AIBU to not invite aunts, uncles and cousins to christening?

[SillySausage81]

OK so I know loads of people are going to say IANBU because I can invite who I like, but what I’m really looking to know is WWYD. What’s “the done thing”. This whole issue is really stressing me out lately.

OTOH it’d be nice to have a get-together, but OTOH it would mean up to nearly 30 extra people, and I really, really hate organising events.

YANBU - I personally wouldn’t invite my own aunts, uncles and cousins to my child’s christening/ I wouldn’t expect to be invited to the christening of my cousin’s child or great nieces and nephews.

YABU - I personally WOULD invite my own cousins, aunts and uncles to my child’s christening/I WOULD expect to be invited to my cousin’s child’s christening, or my great-niece’s or great-nephew’s christening

YABU - the whole point of a christening is to welcome your child into the family of God ... Why would you not want to include your actual family in that celebration? I come from a big Irish family - weddings, funerals and christenings are massive family affairs where everyone gets together and celebrates.

If you aren't close or don't see them often then fair enough but if you are a decently close family, see them regularly and are inviting other people then it would feel like a deliberate snub.

How many people are you inviting without the Aunts, Uncles and Cousins?

You can just keep it to the church service without an event after if you fancy.

But as it’s welcoming your child to its church community, I think you do need to invite family.

So many variables, do you live near each other? Are you close in terms of 'family'? Is the christening a significant part of your faith ?

I live quite a distance from my family and haven't been invited to Christenings for cousin's DC etc ... not even sure if they even had them .

Do what you feel comfortable with, it doesn't matter what the 'done thing' is.

I went to one christening where they booked the church hall afterwards and asked everyone to bring a buffet dish for lunch - it worked really well and reduced the amount of organising needed. Some guests lived locally, some came for the day and some stayed overnight, which they organised themselves.

If it's too far to come for some guests just for the service and buffet lunch, they don't need to come - totally up to them.

I think it is usual to invite family

As for the “family of God” aspect, I’m not actual religious at all, and neither are most of my family. My husband is a very devout Catholic so that’s why we’re getting DC Christened (although his family are all abroad so can’t come).

Some of my aunts/uncles I see every 6months or so, but the rest of them and my cousins I haven’t seen in over 2 years.

Just a handful… our own parents, my grandmother, the godparents, plus one or two close friends. Probably 10 or so…

I invited people who live close by. So mostly friends, one aunt and uncle in addition to grandparents and mine and DH's siblings. Rest of the congregation were there anyway so didn't need a special invitation and we had about 30 people back to the house afterwards

If I wasn't religious, I'd feel pretty embarrassed asking my own family to a christening. At the end of the day it's your choice

As you’re not religious and haven’t seen these people for two years I actually think it would be more odd if you did invite them.

Then I think you can definitely get away with not inviting the wider family. That would quadruple your guestlist!

If you are not religious then why on earth are you doing this at all? Your DH's religion does not trump your lack of religion.

Your children will be regarded as "catholic" by the church for the rest of their lives even if they reject it and used to bolster the lie that the UK is a "Christian" country thus justifying the christian stranglehold on our lives.

Let the children decide for themselves when they are older.

I haven't known anyone actually enjoy a christening. Surely it's more of a duty? So I would be delighted not to be invited if I were your cousin 😆

Even if you were to invite all 30, I can imagine many of them would decline so you’d be left with those that did really want to be there.

IMHO a christening is exactly the type of happy family occasion that brings family together.

Well it’s hard to vote in the sense that you are not unreasonable for not wanting to cater for that number.

However I did this for mine and really enjoyed it.

Horses for courses really. Are you under family pressure to do it

I think it depends on how close you are as a family. If you barely speak and don’t see each other very often then I wouldn’t worry, or just invite them to the party afterwards (if you’re having one that is).
Have they met the baby yet? If not it might be nice to have a little get together to meet the new babs and enjoy an afternoon together.

I think as long as you are stopping at a type of relative you're generally all right. Like, you're inviting your parents and siblings but not aunts or cousins. Or you're inviting aunts/uncles but not cousins. It's if you invite one cousin but not another when people start getting offended imo.

Although you are not religious I think it's really nice that your family is coming together to support your H in welcoming your baby when his family can't come.

Oh FFS OP, invite them. They won’t all come and it’s one of the those rare occasions where you can ask people to bring a dish and they actually will.

Christenings are great cos people get together and catch up and go away again and it always feels worth it even though no one ever wants to go.

I think the main reason for christenings is to see those kind of people

Thanks for all the responses, they are helping me make my mind up, although we’ve just found out that this diocese doesn’t allow private baptisms, you have to have it done during the normal Sunday mass, and it’s a fairly small church, so that probably makes it difficult to have more than a dozen people anyway..: