I agree that suggesting that it would be 'too much' for him is babying him. Plenty of kids are doing that sort of journey from the day they start secondary school at 11.

Original poster

SleeplessinSeattle53 · 30/08/2023 14:24

redskytonights · 30/08/2023 14:04

"Just let him get on with it, not your problem etc."

What is your problem is DH being grumpy all day. That's the thing you need to address. The reason he is grumpy is really neither here nor there.

(That said, you're not U to expect DSS to get the bus; but neither is DH to drive him).

Well yeah I guess....I suppose I'm just trying to help him make his life a bit easier as well though (DH, that is), whilst encouraging some independence in DSS. I don't believe that's a bad thing all round.

OP posts:

Peony654 · 30/08/2023 14:28

ManateeFair · 30/08/2023 14:04

I agree. But DH will need to be firm and not start giving lifts if DSS oversleeps and misses the bus... Unfortunately that is DH decision though. When I was 16 I would have much preferred the independence of a bus, but a lift was never an option!

foreverbasil · 30/08/2023 14:30

Perhaps your son would enjoy the opportunity to be more independent. Perhaps his Dad could compromise and do a lift on a Friday.
Independence is best learned in steps which usually start before age 16.

Inmybirthdaysuit · 30/08/2023 14:30

My 2 kids do pretty much exactly that commute to school every day and have done since they were 12.

sunshineandshowers40 · 30/08/2023 14:30

Could his dad just give him a lift to the bus stop? Or give him a lift once/twice a week?

Inmybirthdaysuit · 30/08/2023 14:31

sunshineandshowers40 · 30/08/2023 14:30

Could his dad just give him a lift to the bus stop? Or give him a lift once/twice a week?

She says he only has to do the commute twice a week anyway.

EnthENd · 30/08/2023 14:33

YANBU. DSS should make the effort. Expect grumbles - most teenagers are not natural morning people - but I'm sure he can do it. And I say don't bail him out with lifts. If he's late he's late.

Or a bike might be quicker, if there's a safe route.

Totallyterrific · 30/08/2023 14:33

Totally unreasonable for a 16yo not to do that 5 days a week. A 20min walk and a 40min bus ride is really not a drama at all.

BoohooWoohoo · 30/08/2023 14:34

Ofc you are not unreasonable but as with so many dilemmas on here, you have a husband problem.

Spacecowboys · 30/08/2023 14:34

Personally, I would take my 16 year old to college by car in the morning and then have the one hour + journey (bus and walking) for the return home.

BoohooWoohoo · 30/08/2023 14:35

When is he 17? Dss may be able to drive to college (if they allow it)

Original poster

SleeplessinSeattle53 · 30/08/2023 14:58

BoohooWoohoo · 30/08/2023 14:35

When is he 17? Dss may be able to drive to college (if they allow it)

Not til next June and I don't think he has any desire to learn tbh.

OP posts:

MereDintofPandiculation · 30/08/2023 15:19

I might drive him to the bus stop in the morning and leave him to walk in the afternoon.

I used to have a mile to the station, 25minute train ride then 15 minute bus ride. That was from age 11

Original poster

SleeplessinSeattle53 · 30/08/2023 15:26

I feel like driving him to the bus stop doesn't then solve the problem of him having to get himself up and out on time and having to be 'managed' on a morning, as he currently is.

OP posts:

andrainwillmaketheflowersgrow · 30/08/2023 15:31

Why does it impact you? Just ignore him if he's huffing and being grumpy. He'll soon stop when he doesn't get an audience.

eurochick · 30/08/2023 15:43

From 12 I did ten min walk to bus stop, bus journey of 30 mins then another 15-20 walk. Both ways. No lifts unless my dad had a rare day off (my mum didn't drive). This really is not testing for a 16 year old.

HarrietSchulenberg · 30/08/2023 15:50

That's pretty much the commute time my DS will be doing to college from Monday. Going on the bus is a social opportunity which is not to be missed, I hear.

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