Potty training. Fml.

[SleepingStandingUp]

Aibu to ask what I'm doing wrong?

DTwins are 3, 4 end of the year, starting final year of nursery next week altho they've been in school nursery since Jan.

I can't potty train

Left bare bummed with a clean potty, they are perfect. Weed and poos. No issues. But they don't tell me. They'll just go and sometimes tell me and sometimes I just have to see it or check the potty.

Put them in nappies, they fill them.

Their verbal skills are well behind, twin related rather than SEN.

Put them in pants and no trousers. If I remind them, they'll say no or occasionally sit and go. If I leave them to it, they pee in their pants. One poo so far and I think he was already pantless.

I don't know how to make them tell me they need to go before they go so I can help them get pants down and onto potty
I have no idea how the hell this will translate into using an upstairs loo.

Please tell me why I'm a shitty failure of a mother with untrained 3 year olds.

School are getting really pushy because it's obvious they can tell when they want to go. They need to crack it by Tuesday

Tomorrow. I'm too broken today 🤣 altho Z is currently negotiating for a cake without a pee

Thanks 👍, Ido feel like it's easier with one and the whole running up and down stairs thing etc .

One does seem readier, might be worth pushing him harder and letting the other copy later

Yeah, identical twin boys but one is. Also more likely to find his own nappy and put it on 🙄

Oh I didn’t mean that it’s later than it should be, they’re all different and you know them best in terms of readiness. Please don’t think I’m being judgmental. I only meant that the Oh Crap aka naked/commando method which is super popular at the moment is designed with 1.5-2.5YOs in mind. It gets abbreviated a lot online but read the full book and the author is really clear that using her method it’s infinitely harder with over 3s and calls it the danger zone. And as you’ve found it hasn’t worked that well and you’ve got stuck at potty trained only when naked.

So obviously up to you but given your kids aren’t in the preferred age bracket and it isn’t working thus far then personally I’d go with another method. Which would probably be wear underwear, take them regularly and lay off the cordial (maybe just a glass with meals if you’re worried about hydration and water only in between?). More importantly nursery will easily be able to follow the same method as obviously they have to wear clothes there and the nursery probably already doing scheduled trips with the others. Good luck!

I've just potty trained my DD in the past month so I feel your despair. We left it quite late by most people's standards (she's nearly 3 and a half) but it was realistically when we could give up the time to it. She was definitely capable of doing it, but was very lazy!

The first week was horrific. First two days were constant accidents despite reminders. Had the wees about 30 seconds from sitting on the potty, etc. Tried reward charts which had limited success, did bribes, reward chart everything. Even had a lot of conversations about how she is a big girl and need to go on the big girl potty etc.

It was only after we went to visit my mum about five days in and started using her potty that she started to get the hang of it. The fact that she could get praise from people other than me seemed to really help, as it made her feel really good. It might also be that the potty was more comfortable, as it was wider than the ikea one we had at home.

Over the next few weeks she got better with wees but never did a poo. It was only when she was on the potty by chance that she did one but she got so freaked out about it. A lot of reassurance and praise, and now she doesn't care about it at all!

After three weeks, she was reliably potty trained. It was only in the fourth week that something has clicked, where she can now hold it a bit and just takes herself off to the potty or asks for the toilet. I have absolutely no idea how, or why, it suddenly works but it did.

Unfortunately, this isn't a magical tale of something that we found worked (although I still call my mums potty - which we stole- as the magic potty) but really just perseverance. They will get it. It is just a matter of when it will click.

I think with my DD once she realised that going to the potty quickly doesn't actually take that long, she's not fussed about going. Before she got distracted with playing and just wet herself, but now she knows what the urge/feeling of needing the potty is so just goes as it's nice and quick.

My advice is to let nursery do the training. I find small people a lot more receptive to their caregivers rather than their mum. My sons childminders told me to bring a bag of pants in and let her do the rest.

Tbf school will change them and will be happy to change them if they wet themselves. I wouldn't be happy sending them to a nursery they said they'd leave them in a soiled nappy for hours. And continence issues are so hard to diagnose!! DS was late due to undiagnosed constipation. He pooed daily. We'd never have known except an exasperated rant on here off me

Tbf we weren't particularly following one, we just tried bare bums first as that's what we did with DS and hoped it would work. Then moved onto pants once they'd got bare bummed sussed. They've just had odd bare moments whilst I looked for new pants or they've taken them off themselves

my boys lol..omg it was hard at first.. got a large jar and filled it with frooty loop cereal and then my husband went in with them and made a game of sinking the froot loops. threw a handful in toilet. Only downside was that they wanted to go pee wayyyy more than they needed too but it worked

Nursery cannot insist they are dry they are supposed to recognise that children develop at their own pace and respect special needs Ofsted would not be impressed .....but as many parents dont try and will send children to reception in nappies they are trying to encourage parents to try.

Nooooo

A child minder OFFERING is entirely different to a school nursery with 30 kids being expected to do it. I expect school to support us, and is I send them in with a ton of pants and bottoms they'll do their bit but what's the point if they're coming home and having nappies on with me until school parent them appropriately?

Are they able to actually push their own pants down (sorry if i missed this ) its just they may be struggling or feel unable to do that part of the training ??

Mumsnet always seems quite concerned over the potty/toilet distinction and I never felt it mattered. Mine used either from the beginning and continued to happily use either (e.g a potty whilst camping at 4.5 years old) as the situation dictated. We also didn't do any of the bare bum stuff, though both trained right around turning 2. It sounds like you've got lots of good ideas OP - best of luck. Remember, it can go from a load of accidents to none in a day.

😳 and this is exactly why lots of pre schools and schools insist it's done before they start as otherwise lazy parenting would mean they had 30 kids to potty train instead of doing their actual jobs

Haven’t rtft but did see cordial if it’s blackcurrant switch to summerfruits or orange blackcurrant is a bladder stimulant

How long have they been able to use the potty whilst naked? My second did this for ages (I'm trying to remember how long but it was a good few months at least before he was able to stay clean and dry with clothes on).

The only thing that cracked it with my very stubborn ds was the bribe of watching his favourite song on youtube if he weed on the potty. Took a day or two of letting him watch my phone after every wee until he was happy to just use the potty/toilet without it. Not even chocolate buttons worked for him ha.

"They just say no"

They are 3, you don't give them choice.

Just trill "potty time" cheerfully every half hour. Bribe them. They are old enough to understand.

1. 100% cold turkey on nappies in the day. Just get rid otherwise its confusing.
2. 3 days at home, potty close by, bare bum 24/7.
3. No sipping at drinks constantly. Drink with meal. Another drink offered a couple of hours later.

I mean when I ask if they need it,they say they don't need it.

Interestingly I've realised they pee approximately 43 times an hour in the morning 🙄😬 but it slows down on the afternoon. Perhaps it's something about them drinking lots on the morning.

We have done no nappies until bed, when he fetched his own I put his pants on and at this rate we've got 7 days in the house to master it 🙄

Few months.

Telly bribe doesn't work cos there's two of them, so if one does it and one doesn't.... or my phon. Just causes ww3. Cake did but I can't feed them endless Jaffa cakes lol

It's summer berries, but I have lemon and they like lemon of that's better.

I think they were a bit confused to start with but yes, able to do it as they're just light pants, no trousers

Currently potty training DS who is 2.5 years. Conscious he is younger so the same process might not work, but whenever I’ve asked him, he always says no. Then I read asking almost always guarantees a no, so instead I tell him we need to sit on the potty. Sometimes he needs the encouragement but it’s very much a “come on, let’s pee pee” rather than “do you need to pee pee”.

Worth giving that approach?